Are there any specific and subtle questions you can ask male acquaintances to vet them?

DontAskTwice-A-Roni · 2021-04-20T21:48:38+00:00

Just let them talk. As much as men bs about women talking too much, I’ve never met a man who wasn’t desperate to unload every unpopular opinion he holds to literally any woman who was unfortunate enough to be in the same room.

Also, I’ve made a point to NEVER have strong opinions about anything at work because I want to see what my all-male coworkers actually think in casual conversations. You’d be surprised just how comfortable they are to say, out loud, the clownish things they believe.

I have no doubt that there’s plenty they know better than to say to their only female coworker, but I’m honestly shocked just how comfortable they are saying the dumbest things about their failures as romantic and domestic partners 🥴

FabledAngryVillager · 2021-04-20T20:47:49+00:00

Show them AITA threads and ask for their "unbiased" opinions. They out themselves pretty quickly. Don't make it clear what answer you'd prefer to hear, appear very open to "both sides".

_NotWellBitch · 2021-04-20T23:13:43+00:00

margaret kent, how to marry the man of your choice, chapter 5. you will learn how to let people talk and reveal themselves and what questions to ask, while not giving up much yourself. libgen has the pdf. got the recommendation from another poster and literally just finished reading, and i learned soooooo much.

it’s an old book so the stuff in the beginning about how to attract men sounds dumb, but skim through the whole thing to get what it’s about. she’s a genius

Spittens · 2021-04-20T21:05:11+00:00

Any 'what's your opinion on ______ issue?'

Then just sit and let them talk.

Saitschik · 2021-04-21T01:04:15+00:00

What he thinks about MeToo. But be prepared that 90% of the men will fail the vetting. it's still my go-to

thepsychopathhunter · 2021-04-20T21:18:23+00:00

Sometimes you won’t know they are LVM until later down the road. I actually made a full post on this but Reddit deleted it for some weird reason so I’ll repost it here in case my experience helps anyone!

Beware of LVM male friends and acquaintances. They sap your energy and retraumatize you too. Especially the ones who pretend to be “woke” and “on your side” and care about women but actually couldn’t give less of a rat’s ass.

Learn from my mistakes...

I won’t go too much into detail here because honestly I don’t want to be judged for this LOL and please be gentle because I am going through a lot right now but there’s a guy from the past who I made the mistake of talking with off and on - we have exchanged cute dog pics and memes. He’s not a close friend and we never dated IRL so I thought I was “safe” in sometimes corresponding with him. And I’ll admit, I used interactions with him as a source of comfort during tough times since I went through a heinous 2020 as I am sure we all did but I had one on steroids. Innocent dog pics helped but of course I could just do that with anyone.

There are times I’ve been suspicious of his lack of empathy and the fact that he seems to have interactions with women that end up being weird (he says he blocks them for “gaslighting” him but I don’t think he even knows what gaslighting means — he’s probably the one gaslighting them since I’ve had minor fights with him in the past for saying weird stuff too).

Anywho long story short. In the past he’s supported me when I confide in him about street harassment stuff I’ve gone through and he’s acted all “woke” about what women go through.

He would even pretend to be angry at certain male content creators for being “fake” and exploiting women— clearly this was a projection of his own wolf in sheep’s clothing qualities.

Turns out it’s all a facade because yesterday I texted him telling him how a guy followed me for 20 blocks straight and I had to rely on a kind stranger to walk with me to ensure I was safe.

Usually he responds to these types of messages with things like “what a creep!” Or something similar but this time he didn’t. At all. Didn’t even ask if I was OK or safe.

When I asked him why he never responded, suddenly out of nowhere he’s like “I don’t think I am someone you should be confiding in, I have a lot on my plate with apartment stuff and it’s really none of my business. That’s all.”

Apartment stuff. Is he serious? I see him making TikToks but he doesn’t take the time to even ask me, a female “friend” if I am OK.

I didn’t respond because I won’t give him that satisfaction. In the past I’ve engaged in his dumbass gaslighting tactics and there’s no more need for that. It’s a clear lack of empathy and assholery beyond belief. Even a stranger on the street was nicer to me than this acquaintance who I’ve talked with for over a year off and on.

