15 years of dating, 2 kids... and she’s worried about holding him up?

Papaverinum · 2021-04-01T16:34:48+00:00

He would have no compunction about leaving her (and kids) homeless, if the roles were reversed...

MadamLeFay · 2021-04-01T16:57:26+00:00

You'd be surprised at how quick these men get jobs and homes when they need to get jobs and homes.

veruscka · 2021-04-01T18:03:55+00:00

Ugh I cannot wrap my head around couples who think it's a lesser commitment to have children than it is to just get married. If getting married seems like too much... maybe don't have kids with them? You can get divorced, but having a child with someone keeps you connected to them for the rest of that child's life.

mjkmeow83 · 2021-04-01T16:24:48+00:00

Hmm perhaps if she left him he would then have a reason to get a job. It’s hearing about these constant nightmare relationships that will keep me single for a lifetime.

hopewings · 2021-04-01T16:18:20+00:00

[deleted]

throwaway32132134 · 2021-04-01T20:28:25+00:00

I will never understand why people want to have kids with a boyfriend. I had a friend that had a kid with her boyfriend of three months (after ending a five year relationship two months prior to them getting together.). They planned it too, apparently. 🤦

Now it's almost two years later. She talks about how they have a "ten year plan for the future" and she wants to clearly get engaged and will mention it while he just remains silent LOL. So awkward. So you don't want to get engaged but have a ten year plan and a baby with your girlfriend? Such nonsense.

Also women need to stop pandering to men.

"If I leave he will be homeless because he has no job."

Oh well, that's unfortunate. Maybe he should have gotten a job. That sounds like a him problem. She shouldn't be making his problems hers, he definitely wouldn't if it was reversed. He had no problem using her for years.

Philosophiahinsomnia · 2021-04-01T16:29:13+00:00

My mother is currently doing exactly this with my step dad. My full sister and I have been infuriated over it for years. The guy is totally selfish, refuses to work, plays video games and does wtf ever he wants. He's mean to the kids I refuse to call him a father in any capacity. My mother does all the cooking, cleaning, works full time, maintains a vegetable garden, stays up late working on activism and a clothing line for that she's been building. She's a bad ass woman all except that she somehow loves this man. It's completely insane. Her self-worth is low from her upbringing and her narcissistic mother's abuses. She could do so much better, with or without a man and that emotional sink hole but she refuses to see it. I feel like she's just afraid of being alone. |:

Edit: And staying together "for the kids" in these situations is never the right answer. It just teaches them that these kinds of relationships are okay and they're more likely to lead a miserable life not valuing themselves or what a real loving partnership actually looks like.

2021-04-01T19:43:02+00:00

*screams internally* the number of these women, THE NUMBER OF THEM!! Why are there so many of these kinds of women, it makes me want to tear my hair out.

FlockAroundtheClock · 2021-04-01T22:28:20+00:00

Why do they always ask "has anyone ever been in this situation before?" No, honey, you're unique. 🙄

QueenCrownn · 2021-04-02T05:48:45+00:00

Well at least she finally knows love isn't enough 🙄. It's not rocket science, it's common sense. I don't even care about her "he still won't marry me comment" cause that's just pathetic. What does she want to marry? A failure? Home girl raising 3 damn kids...talking bout he'd be homeless. Sometimes it surprises me what women put up with

Worldly_Sell · 2021-04-01T21:46:02+00:00

It sounds more like she is worried about who is going to watch the kids while she works nights. I wouldn’t advise this but I do know exes that lived together but had separate lives until they got everything worked out.

veniphyl · 2021-04-01T16:58:23+00:00

Countless women are going through similar scenario or worse just because they want to be in a relationship. Most of them are doing it to themselves so I don't really feel sorry for them.

MACMUA · 2021-04-01T22:55:43+00:00

I’ve been in her exact position: was with my ex bf from 1998-2014. We have two kids and always dangled the marriage carrot for YEARS.

We are really good friends now it took a long time to get here. I wish him the best and will support him any way I can. But I would never date him ever again. What’s the point ?????

LevellingUpTime · 2021-04-02T02:06:05+00:00

This is where our grandmothers' little ditty: "first comes love, then comes marriage, THEN comes the baby in the baby carriage" really seems like sage advice. But hindsight is 20/20 -- I really do feel for this woman and her children.

On the bright side hopefully she's dodged a bullet by not marrying a clearly LVM. He has no job, she works. She probably doesn't have to give him a cent and will have an easier time getting full custody since he'll be homeless. A 13-year old should be responsible enough to babysit a 7-year old at night, but hopefully she has a good support network like parents/grandparents that can help out

spinsterchachkies · 2021-04-02T15:24:26+00:00

15 years. 15 years. Ugh that hurts my soul

savagecarebear2 · 2021-04-02T16:38:17+00:00

“Has anyone been in this situation before?” Not even if the throws of pickmeisha-dom would I have looked at that scenario and though “yeah, this is ok”

Sis needs A LOT of support. I hope she finds us 😓

Title	15 years of dating, 2 kids... and she’s worried about holding him up?
Author	miphasgraceful
Upvotes	278
Comments	44
Date	April 1, 2021 4:15 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mhyr7a/15_years_of_dating_2_kids_and_shes_worried_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/15-years-of-dating-2-kids-and-shes-worried-about.765835 https://theredarchive.com/post/765835

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