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jjlew922
[–]MonarchCrew186 points187 points188 points 3 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
One of the main reasons I didn’t report 😞
[–]sassylittlespoon151 points152 points153 points 3 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Same. I told a trusted friend and she asked me first if I had been drinking and second what I was wearing. If a friend blamed me, I couldn’t imagine what the cops would say. So I said nothing.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]sassylittlespoon55 points56 points57 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you for saying that. It’s been a lot of time and therapy, and I’m in a pretty okay place with it now, but hearing that always really helps me. ❤️
[–]ScrappleSandwichesFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And, the conviction rate is insanely low. The odds are great that you would have put yourself through hell for nothing.
My daughter reported. She got a conviction after a year of hassle. Guy got nine months of probation. Was it worth it? I really don’t know sometimes.
[–]MonarchCrew31 points32 points33 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My (who I thought to be) friend told me I deserved it because it was my then-boyfriend who told me to stop spending time with my best friend and I didn’t do what he demanded. So somehow I deserved it according to her.
[–]-pop-fizz-clinkFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yup. Victim here. Detective had the nerve to assert I was lying and that she could charge me with criminal mischief.
[–]sassylittlespoon16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s awful. I’m so sorry.
[–]Journalist_FullFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same as well. Sad how common this is. I saw a statistic that said 1 out of 6 women have experienced attempted rape or have been raped. 1 out of 6 and yet people still victim blame
[–]WhoNeedsTearsFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
When I reported my sexual assault the male cops asked how much I had to drink. When I told them, they did this whole shock and awe and wow that's more than I can drink, as they chuckled and laughed at their not funny joke with each other.
It made me feel terrible. I already felt terrible. I didn't want to report either...I had to because I needed the morning after pill. There's a question on there asking if you need the pill due to a rape, I responded yes. They (pharmacist) had to report. I hated the process. The nurse that took care of me at the hospital was so kind though.
Edit: this happened 14 years ago and it still makes me upset and it makes me more upset that this is STILL the attitude people have towards victims of sexual assault. Ugh
[–]SaffroFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Kills me that so many women feel this way.
[–]chateauduchatFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same.
[–]jjlew922FDS Disciple[S] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gosh I’m replying here for all the above comments that I love you ladies and so proud of us for telling our stories and getting the truth out to support each other!!!! I have seen so much of this blaming of women for the rape they’ve endured, the gross evil of it I’m still haunted. Taking a friend to have an abortion which I later understood was a fucking gang bang she endured by being raped and drugged in a fucking Frat house in a Big 10 school. I know I was drugged too, twice, in the 4 years I spent there. I guess thanks to, or despite of, I’m super sensitive and hyper-vigilant cause I’ve endured sexual abuse way earlier than that. I guess it “protected” me but not really. I worry and pray for my daughter and for all us women trying to make sense of it all ❤️
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
We don't do that here.
[–]Saltlake1FDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I was sexually assaulted my sophomore year of college. When I finally got away from him and managed to get myself an uber I was crying in the backseat on the phone with my roommate telling her what happened and my uber driver whipped around and YELLED at me “maybe if you weren’t dressed like that this wouldn’t have happened. I’m so tired of bitches like you getting in my car who can’t take responsibility for what happens to them.” It made it so much worse.
[–]MagnfiqueMaleficentFDS Disciple8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What. The. Fuck. What a horrible stain of a human to insert himself into a trauma in order to make it worse. If there’s a hell, he deserves to roast in it.
[–]sweetpotatocupcakeFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Jesus christ!!!!
[–]LingueenFDS Newbie53 points54 points55 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
they will always pin the blame on women. ALWAYS
[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple52 points53 points54 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
fuck men.
Honestly it is why I didnt report an accident that happened at work. I was young. Couldnt be arsed to deal with the backlash.
[–]Pudding5050Pickmeisha™️17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ah yes, the long sought-after fame and attention of being a rape victim...
[–]SaitschikFDS Disciple80 points81 points82 points 3 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
When men go to the police and report sexual violence they are believed. No matter how many years later, nobody questions their integrity and accuses them of "lying out of jealousy". And they still have the nerve to whine about how much harder it would be for them.
[–]OrangeyPandaFDS Apprentice52 points53 points54 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Studies also show that men don't have anymore embarrassment or fear of reporting then women do. They always like to pull that one as if women can just confidently report their attacker without a fear in the world.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]SometimesJackaFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Misogyny is a “gender” (sex) thing.
[–]deathbecomesme123456FDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It already is.
[–]SaitschikFDS Disciple13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is a gender thing so what's your point?
