Just finished FLEABAG, it made me depressed

Pillowzzz · 2021-03-28T07:34:09+00:00

[deleted]

myousername · 2021-03-28T07:11:31+00:00

Personally I really enjoyed watching Fleabag. It's cringe comedy, the main characters are not supposed to be role models. A lot of it is satirical.

My favorite episode was the Retreat. On the woman's side, it was a "silent retreat" where they clean and do menial tasks quietly, and on the man's side they're screaming "WHORE" and "SLUT" at a blowup doll. It's making fun of what society considers "therapeutic" for men vs women.

Pillowzzz · 2021-03-28T07:48:43+00:00

I watched Fleabag before discovering FDS, so I wonder how my interpretation would be different had I watched it post-FDS. My initial interpretation of it was that women are playing a losing game, and I saw myself a lot in her character.

A male friend watched it and loved joking about the disturbing abuser rehab scene. Taking that one piece of dark comedy and interpreting it as slapstick comedy rubbed me the wrong way. That scene served to show that even in the process of abuse recovery society still coddles men over their victims. I think a lot of the beauty of the show can be lost on an audience who doesn’t care to break apart Fleabag reality into its component parts. That’s why I am wary of men being fans of it for its comedy. I really don’t think most men have the capacity to identify the very real struggles at the core of the show.

The show is a great snapshot of where women are in time. Fleabag is bothered by her sister’s NVM husband, her LVM dad and pickme wife, and she, to me, captures the effects of libfem hypersexuality. In pursuing casual sex she lost control of herself and ended up hurting the one person she adored. She was also the only character reacting to the negativity of the people around her while others were choosing to keep their heads down. She indulged in classic self-sabotage in reaction to the events and people in her life.

It bothered me when others thought of her as cruel and uncaring even though she was trying to have a relationship with her family despite all of the negativity. And we forget that Boo’s boyfriend was also cheating. I love Fleabag as a flawed character. Maybe if society didn’t socialize women to compete over men only to serve men’s egos then Boo would still be around. Towards the end I believed enough in Fleabag to not sacrifice her sisterhood again. I think we leave the character at the beginning of her ascension into a HVW.

I love the dynamic with Hot Priest because the celibacy within the priesthood is a way to maintain control over themselves and women. The one thing Fleabag can’t do is control her sexual impulses, and she’s more attracted to him partly because he’s Hot Priest and partly because she also wants that control in her life. She finds that priests don’t have it all figured out either and have their own control issues. My interpretation of the ending was character growth in accepting the things she could control (her sexual impulses) and the things she couldn’t (her dad’s behavior, her crazy stepmom, the guilt from a mistake she can’t fix). She became free from it all in the end because she looked everything in the face and called it what it was.

I prefer this flawed character to the new archetype of Disney princesses these days. We have girls starring as heroines with super strong powers and all of the responsibility, so basically a Mary Sue which just teaches girls to perform MORE FREE WORK for others. That’s not a solution either.

So I don’t solely want more representation. I want to not be oppressed, and the show explores many agents in the oppression of women.

Edit: And I love that her sister has a parallel journey as well. She has issues with food, job, and fertility. She married a NVM and is trapped in a marriage. I don’t think she’s quite finished with her journey because she runs off with another man, but at least she left the situation she was in and took the job she really wanted. Fleabag and her sister also reach a point in trusting each other above whoever else is trying to control them.

rawwwrrrgghh · 2021-03-28T15:08:57+00:00

I just started watching the show. What I really love about the show is how many times the characters ask each other how they feel and if everything is fine. They all lie and say everything’s fine but nonetheless the question is always there. Never seen this asked so often before.

Can’t really say much more cause I am at season one.

2021-03-28T14:20:32+00:00

I love the show, but whenever I hear someone say “I’m just like her”, “this is the story of my life” or „she’s such a role model” I just roll my eyes

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-03-28T05:40:07+00:00

It is depressing, that's why I couldn't make it past the second episode.

UniquePreparation4 · 2021-03-28T15:04:39+00:00

I thought it was just nice to see other women do roughly what I did at the low point of my depression. And without judgement.

No one really depicts it in media without the girl being a slutty party girl.

