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[–]mashcraft4FDS Newbie274 points275 points276 points 3 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
What makes so many women so fixated on marriage? Even when I was in the 6th grade I remember thinking I wasn't going to get married until I was at least 30. I wanted to see the world, etc. It seemed like the least important part of adult life. I could never understand women who were focused on that.
[–]someoneyoudontknow0120 points121 points122 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same. And then I grew into my senior year of HS, got a boyfriend cause I wanted to know what that was like, and lost that empowered mode of thought for most of my 20’s. I hit major FOMO for too long! I learned a lot though and now getting back to my true self’s version of who I want to be. It’s never too late, queens!
[–]DeorisGreyFDS Newbie105 points106 points107 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I think it boils down to the women in your life. My mother, grandmothers and even some aunts always talked about my future marriage as my greatest achievement.
Getting into uni was only viewed as a way to find a husband with better education. It didn't matter if I studied Medicine or History (not to bash a History degree, but in my country it was viewed as a guaranteed way to unemployment), because my career would be over as soon as I got married and had children.
Now that I'm in my early thirties and firmly saying that I won't get married unless I find an amazing man, I still get comments from my mother and grandmothers saying I should have children soon before it's too late. They mean well, but it gets tiring. I can understand that many women just succumb to peer pressure and accept the first man that proposes just to stop the comments.
[–]PasdepromessesFDS Disciple37 points38 points39 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Getting into uni was only viewed as a way to find a husband with better education.
This was the same for me too. Although I was the very first person from both families who went to university, so my parents were very proud, especially my dad. But they didn't see it as the start of a career path. After my LTR, my dad was very worried because I became 'his responsibility' again.
My parents mean well, but it bothered me a lot that me having multiple degrees, a good job, a home and a car somehow don't show that I'm perfectly capable to care for myself. A lot of people don't even do it with malignant intentions. I know for a fact that my parents really want me to have a husband to 'take care of me', because they're really afraid and they want their version of the best for me.
I even had to comfort my dad about this on his deathbed and he cried when I reassured him that it was okay to go, that I did really well in life. He still asked my younger brother to take care of my mother and me.
A lot of women around the world are told that their only intrinsic value lies in being subservient to a man. And that they are not capable to take care of themselves/do it al alone. Even in more 'progressive' cultures, but it might be more covert. It's a good thing that more and more women are waking up to the knowledge this is not true. I see a lot of women who are able to pursue their own dreams while they are getting their own bag and prove everyone wrong. It's really hard to break from such indoctrination though, so I'm really glad that things like FDS exist to help and educate the willing.
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I can understand that many women just succumb to peer pressure and accept the first man that proposes just to stop the comments.
It never stops though. Happened to a close friend of mine, succumbed to parental pressure and marry the guy, had children after a year and even after suffering THIRD-DEGREE tear during birth, all she got was "Oh when will you have the second child? Better be fast before it is too late" - SHE WAS 25 AT THE TIME!
Society really just see women as nothing but a baby-making machine.
[–]DeorisGreyFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It makes me sad to read stories like these. At the same time, I am glad I didn't give in to the wishes of my family and married too soon. Chances are they would still view me as an accessory to the man, not someone who put aside her dreams to make babies.
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Chances are they would still view me as an accessory to the man, not someone who put aside her dreams to make babies.
Nope, no "chances are" - that's literally all they think of you - accessory to the husband, baby maker, and kitchen worker. Our sacrifices are just "what a women is born to do" - we should thank them instead for being given the chance to be the bangmaid slave to the man.
Like this another marriage horror story: I read a marriage counseling account about a very beautiful woman married to an unattractive man and they both live in his mother's house. The wife takes care of the sick, bed-bound mother while the husband goes out fishing every day after work to "relieve stress". They have like 3 small children and when the guys' siblings came for a visit, the wife has to take care of the entire household, and cook for all of them. And the youngest brother still live with the mom too, and she has to clean after him too.
Do they all be thankful for her for doing allllll of those? Nope, they just hurl insults and tell her how "lazy" she is for not being fast enough. The mother yells at her everyday for "taking his son's money while living here rent-free", the wives of the siblings all just treat her very very poorly. The youngest brother also gets mad at her for not picking up his mess fast enough. She can't even take 5-minutes toilet break in peace because her children will be fussy, and the household will start screaming at her. She develops severe depression and talks about wishing to eat a simple meal in peace for once.