Never trust any man, seriously. I am not even hurt by this or disappointed because to tell you the truth, I should have seen it coming. It’s just a confirmation of my instincts and past rationalizations of his behavior.

What I am is a bit angry and numb. Angry that this LVM thinks his “apartment problems” are more stressful than a woman facing life or death when clearly his issues don’t even stop him from creating TikTok content (sadly, he’s a viral TikTok creator with access to thousands of vulnerable women).

Oh and this man is over 32 and has been single for a while and has a harem of female friendships including his exes so there’s that too.

I made excuses for him since his mom has been sick for a few years (which I expressed my condolences to him for when he told me) and thought maybe that’s why his behavior is so Jekyll and Hyde but when I reflect, I remember all the adversity I’ve gone through and family emergencies and how that never took away my empathy for others. Or concern for their safety. Or how sending a simple text saying, “I am glad you’re OK” takes less than a minute.

It reminds me of how easy men have it and how over the years men in the past have painted themselves to be the victim so many times to me while horrifically abusing and neglecting the women in their lives. Women who have gone through 10x the amount of adversity in addition to all the problems that patriarchy presents. Gross.

Platipus6 · 2021-04-21T02:41:54+00:00

Ask them what they think a certain woman is thinking and feeling.

Watch their brains short circuit.

Conturas · 2021-04-21T10:56:35+00:00

I see how they take "no" for an answer for any situation.

sustaining-sam · 2021-04-21T03:24:07+00:00

Gonna go against the grain here and say there is no real reason to be friends with any men. They can be distant acquaintances, but if you are doing emotional labor for them as a friend, just know that men will most likely not return it in equal amounts (or at all). The time you invest in male friendships would be much better spent on female friendships. Women have a higher ROI.

inlovewithaloser · 2021-04-21T04:37:31+00:00

Ask them what they think of #metoo or other women’s stories.

If he’s one of those, “They could be lying, everybody wants to be a victim nowadays” (I’ve actually heard this) then you know they’re not really an ally for women.

SavvyPanther · 2021-04-21T04:45:05+00:00

Ask them what they’re reading—all of the HVM I’ve known have been avid readers

ihavenoideadwhatimdo · 2021-04-21T01:34:23+00:00

Ask them about who they’re dating and just listen to the way they talk about women

MaudlinMandrake · 2021-04-21T19:19:39+00:00

Dig into their Internet history.

I thought all of my male friends were great guys until I found out the kind of shit they spew under the guise of anonymity. I can’t look at any of them the same again. Most of them used the same usernames across all platforms, so once I knew the usernames they gravitated towards in video games, it wasn’t hard to dig them up on places like Reddit.

2021-04-20T21:15:28+00:00

Any question about any social issue happening, and when he expresses his opinion, ask him how he came to it. You don't need to be sly, just genuinely curious.

LavenderMechanism · 2021-04-20T20:54:29+00:00

Ask them what they want in a wife.

ihavenoideadwhatimdo · 2021-04-21T01:33:19+00:00

talk to them about who they’re dating, that’s your best bet, they reveal themselves

KevlarSweetheart · 2021-04-23T07:59:02+00:00

This is a lowkey one, but I would say if you bring up an emotional topic, gauge his reaction to it~could be indicative of his empathy levels.

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kreutzwortraetzel · 2021-06-12T16:20:30+00:00

Just get a demanding job, have a child, gain 20kg, and cut your hair short.

Your friends will be there.

All the LVM who kept you around as a sexual backup or narcissistic supply will be truly gone. They might text you to congratulate you on the baby and that's when you leave their story.

Ask me how I know.

the-worst- · 2022-01-29T18:38:20+00:00

I jokingly suggest to ask him when the last time he cleaned his vacuum cleaner was.

If he doesn't have a vacuum, doesn't know how to clean it, or insists you shouldn't need to clean it, than he's an instant out.

Title	Are there any specific and subtle questions you can ask male acquaintances to vet them?
Author	LexiJay94
Upvotes	138
Comments	48
Date	April 20, 2021 4:11 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mutv3o/are_there_any_specific_and_subtle_questions_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/are-there-any-specific-and-subtle-questions-you.762292 https://theredarchive.com/post/762292

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