TheSilentGlomper · 2021-03-28T07:15:58+00:00

Eh, personally i really love fleabag. I do think that her views about sex are questionable at best. But I’m not sure I would call her a pickme. I don’t really agree with casual sex, but I feel as though Fleabag isn’t really in it for a relationship. I personally feel like she just wants to “feel” something. After her best friend died, she clearly struggled with a lot of relationships. And in the second season she did stop having those relationships (apart from hot priest and hot misogynist) and improved herself first. I also think the reason she’s attracted to the hot priest is because he’s religious. He’s unavailable because of his “relationship with god” so fleabag doesn’t have to break down her walls. Claire, of course is in a relationship with NVM Martin, but she does end up getting with HVM Clare.

Personally for me, I like the way Phoebe Waller Bridge portrays men in the show. A great example of this is at the end of season one with the feminist retreat. All of these women are just supposed to be silent and clean. Whereas the male hate retreat nearby is allowed to be as loud as they want with their distaste for women. They are not silenced, they are encouraged to be loud and proud about their feelings. Or her old boyfriend who thinks fleabag is “totally not like other girls” Even Martin who’s constantly secually harassing women but people are just told to take it as a “joke”

I do understand why someone from FDS might not like it though. And I definitely think British shows have a lot of problems with making women/a woman the butt of every joke. But personally i’ve like fleabag before and after FDS. Just my personal opinion

divination__ · 2021-03-28T15:22:04+00:00

Yeah, I agree. I really didn't like it and thought it was far too vulgar. I get how it's supposed to be 'refreshing' to see women who are 'fuck ups' and do not fall into the virgin/whore archetype, however I actually just found the character to be simply unrelatable? I also think once again the cavalier approach to sex feels disingenuous - like this character is completely unaffected emotionally by a lot of casual sex. Doesn't the first episode start with her worrying she has a huge a**sshole because she let some guy do anal with her the night before I just cannot imagine that being truly a casual experience for any woman. Not doing anal on a ONS let alone brushing off a degrading comment about it the next day. Maybe for some but none that I know. I think it once again takes a male archetype (narcissist anti-hero) and just fits it into a female perspective, and I don't actually think it captures the female experience at all. I think it is a liberal extension of "leaning in", just saying that women can be as shitty, as domineering, or whatever as men, instead of taking men out of the equation entirely and focusing on the reality of the lived female experience. I do actually think it stems from some internalised misogyny - that the stereotypically "feminine" traits of being sensitive, caring, and gentle, as opposed to brooding, difficult, emotionally-unattached, is somehow less "interesting" and "worthy" of being written about.

I will also like to add that though I do think Phoebe Waller Bridge is an incredible writer (Killing Eve is incredible), let's not forget that much like the rest of the British entertainment industry, she was born into incredible wealth and privilege (her family is literally landed gentry).

Summerisle7 · 2021-03-28T16:19:09+00:00

Yeah I have no desire to watch this show. It looks cynical and depressing.

brylm92 · 2021-03-28T14:23:28+00:00

I noped out of that show during the casual anal sex scene which I think was in the first 5 minutes

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2021-03-28T06:18:44+00:00

An lvm recommended that show to me claiming it was brilliant and hilarious (I wonder why) I watched it and hated it and he was so offended and questioned my sense of humor. I’m sorry that I don’t find negativity and depravity targeted at women ‘hilarious’ 🙄

Edit: Also what she did to her supposedly best friend is HORRIBLE

laurencetrishburn · 2021-03-28T16:07:44+00:00

I loved the show. But since FDS I'm beginning to question it.

PinkBlair99 · 2021-03-28T13:58:12+00:00

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bizzybumblebee · 2021-03-28T15:17:35+00:00

i can see how this show would aspire impressionable pickmes to sleep around

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-03-28T19:07:09+00:00

I turned it off after the first 10 minutes. I found it to be gross. I’m tired of graphic casual sex being used as a display of “empowerment “. You’re right it’s Pickmeisha shit. 🤷‍♀️

victoriabowen8 · 2021-03-30T18:08:16+00:00

Kind of a side note to your post, I was thinking a few weeks ago how sooooooo many movies and tv shows out there have the man cheating on the woman (a lot of the time wife/mother of his child). It's not always in the show/movie but it will be something that is brought up from the past that they've "moved past." I swear it's to condition women and girls that it's just normal to have your man cheat on you. Scary actually how subtle it is unless you're really looking for it.

Title	Just finished FLEABAG, it made me depressed
Author	gainsental
Upvotes	151
Comments	56
Date	March 28, 2021 4:58 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/meuvjh/just_finished_fleabag_it_made_me_depressed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/just-finished-fleabag-it-made-me-depressed.766929 https://theredarchive.com/post/766929

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