That is a literal slave-ownership.
[–]jasminehead4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My friend and I are in mid 20s, and my friend keeps telling me that I’m behind on my life, I need to find a new bf and get get engaged etc is so annoying (I recently got out from a miserable long term relationship and I honestly have no energy to find a new partner right now). She is from a very conservative household and now she is pushing her bf to get married before she gets “too old” because of the pressure from her family and friends. She gave up her job to move in with her bf. It makes me sad when I think of her because it looks like she is wasting her potential ... I stopped talking to her recently because she kept pushing her view of marriage to me, which was exhausting.
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My friend and I are in mid 20s, and my friend keeps telling me that I’m behind on my life
Girl, I am 30 this year and by your friend's standard I should have be in the grave already. All these people be acting like you should achieve all the bloody things within 10 years after you just finished an entire childhood of mandatory schooling. And we wonder why so many people have mental and psychological problems.
she is pushing her bf to get married before she gets “too old” because of the pressure from her family and friends
Does she not realize after 30 she have an average of 60 years of livehood? What will she do with all those years - just be "old" and miserable?
It is scary how women are brainwashed to think that all we ever have value for is just within that measly 10 years - after that we all are just a bunch of "expired goods". While men think they are the hottest shit in town at 60 years old with beer belly and smelly breath.
[–]Dontstopmenow2021FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Same! And I agree with DeorisGrey. It boils down to the women in your life. Neither my mom nor my girlfriends were fixated on marriage...interestingly enough that made all of my ex boyfriends more attached. Yet I was a serial monogamist and it's only now that I can envision a potential life without any man and the picture so far isn't that bad...in fact it's lovely!
[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
boyfriends more attached
because you were not interested in marriage
[–]Few_DirectionFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Seriously. I never found marriage appealing as a child, nor should any child. Kids should be kids. Young adults should be young adults. I don’t know if it’s because some parents almost train their daughters to grow up to idealize marriage. Giving them baby toys to “take care of”, playing “house”, giving them kitchen sets to “cook” in and so on. Whereas boys usually never think of such things or entertain such toys/games. I’m not saying those toys/games are bad at all, but I feel like this belief that little girls are nurturing and emotional and little boys are troublemakers and wild, tailoring these activities to only little girls, creates women who are desperate for marriage (no matter who the guy is or what type of person he is) and men not being even nearly as ready for it/not even caring for it when they get older. Just my two cents
[–]HoldMyPoodle6280FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Like it or not the world is sometimes a safer place when you're a younger woman to have a man around, or at least that is what I thought. I having a partner at my side have me status and agency among my peer group, in my family, and in the public world.
It took me years to realize that having a partner often takes away your freedom and safety in private. At this point, I'm reassessing.
[–]lalanatylala6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think it depends on your family too, my family is from a super patriarchal culture but my mother married in her early 30s and always told me and my sisters to have fun, and go to uni, before settling down because you never get that time back.
[–]curieusecat2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea some of my friends were dreaming of marriage, I've never even thought about it!! Don't see the point tbh. Probably because my parents never did. (Except my dad proposed last summer, lol)
[–]DarbyGirl1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In my case marriage was almost your "goal" from the time you were little. I remember constantly hearing "when you're married". I remember planning my wedding as a child with my best friend. We'd dream of this magical day. Thinking back on it, there was never really an emphasis on what happened after marriage, kids were oft implied ad I knew when I was a teenager that I never wanted kids of my own. I liked kids enough, just not enough to have my own. I preferred animals. "When you get married" was said as often as "you need money to do that", even better was "better marry rich if you want to do that".
[–]Money-Illustrator-52118 points119 points120 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I hate how even as a young girl, I viewed my self worth as tied to male interest and approval. It’s depressing that most men don’t care about me outside of what I can provide them, and when I stop providing (physically, emotionally) they stop caring. I’m looking forward to living my life for myself and doing things because they will make ME fulfilled. Letting go of the woman I feel like I’m supposed to be and embracing myself as a person with interests, intellect, and worth outside of my relationships with men.
