I know we've all had pickmeisha traits in the past (and I'm still working to actively stop that), but after reflecting on my past relationships I've come to a realization. I've never been someone who goes out of their way to attract guys. HOWEVER once I am in a relationship, I used to feel the need to do anything I possibly could to stay with the LVM, even if I was fully aware of how unhappy I was. I used to live with my one ex and I would spend 3+ hours in the gym. Not because I was super into fitness or had a personal goal, but because I actually hated being home with him. I acknowledged that at the time and yet I didn't even consider breaking up with him? I would cry all the time, I recognized how horribly he treated me (I was his maid. Not even a bang maid because he was a porn addict and consistently chose his hand over me). But something in me kept telling me that it was my responsibility to fix it, work harder on the relationship, do everything I could to keep this lazy asshole around.

So I don't consider this to be pickmeisha traits since, well we were already dating. I've been calling it staywithmeisha, unless you guys have a better term for this specific behavior? Anyway, it's bad and I see a lot of women going out of their way to keep their LVM happy in a relationship that makes those very women miserable and it needs to stop. I'm actively not dating right now but if/when that happens again, this is something I am now hyperaware of and will no longer be participating in.

Edit: I have read the handbook. But personally, I have a hard time recognizing the specific behaviors I engage in when it's all under the same umbrella term. Of course the pickme traits come from the same internalizations and learning that is crucial. But the actual actions DO change as the relationship progresses and it was important for my growth to acknowledge those differences. If the distinction has helped me figure out what I need to work on, I'm sure it would help other women too.