[–]jjlew922FDS Disciple[S] 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s biological. Men are born of larger statue. Women can learn the tactics to fight, but innately, if you’re a man you’re at an advantage. Also you’ve got the tool to actually penetrate. I’m so sick of hearing “rape” from men because logically and biologically it makes no sense. The odds of them actually experiencing a girl riding them while they were asleep is a fantasy they’re trying to pretend is real based on the amount of porn and fantasy genres of video games. The truth is the truth. An erect penis takes blood flow and consciousness for that. I’ve never heard of a woman trying to stick a 2 inch limp dick in themselves for pleasure. It makes no sense. Please though if you have proof otherwise, I’d love to hear it.
[–]moonchild2998FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I made the horrible mistake of telling my ex what happened to me. His already non existent trust in me was shattered because he claimed “if you can’t even tell your mom about something like this, how can I trust that you’d be honest about our relationship?”
Yes, because sexual abuse and cheating are very similar! But after that he used it as fuel to accuse me of cheating on him and lying about it.
Sometimes we just gotta get some of this stupid shit off our chests
[–]HmtnswFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Where is the lie?
[–]Rasaya87FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel this. Police didn't do jack shit when I was in high school, I got called a psychotic bitch behind my back (that I learned years later), and since it was my first boyfriend, due to how most of my peers and family didn't give a fuck and thought I was making it up, set the precedent for me "accepting" sexual abuse and rape for years to come from my future partners.
Because of that experience, I had thought not being listened to when I said no, or was uncomfortable, or was being pressured/coerced to have sex even if I didn't want to, was normal, even though I logically knew it wasn't.
It fucked me up for years and now, at 33, I have woken up to the fact that, yes, I do have the right to say no and be listened to, that my feelings and thoughts do matter, and started standing up for myself, in all ways. Friends, family, potential partners.
I won't put up with the abuse anymore.
[–]Substantial-Ad-17451 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So sad 😞
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice63 points64 points65 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Well if you're going to ruin someone's reputation and life, they need make sure the other person isn't lying.
Maybe don’t preface a comment with something that sounds like the victim chose to “ruin” the offender’s life. The perpetrator made a conscious decision to violate the victim, any consequence is due to their own actions.
[–]SaitschikFDS Disciple28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Also, if the victim wants to ruin the offenders life there is no problem with it. Male perpetrators prey on women being docil and forgiving until the bitter end. Female socialization is their biggest coup.
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. I have no time for people who are dogmatic about forgiveness. Fuck that. It doesn’t take the trauma away.
[–]CrazyPaineFDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What kind of comment is this? If a person has committed rape or sexual assault, why should the victim give a damn about the assaulter's reputation? Why? Women and men deserve fair trail of justice however the justice system is always favoring someone's reputation, status, money and power. When people are involved in sexual crimes it doesn't even matter it seems like and it's not fair for the abusive, trauma and hurt that the victims have to face every single waking moment of their lives.
[–]CrazyPaineFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Touchè you are correct about the game "who do you believe" however I just wish that when victims are that telling the truth and speaking out it even if it's been years, reporting it late, having evidence or anything that it gets looked at as a crime and not something that can be simply brushed off. That's why women and men don't report it because they feel as though they are bothering, annoying the justice system or they don't feel like they are not being heard, believed or even seen.
[–]AlynxieFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Indeed, you're right. I can't even begin to imagine the shame and utter disgust one might feel after being sexually assaulted. I've "only" experienced unwanted touching and that in itself has made me incredibly uncomfortable and sometimes it's even hard to say something when that happens, so yeah, might take a long time to build up the courage to say something when you've been raped. That probably plays a part as well, knowing that the justice system tends to side with the alleged perpetrator, you being shamed and called a harlot. It's all just terrible.
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[–]MonarchCrew186 points187 points188 points (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]sassylittlespoon151 points152 points153 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]sassylittlespoon55 points56 points57 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ScrappleSandwichesFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MonarchCrew31 points32 points33 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]-pop-fizz-clinkFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]sassylittlespoon16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Journalist_FullFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WhoNeedsTearsFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SaffroFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]chateauduchatFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jjlew922FDS Disciple[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Saltlake1FDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]MagnfiqueMaleficentFDS Disciple8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sweetpotatocupcakeFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LingueenFDS Newbie53 points54 points55 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple52 points53 points54 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pudding5050Pickmeisha™️17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SaitschikFDS Disciple80 points81 points82 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]OrangeyPandaFDS Apprentice52 points53 points54 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]SometimesJackaFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]deathbecomesme123456FDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SaitschikFDS Disciple13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jjlew922FDS Disciple[S] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]moonchild2998FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HmtnswFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Rasaya87FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Substantial-Ad-17451 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice63 points64 points65 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]SaitschikFDS Disciple28 points29 points30 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CrazyPaineFDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]CrazyPaineFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AlynxieFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link