I missed a lot of the red flags in my relationship because I thought my LVM was a "nice guy." Before we moved in together, things were fine. After, not so much. He pulled his weight around the apartment (cooking/cleaning), but he was VERY controlling about how the apartment ran:

-He started standing over my shoulder as I did chores around the house, telling me I was doing things wrong & had to do them his way (he'd watch as I did dishes, making sure I put the right amount of soap in the water)

-He criticized me if I didn't complete tasks exactly to his standards

-He got angry if I forgot to do small tasks like make the bed one day or put a dryer sheet in the laundry

-He began using off-hand insults to make me feel dirty/useless (ex: "No trouble you mopped today, because I can see the streaks on the floor.")

-If he forgot to complete a household chore, it was acceptable; if I forgot to do so, I was lazy/ good-for-nothing

-He gaslighted me when I called him out for his disrespect. He said he wasn't asking much of me & I needed to stop being so sensitive.

-He'd blame damage that was done to the apartment before we moved in on me. If anything went wrong in the apartment, it was because of me.

Some things he'd complain about:

-If I didn't take laundry out of the dryer to fold immediately

-If I forgot to turn the fan on during a shower

-If I boiled the kettle more than once for tea (cuz I was "wasting electricity")

-If I put his t-shirts on his hangers the "wrong way"

-If I forgot to turn off the heater before leaving the house

-If I left streaks in the tub after washing it

-If I stored items in our storage space for too long

-If I got the stove dirty when cooking

-If I had the heater on in more than 1 room...in the dead of winter (in Canada).

To clarify, this man does NOT have OCD. He's ok with things being out of order, as long as I didn't make them out of order. His standards do not apply to him.

It took me a long time to realize that he was being controlling, because it wasn't "typical" controlling behavior, like controlling where I go/who I see.

Does anyone have any similar experiences?