[–]WorthReindeer8FDS Newbie103 points104 points105 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
needed this 🥺 esp in my culture, 2 more years
[–]Altowhovian93FDS Newbie192 points193 points194 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Education is key. Abs work experience. Protip, y’all looking for a graduate degree? Work for 2-3 years after your bachelors, where your crap pay matches your debt. Then get a job that pays for your masters. I went straight from my bachelors to my masters, got a massive case of burnout and loans, then I had too much education for too little experience. Work smarter not harder!
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I am lucky in that I work as a research assistant while doing my masters, so it pretty much pay for itself. But yeah better to work and let it pay for your education, being hungry and scrapping by while writing your thesis isn't fun at all. And the debt, not fun at all.
I went straight from my bachelors to my masters, got a massive case of burnout
Oh sis I feel you on the burn out one. It has been a year since I graduated and I am still burnt out.
[–]Altowhovian93FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah.... my TA job did not pay for my degree. I’m adding really research your degree program and school costs. Literally no one cares where you went to school, just that it’s regionally accredited and accredited in your field.
[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
regionally accredited and accredited in your field.
what does the former mean????????
[–]Altowhovian93FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Accreditation means the school has met the regional/national standards. Places need to be accredited to get federal/state funding and to issue legit degrees.
Field: for example, I have a counseling degree. There’s been movement to standardize the courses so that everyone takes the same courses no matter the state. If a counseling degree is CACREP accredited, it’s met the national standard, not just the region/state standard.
[–]weekend111FDS Newbie81 points82 points83 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Let men be the ones to strive to marry, they’re the only ones to benefit from rushing women into marriage. Women should wait as much as they want.
[–]Dontstopmenow2021FDS Newbie48 points49 points50 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Exactly! I mean patriarchy is freaking brilliant...putting us in the position to beg for any type of commitment, thus making unpaid labor desirable, while they're the one benefitting from it!! LOL
[–]weekend111FDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
That’s one thing I can commend them for. There’s nothing in it for us, everything in it for them, but they still managed to make us believe they’re doing us a favor.
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
There’s nothing in it for us, everything in it for them, but they still managed to make us believe they’re doing us a favor.
Ugh makes me remember the smug face of the guys when talking about their girlfriends begging them to get married... They all act like they are the most precious prize and the girlfriends better kneel in gratitude because they "will think about it". While they just sit on their asses playing games all day and smoking. Ughhhh.
[–]gchris132 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I needed to read this, thank you! I love this sub
[–]4000worms58 points59 points60 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I love this!! 23 is so young, and I wish more women didn’t feel tied down to societal expectations 😭
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
And women are still "young" at 30, 40, 50, heck even 60 and 70s because we take care our ourselves better and keep our life space clean. And I only meet a rare few who doesn't have at least a basic skincare routine.
A woman mostly "let herself go" when she get too burdened and exhausted caring for a POS manchild who never stop negging and complaining her every actions. And forced to be the "man of the household" because duh, even Wonder Woman will give up with that kind of excruciating burden.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And women are still young* at 30
No quotation marks needed
[–]NannieBobbs96 points97 points98 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I’m still doing this at 37 and every time I wish it wasn’t so “empty” feeing, I remember the men I’ve dated and the boyfriends I’ve had compared to the volume of travel, professional accomplishments, network of friends, and loving family I have. While the world may feel (and be) unfair at times, I’m absolutely living my best life.
[–]Dontstopmenow2021FDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Reframing things and living by our own rules is everything :) It's tough sometimes because societal expectations and pressure never stops but shutting down noise and remembering what really makes us happy is the key (and just like you, for me it's my career, close family and the fact that I lived on different continents).
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie140 points141 points142 points 3 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
I wish my 20 year old self saw this. I’m currently 23 who dated an LVM for 3 years. Here’s to leveling up without a man 💃
[–]goldcoastkittyrn112 points113 points114 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
23 is still VERY young. Your mind is still growing and changing. Celebrate yourself and that you dumped that dumbass!
