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[–]shoelaceysFDS Newbie244 points245 points246 points 3 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
My ex would pull this shit on me all the time. It was like prior occasions didn’t matter when I was pointing out how consistent the behavior in question was. He took it as me making things personal and start attacking me for unrelated issues in retaliation. God he was such a trash partner.
[–]Mawi331FDS Newbie70 points71 points72 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
This is one of the reasons I broke up with my ex two weeks ago. We still live together and I’m desperately looking for a new place :( once I’m gone I’m finally gonna really be able to heal from all of the gaslighting and attacks. This stuff can drive you crazy
[–]AlextheAnalystPickmeisha™️53 points54 points55 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
And this is one of the many reasons not to move in with a boyfriend! I'm not saying this to rub your face in it at all. I'm just stating it in black and white in case there's anyone reading this thread who is considering doing so. Don't do it! If you're not legally bound and responsible for one another, it's not a good idea.
[–]Mawi331FDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I know don’t do it :( I was 19 didn’t have any family and had gotten youth support from the government until then until it had to end and I didn’t find an apartment. Still I look back and would advise everyone: don’t do it.. or if you moved in together and you sense something weird - get out immediately. And if you’re already in the situation like me try not to be hard on your past self and have empathy instead. It’s was a bad decision and it’s OK. I will be ok :/!
[–]Gambit12345FDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I second this. I lived with my ex for two years in college, we broke up got back together then lived in my Apartment for 6 months before I broke up with him. It was absolute torture feeling like a prisoner in my own apartment. And he took his sweet time moving out, trying to take things that were mine and leaving his big busted furniture for me to throw out. I definitely learned my lesson
[–]Mawi331FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah currently feeling like that too.. it’s horrible
[–]fierce_and_mightyFDS Apprentice102 points103 points104 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Exactly, and maybe I wouldn’t bring up “old shit” if it had been acknowledged, apologised for and had it not happened again!!! Its like some guys just see what they did right and forget all the times they were a bad partner... good partner my ass
[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice34 points35 points36 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Good behavior never excuses bad behavior. That's just trauma bonding in action.
[–]takethemonkeynLeaveFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
''An abusive man’s good periods are an important and integrated aspect of his abuse, not something separate from it.'' ― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
[–]CSardothien_1FDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This. Honestly I wouldn’t be the least mad if this topic became a full on post. The trauma bonding but is spot on accurate! It’s like the ONE good thing he does out of the 200 bad things he does is only what people tend to focus on.
[–]Betty_BottleFDS Newbie51 points52 points53 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Ugh I got "you just keep thinking of the bad things, you gotta remember the good things too"
As if the good times automatically cancelled out every bad thing.
[–]Jay-quellenPickmeisha™️36 points37 points38 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
“It’s still a net negative.”
[–]atuanFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I told my ex that I felt like he constantly opposed my initiatives and he’d be like what about on April 3rd 2001 when I said yes to one thing you said? I tried explaining that 1/100 times doesn’t matter to the 99/100 times I’m being shot down and mocked.
[–]fireforestfairyFDS Newbie100 points101 points102 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
LVM say this all the time as they don't want women calling them out for their bullshit.
[–]stbfAAAFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. They only want things that benefit them.
[–]AprilMoon992 points93 points94 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Yet they have the audacity to ask for "examples" of their trash behaviour.
[–]CSardothien_1FDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And then when you do present evidence you’re gaslit into oblivion.
[–]Optimal_Grapefruit_5FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oof this, this is the shit my ex always pulled
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"I got your examples right here bro, on my list"
[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is why I keep the receipts. I pull them out like it’s nothing.
[–]QueensJujuFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I kept a massive list in chronological order - didn't matter. They get off on the fighting, seeing how upset you are. The fact that I even took the time to write so much about him was flattering. NO PARAGRAPHS is one of my favorite FDS rules!
[–]seawitchbitchFDS Newbie122 points123 points124 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I always used to wonder why it felt so wrong when criticized for “keeping a list.”
[–]libraliaFDS Newbie95 points96 points97 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ding 🛎 ding 🛎 ding 🛎
[–]awreathafranklinFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ohh I've never seen this. It's perfect. I'm definitely going to use this.
[–]Elisa_LaViudaNegraFDS Newbie97 points98 points99 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🏅🏅🏅
“You keep bringing up old things I said that aren’t how I feel anymore.” -My ex, three weeks ago when we were breaking up. I’m sure he would have loved for me to believe a tiger changes his stripes.
[–]lightanddaffodil29 points30 points31 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That, and "I wish you didn't remember..."... ugh, just reminding myself of that makes me feel annoyed
"All the wishing in the world won't undo what you did and said to me... But I'm glad for it because it lead me out of the fog"
[–]SarcasmSlideFDS Disciple33 points34 points35 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Never let go of your elephant memory, ladies. Gaslighting can’t work if you acknowledge objective reality. But always pause for self-reflection if you find yourself filing away specific examples and behaviors to bring as evidence before the court in later arguments. This indicates the male in question has a pattern of making you doubt your own feelings, experiences, and memories. Males who love you don’t do that.
Never stop self-reflecting my fellow queens. Never ever not even on your death bed.
[–]atuanFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This exactly. I ended my relationship with this compulsive desire to explain myself and developed an attention problem in conversations because of it. It took a long time to realize that it was because of the ten years of gaslighting.
[–]fermata102FDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
YAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
[–]SamuelaTheThriftyFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I HATE it when someone tries to use that as an excuse.
[–]AlextheAnalystPickmeisha™️12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Correction: you keep doing old 💩💩💩.
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They literally think they never have to get better
[–]atuanFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I just got told “I don’t have time for these constant conversations about your needs.” The conversations wouldn’t be constant if we had one true respectful one and then actions followed the words. The constant conversations are because you’re full of bullshit when we have then.
[–]imandotjpg10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
!!!!!!!!! Thank you
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
People are not as original or unique as they think. We all operate in patterns. We must start with recognizing our own and taking an action where the change is needed. Then notice the patterns in the people around you and don't doubt your intuition when it screams "I've seen this before! I know how it's going to end!" That's your pattern recognition at work.
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Ew. But its a boy named Caleb and he's using a misogynist slur for 'comedic' effect.
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[–]shoelaceysFDS Newbie244 points245 points246 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mawi331FDS Newbie70 points71 points72 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]AlextheAnalystPickmeisha™️53 points54 points55 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mawi331FDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Gambit12345FDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Mawi331FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fierce_and_mightyFDS Apprentice102 points103 points104 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice34 points35 points36 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]takethemonkeynLeaveFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CSardothien_1FDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Betty_BottleFDS Newbie51 points52 points53 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jay-quellenPickmeisha™️36 points37 points38 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]atuanFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fireforestfairyFDS Newbie100 points101 points102 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]stbfAAAFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AprilMoon992 points93 points94 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]CSardothien_1FDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Optimal_Grapefruit_5FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]QueensJujuFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]seawitchbitchFDS Newbie122 points123 points124 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]libraliaFDS Newbie95 points96 points97 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]awreathafranklinFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Elisa_LaViudaNegraFDS Newbie97 points98 points99 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lightanddaffodil29 points30 points31 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SarcasmSlideFDS Disciple33 points34 points35 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]atuanFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fermata102FDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SamuelaTheThriftyFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AlextheAnalystPickmeisha™️12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]atuanFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]imandotjpg10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link