How to deal with the feeling of loneliness?

advice1988 · 2021-03-12T20:30:28+00:00

You have someone to share it with: yourself.

Watch comedy films, make a nice dinner, chat to a friend while you cook it or have a podcast on. Save something for the weekend you enjoy doing. I have a book I only read on Saturday mornings, in bed with a cup of my favourite ‘weekend’ tea and have a shuffle of my favourite relaxing songs to play in the background.

Make rituals and stick to them. For me Mondays are vegan fajita nights, Tuesdays watch an episode of ‘call my agent!’ (SO good I have to limit myself so I have something to look forward to after work) & have a vegan cheese board, Wednesday online book club & Thursdays peloton dance cardio (and think about all the ways I can undo it ) and on Fridays I buy a mini can of wine (so cheesy but I’m never a bottle finisher kinda gal tbh) some popcorn and watch a comedy series / film. On Sunday facemask & hairmask & dance while I food prep for the week and wash the floors.

It’s ok to feel lonely, I do a lot but don’t let yourself associate being alone to lonely. Your own company is company. Make her feel special and good enough to enjoy things with.

(Wish I could show you, wearing my pjs on my sofa with a blanket on me and a facemask on, sipping wine from a can and bougie popcorn I paid way too much for, next to my stuffed rabbit and watching ‘would I lie to you’ 👌🏾)

Edit: Also ‘sitting’ with the feeling, allow yourself to mourn whatever you want and highly recommend inner child meditations, to be kinder to yourself and give yourself permission to look after yourself. Self compassion is difficult but a pursuit that will ultimately add to your resources that you can use in the present and future.

bluebird_wings · 2021-03-12T20:43:51+00:00

The loneliest I ever felt was when I asked my ex to please comfort me when I was in physical pain and he refused to even pat my back or say anything reassuring. I got very upset, rightfully so, and cried and told him how wrong he was for treating me that way and I made it clear that I didn't deserve his emotional abuse.

The next morning he put on headphones for 8 hours and refused to discuss it or apologize for his actions.

He acted this cruelly towards me even if I was seriously ill, but he expected me to baby him even if he had a minor ache or pain. He literally complained when I was struggling with a long term Covid recovery and was too tired to entertain him after long hard workdays in an essential healthcare field......🤡

He was also a selfish, lying, cheating user and abusive in many other ways.

Point being: if you ever feel lonely, think about how bad it can be if you are with someone who is not treating you as someone important, special, and deserving of considerate kindness. Being with the wrong person is far more lonely than being alone, even if the scale is less severe than my experience.

After you have that thought, take good care of yourself and treat yourself like someone you love the most.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-03-12T20:54:53+00:00

Finding things you love like a good show, a book, a podcast, can do a lot for those moments when you’d normally be conversing. You could seek out some virtual groups, or schedule a zoom dinner with friends when you guys can’t meet in person. When I sit down for dinner I almost always pull up Youtube and watch a few select (wholesome) creators.

Really you just need to rediscover the things you loved before you got into a relationship and adapt them to the here and now!

Struggleis4real · 2021-03-12T22:33:17+00:00

I date myself because I am my own best friend. I’m #1! I also started using a weekly planner to organize my life, and would you look at that...turns out there is a lot for me to do!

Edit: Also maybe look into the stages of grieving. You are after all, mourning the loss of “what could have been” and that’s normal. Just don’t let it consume you.

Jiou112 · 2021-03-13T04:52:18+00:00

So once I realized the feeling of loneliness was actually mostly just silence and boredom, I fixed those issues. I started listening to podcasts. (Uh FDS podcast coming soon!!) Also audiobooks. The handbook has a list of good books, and I started a fantasy series I enjoy. So while listening to these, I started painting, cooking and I even listen to them while I hike. (Trained in self defense and pepper spray on hand! Make sure you're being safe.) Then as I started to realize how much time I actually had when not being hung up on some LVM, I started using my time to level up. Started going to school online, and doing more self care. As for the residual feelings of actual loneliness? I reached out to old friends, and even made some new ones. I forced myself past my social anxiety towards other women and been spending my time with real queens since. Men aren't the only people for company.

thighsmatch · 2021-03-12T21:07:04+00:00

[deleted]

edelbiatch · 2021-03-12T22:48:03+00:00

I believe you are in a tight spot bc you can't really go out and socialize due to Covid.