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie62 points63 points64 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I’ve had this idea that I had to find my one and only by my mid 20’s but life just doesn’t work that way. 20’s are the years to be selfish as hell.
[–]usedtissueandsockFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
same, just got out of a toxic relationship with a NVM and i’m ready to be selfish and look out for me and me ONLY 🥳 🎉 cheers to that girl!!
[–]pearlyshimmerFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I plan on being selfish as long as I please tbh 😂
[–]frisbeegrrrlFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's the way to go! Guys have no problem doing it, we ladies ought to as well!! 🙌🏼
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm so selfish all men started to tell things to me like a future barren woman whenever I call them out on their tantrums.
Ha ha ha. Lil bitches.
Honestly I take their insults as a proof that I am shaking their core and they know I know their shit. Hahaha
[–]99powerFDS Apprentice37 points38 points39 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, I’m your age and just realized that dating really isn’t for me. It’s awkward as hell, and I don’t even remotely wanna pretend that chewing food with strangers in an overly formal setting puts me in a good mood. If some man falls outta the sky for me, great. Until then, I’m planning my life around my career goals (which I’m still finding out obvs) and that’s that. Cheers to our twenties!!
[–]Dontstopmenow2021FDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
23? Gosh, you were born yesterday ;) You have soooo much time ahead of you and now that you know FDS you'll be unstoppable!
[–]LevelingUpQueen_FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is never too late queen! Keep on leveling up and be as selfish as you can be!
[–]ourstupidtown59 points60 points61 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I want to do this but i also want a dog 🥺 I need companionship
[–]Angrboda229FDS Newbie54 points55 points56 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Get that fluffy puppy since they can ward off men who aren't right, especially if it's female. I listened to a podcast where a woman gave away her dog because she didn't like her bf who she thought was perfect and HV because he essentially hid his real self until the engagement happened. Turns out he was abusing the dog when she wasn't there, but treated his male dog respectfully in private (even though he still abused both dogs).
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sick shit.
[–]guavagoodnessFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Okay? And stop trying to play wife. That shit ain’t cute. Start making dollhouses as a hobby if you wanna play house with these dusties.
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As I turn 23 this year, I needed to hear this! My finances are excellent and I’m going after my dream career. I’m very happy to be single!
[–]takethemonkeynLeaveFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
BEST ADVICE EVER
[–]gigi_chiFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🤩
[–]VillanellohFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Have you noticed how people who idealised marriage as the best thing you can ever do also call their own pre married life 'the best years of their life'
[–]quirkypinkllamaFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
amazing info. and yes, this was the life I led and I love where I'm at cause of it! <3
[–]AotearoaCanuckFDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is BRILLIANT!! ❤️
Or a 30 year old with her whole life ahead of her
[–]Interesting_Day1188FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This truth bomb just blew-up my world. This is how I was living my life Pre-Covid after dumping my ex and it was brilliant.
What a perfect way to summarize how to live your life, because this is how men live their's!
[–]waddameloneFDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Stop screaming at me 👀
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[–]mashcraft4FDS Newbie274 points275 points276 points (19 children) | Copy Link
[–]someoneyoudontknow0120 points121 points122 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DeorisGreyFDS Newbie105 points106 points107 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]PasdepromessesFDS Disciple37 points38 points39 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]DeorisGreyFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jasminehead4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Dontstopmenow2021FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Few_DirectionFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HoldMyPoodle6280FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lalanatylala6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]curieusecat2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DarbyGirl1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Money-Illustrator-52118 points119 points120 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WorthReindeer8FDS Newbie103 points104 points105 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Altowhovian93FDS Newbie192 points193 points194 points (6 children) | Copy Link
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[–]weekend111FDS Newbie81 points82 points83 points (6 children) | Copy Link
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[–]weekend111FDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]gchris132 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]4000worms58 points59 points60 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NannieBobbs96 points97 points98 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dontstopmenow2021FDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie140 points141 points142 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]goldcoastkittyrn112 points113 points114 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie62 points63 points64 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]usedtissueandsockFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pearlyshimmerFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]frisbeegrrrlFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]99powerFDS Apprentice37 points38 points39 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dontstopmenow2021FDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]ourstupidtown59 points60 points61 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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