Do people really change?

-Ivar-TheBoneless · 2021-05-31T09:32:55+00:00

I think so. Life for men is like the hero's journey. Where the hero isn't the same person he was at the start of his journey.

KirthWGersen · 2021-05-31T12:28:22+00:00

People do change. A lot.

But the problem is they sometimes change for the better and sometimes for the worse. So it is always better to spend the present with someone you feel doesn't have a lot of negatives to change.

As my mother has aged, she has become less bitter, more in control of her emotions, less judgemental and kinder. It is a wonder to behold. But sadly, I've seen others go in completely the opposite direction.

MadJeanie · 2021-05-31T13:57:19+00:00

I think some people change, and some people don’t change. However, it also depends on what kind of change we’re talking here.

I’ve changed DRASTICALLY, probably more than most actually. I also have changed very little in some areas of my life.

My values towards myself is what changed the most. I’m trans and was deeeeply closeted for most of my life. I espoused views that I knew I didn’t actually agree with deep down, but did so to try to fit in, hide, appease others, and keep myself safe. I as a result, didn’t have nearly the empathy I do now towards others, because I wasn’t able to afford it to myself. I am even more outgoing about my political beliefs and more knowledgeable too. My values are different too.

However, all of it was deep in me, just hiding and scared to come out because of who I was and what society would think of me then.

But, as I said, all of that was within me before too. I did have a lot of empathy for others, it was just displayed differently and a bit diluted compared to what it is now. So in someways I didn’t change and some ways I did.

My personality largely stayed the same - I’m definitely still sarcastic and sassy, but laid back and easy going. Still like to party. So that hasn’t changed. Yet, I do it all with much more confidence than I ever had before.

I think the change I did was growth within myself, that allowed me to be a more authentic human being. It’s both a change and not a change. Yet, when you see it at face value, people should say I’ve changed drastically - which is both true and untrue at the same time.

Ogres_r_like_banned · 2021-05-31T16:27:05+00:00

You cannot change your core identity. However you can learn better coping skills or how to blend in more which is honestly all that matters. People only care about the real you insofar as it effects them. No effect on them = free to be what you want

Specific-Mall-9972 · 2021-05-31T17:56:52+00:00

It can be unbelievable that people would change as much as they do, but I see it as embodying a side of yourself that you’ve suppressed for many years and shedding inaccuracies that you’ve constructed.

yabbobay · 2021-05-31T18:09:13+00:00

Change is part of maturity.

NockerJoe · 2021-05-31T09:39:07+00:00

People change. Just not always at the same rate or in ways you can expect.

SaBahRub · 2021-05-31T14:51:06+00:00

You mean, do we stay selfish, self-centered, bored, horny teens and 20-somethings our entire lives?

I dunno; what do you think?

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-05-31T16:43:30+00:00

They can, yes, but typically don't. Only if they want to change and feel the need to change will they change.

flamingoinghome · 2021-05-31T17:41:38+00:00

Yes, they do, they really do.

Source: I did.

The thing is, it's not a guarantee, and it's not random. It's hard, and it takes a lot of work. If your life feels like it did in high school, it's because you're making that choice to stay that way. The alternative is not easy. I believe it's worth it.

It's also worth noting that you quoted Dr. House on this. I like that show myself, so i know the character. He's a misanthrope and a drug addict, and it's a major plot line in the show that he refuses, again and again, to try and change that. He says people don't change? Of course he'd say that. If he believed otherwise, then where's his excuse?

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ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-05-31T09:43:36+00:00

Yes. People change drastically. But slowly.

I don't know how old you are, but yes of course a 20 year old is not going to be that different from themselves at 18, unless there was a life changing event like pregnancy, death, etc.

But a 30 year old is incredibly different than the 18 year old.

The same problems that plague us in high school often plague us as adults (anxiety, depression, personality disorders etc)

This isn't the same thing as saying "we don't change." Yes if you have negative clinical outcomes you're going to be dealing with that probably forever unless you get on medication or figure out an alternative treatment. I myself have always had high levels of the big 5 trait neuroticism, and dealt with anxiety until i found an herb that helped me. But I'm almost completely a different person now than i was at 18. I'm more educated, for one, more mature, more capable of understanding others, less judgemental, i want a family now and didn't then, i fell in love, which i never expected to, i lost 80lbs and then went on a hookup tear, which i also never expected to, one of my dear family members died, and i almost died. I fought in a mixed martial arts bout, traveled the country, lived for 5 years in the Deep South, got lucky with investments, and got really in to a subject i never thought i would.

All of these experiences make me a much different person than i was. Even though my base neurotic big 5 trait is still there.

Gravel_Roads · 2021-05-31T11:15:45+00:00

People change, but it doesn't disconnect them from who they used to be, so much as it's a direct result of the accumulation of the experiences they have, and the conclusions they form based on them. Sometimes this is improvement, sometimes they get worse.

But you don't lose all the bricks that the building was built on, even if you build more stories on top of it.

BarestBranch · 2021-05-31T12:54:51+00:00

God, I sure hope so.

Starter91 · 2021-05-31T12:56:32+00:00

WilliamWyattD · 2021-05-31T14:22:06+00:00

I think the data shows that as you get close to 30, the chance of foundational personality change becomes very slim. It happens, but it is very rare. And yes, while more common, foundational personality change is rare at any age.

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-05-31T15:08:00+00:00

People change. I'm not sure if their core values change, but I think they learn how to modify their behavior to be more in line with their core values.

I used to be a push over when I was a kid. Then I had to learn how to set boundaries because I wasn't happy doing stuff others liked to do. As a result I changed, and lost some friends. Lately I've had to learn to go the other way and make myself more available and helpful to friends, rather than just be a passive friend in name only. It takes some dialing in. You make a change but sometimes it takes years to figure out if you got it right.

iamthemovie1992 · 2021-05-31T17:40:05+00:00

I’ve seen people change, it’s possible but they need to put the effort in to change themselves. You can easily tell a person that wants to and doesn’t want to. When people don’t change, it’s not because they can’t or are incapable, they just don’t see any problems with their behavior.

starryeyed702 · 2021-06-02T17:42:59+00:00

People can definitely change in some aspects; their habits, body, interests, communication skills, maturity, productivity efforts etc. But I think there are some facets that are difficult to change because they are more intrinsically possessed. Someone's empathy skills for one; I think you've either got it or you don't.

unamie777 · 2021-06-03T19:00:05+00:00

No I don't think no, not past the age of 25 that is. A fully mature and developed brain by the time your 25 to 28 is done growing and is beginning to age. your reflexes slow down, it becomes harder to retain information etc, this is why kids have a easier time learning new languages then adults do. So no, past a certain age people are who they are going to be for the rest of their lives. That's not always a bad thing unless your a shitty person then yeah; be yourself and don't front.

One of the things I can't stand about people is that they try and change others into who they think they should be. Worst is when people believe them and try and lie to themselves and change who they are by pretending to be something they're not. We should accept people for who they are; and if you like them, you like them. If you don't? oh well, there's 7 billion people on this planet you can try being around instead. no real loss.

QuenchlessGato · 2021-05-31T12:07:46+00:00

Adults don't really change fundamentally. They change their priorities but their preferences remain the same.

If someone really changes then it is usually due to some traumatic experience but it is more akin to developing a mental disorder than being an actual change as we understand it.

Title	Do people really change?
Author	owta_this_world
Upvotes	5
Comments	34
Date	May 31, 2021 9:26 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/nozaql/do_people_really_change/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-people-really-change.774001 https://theredarchive.com/post/774001

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