What I did after a breakup was making a list of things I always wanted to do but didn't have time for. There were things like trying out a new sport, going on a hike, trying out a new recipe, start a DIY project, do a guided meditation, watch an interesting movie, etc. I picked up one of these things from a list each week and did it. Sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was meh but in the end I picked up some amazing hobbies, learned a lot and made great friends on the way.

Only_Lime2520 · 2021-03-13T03:14:25+00:00

I think it's worth exploring if that loneliness has always been there running at the background your whole life even before & during your time with the LVM. Chances are, if you were with a LVM, you were likely just distracted from feeling it for a little while when he hadn't shown his true face.

I'm on somewhat a similar journey and I see this loneliness as a calling to reconnect with my deeper, wounded self. In the past when I was in the relationship I only ignored this calling because I was busy trying to feeding my soul into trying to keep the relationship alive. I was still lonely when I was with him, I just learned to ignore it... and I thought that I was fine.

And then at times, I remember the loneliness would cut through everything and became unbearable. The deepest cut that I felt was when he was lying right next to me...

Nowadays, with no LVM holding me back, I see it as a chance to created intimacy with myself. I ask myself what can I do to bring me closer to me?
I recently just bought a fun little book called "3000 Questions About ME" and I found that it's perfect for days like this. I would pour myself a little wine glass and slowly go through the questions. I feel fulfilled, but not in a distractive way. The feeling of fulfillment has increased over the months and my loneliness is becoming less and less intense. I don't know if it will completely go away but I feel that for now I can keep going forward with researching and finding ways to keep me connected to myself.
I guess maybe I want to suggest that you try to be curious about your loneliness but ask yourself what want that you can provide for you. I'm sure you will come up with something.

I'm in this with you and I sincerely hope that you feel better soon!

Lavender_flow · 2021-03-12T21:44:11+00:00

I would mention (with caution) getting a pet can really help and bring light into your life. I completely love animals and I think they make great companions, so it is something to consider. Depending on your situation home/work and how responsible you are, no pet should be brought into your life lightly ofcourse, but if you dont have time/energy for a cat or dog, hamsters or small pets are also excellent companions, even nurturing and caring for a fish can be very mindful. A pet is a year long commitment and if you get a cat or dog, for the next 16 years at least in the future, but taking care and loving a pet can really help you open up your eyes for new ways to love and love yourself. Animals do require a lot of care and planning prior bringing them into our lives, but I think they bring us a lot of joy, love and happiness too. I laugh at my cat and the dumb things she gets up to at least 10 times each day, she is not just a clown, she is the whole circus and she falls asleep on my chest every night. Sometimes my boyfriend gets hold her for a while, but she is 100% mommy's girl.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-03-13T04:15:13+00:00

I would agree with the all of the posts so far, get to know yourself and experience the loneliness feeling, treat yourself really well, find things you like to do, and maybe join an online club. I was hesitant at first, but I'm glad I joined an online weekly women's call, it's actually been super fun and refreshing.

Galileo_Spark · 2021-03-12T22:10:17+00:00

Perhaps these cute chipmunk videos could help when you are looking for a distraction.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs2Xfykq6ONapqI6TFKNyOg/videos

devoushka · 2021-03-14T15:51:23+00:00

You have to believe that you are enough! There are so many things you can do with your spare time. Read, watch a movie, volunteer, do school work or get ahead at work, work out, practice cooking something new, hit up a friend and go out to eat, or even start dating someone new if you're ready! If friends aren't nearby, have a phone call or video chat. Plan a future outing or trip to give yourself something to look forward to.

It's hard, but anything that is worth doing is hard. You'll be happy that you invested in yourself.

Title	How to deal with the feeling of loneliness?
Author	White_Swiss
Upvotes	104
Comments	31
Date	March 12, 2021 7:44 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m3pf4l/how_to_deal_with_the_feeling_of_loneliness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-to-deal-with-the-feeling-of-loneliness.767828 https://theredarchive.com/post/767828

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