The Five Love Languages and Books of this Nature

Catz10000 · 2021-07-03T20:51:10+00:00

Also, a lot of these relationship "experts" have been divorced at least once. So...food for thought.

Men cannot relate to our experiences, but my theory is that scrotes learn how to appeal to Pickmeishas VERY quickly. Also, men feel like they have the right to proclaim their 2 cents on every topic - especially relationships - when they barely devote any time to anything besides the accumulation of sex partners.

glendoraza · 2021-07-03T21:06:24+00:00

My husband said physical touch is his love language (mine is too) , but he didn’t even talk about anything sexual until like 4 months in.

I was like finally, someone who is not a pervert.

And that’s not even a high standard I know.

When he says physical touch is his love language, he was referring to forehead kisses, hand holding, and hugs.

I won’t say he’s hvm, im still waiting on that verdict. We get married too quickly in our culture.

To be honest, I don’t think I’ve personally met a verified hvm

thepsychopathhunter · 2021-07-03T21:07:41+00:00

The love language thing is definitely BS in the way it is used by men to exploit women for sex. Also I don’t think there is one way we should settle for communicating and receiving love — even though I probably value words of affirmation a lot, I want all five and then some! 🤣Once women wake up they realize a lot of these male dating coaches are complete misogynistic frauds (e.g. we had a thread exposing Matthew Hussey as a fraud a cheater apologist a couple months ago).

These coaches teach us how to appeal to the male ego. It’s exhausting. Once you stop caring about impressing men who couldn’t give less of a shit about you, you begin to really enjoy life and stop centering men. Also we shouldn’t make the mistake of getting googly-eyed over a few HVM green flags before we’ve actually gotten to know the guy because that can set us up for disappointment too.

There are a lot of Pickmeisha dating coaches too. So both men and women in this industry teach us to fawn over men. Anyone have any good recommendations for good dating coaches that do not do this?

MurchaMarcha · 2021-07-04T00:15:27+00:00

imagine taking dating advice from fucking Aziz Ansari. Or Steve Harvey???

restlessGal · 2021-07-03T23:16:25+00:00

The concept of love languages has the same flaws as the MBTI types. You cannot fit someone in a box and except them to abide solely to that label. Humans are complex and that is simply not the case

Moreover, some people excuse their awful behavior and lack of communication and compromise on their love language

“Oh I know you love to spend time together but my love language is words of affirmation!!!” Bullshit. When there’s a will there is a way to meet you halfway

SkiesEclipse · 2021-07-04T01:54:48+00:00

I did the test and my “love language” is gifts. Any dude tries to ask me what my love language is, I’m telling him, I don’t give a fuck.

throwaway23er56uz · 2021-07-04T05:55:23+00:00

It's like Myers-Briggs personality types, signs of the zodiac etc. Complete BS. But people love sorting themselves into categories because they can then use these as a personality substitute or as an excuse for shitty behavior.

runrunrunawayyyyyyyy · 2021-07-04T07:04:26+00:00

“Modern Romance” by Aziz Ansari

Tom Haverford Aziz Ansari?

Metoo Aziz Ansari???

Pls no

mamadgaf · 2021-07-03T21:46:20+00:00

My abusive covert narcissist ex-husband first introduced me to The Five Love Languages many years ago and even after everything I’ve been through with him, it never occurred to me until RIGHT NOW that this was yet another manipulation tactic. And I should know better!

The last guy I briefly dated knew his love languages and I was impressed and put it in the green flag column. And guess what his were - physical touch and quality time! Gahhh my eyes have been seriously opened!!

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2021-07-04T09:17:45+00:00

“Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man” by Steve Harvey

Ugh, I got that book in my early 20s, it passed me off so much after I did some thinking, that I threw it in the recycling bin.

Edit: the irony of Aziz Ansari writing a book about romance...

MaiteMa · 2021-07-04T02:17:13+00:00

Men want woman to keep them in mind, so we'll lost our lifes always thinking about men. It's another way of control !! They are all about control.

Sallou9 · 2021-07-04T07:34:00+00:00

Tpuch as a Love language isnt even about sex. At all.

Its about how you feel communicated with, close to, and connected to someone.

For example, someone who likes their partner (or friend) to touch their arm when they speak, hug them when they need comforted (as opposed to someone who instead needs you to go do something productive for them, or verbally give advice etc). Or someone who communicates and feels connected to their partner by needing to touch them in these ways.

The fact that its interpreted by men to men sex, and that sex is the fundamental way they need to communicate and show love, comfort and connection.mm is unsurprising but no less.annoying.

No-Present-4444 · 2021-07-03T21:34:50+00:00

Absolutely agree! It’s the same thing on YouTube with relationship advice guru’s.

Adventurous_River_64 · 2021-07-03T23:08:52+00:00

I was talking with a guy friend and he started talking about how he’s been dating around but the “sexual chemistry” isn’t there. This is an LVM thing right? I feel like if you’re emotionally present and connected with your partner this so called sexual chemistry is natural. I also feel like how is he having sex with this many casual partners to even know this? I’ve been thinking about it for a while.

sewingmachinesavior · 2021-07-05T17:11:54+00:00

I think the vast majority of men GET THIS BOOK WRONG.

They look at it as: physical touch is my love language, so when we do the sex it means I love you.

THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS BOOK IS ABOUT.

It is SUPPOSED TO BE, if your primary love language is acts of service, that he makes sure to do acts of service for you so that you feel loved.

So, I do think it can be a beneficial source of information regarding a partner BUT only if the man is willing to do it right. And not conflate sex for love.

Lysistrata92 · 2021-07-06T06:28:54+00:00

Keep an eye on those woman authored books though. Anything that posits you should act like a man to be successful is anti-feminist imo. Making career women into versions of men just upholds the patriarchy. If women gain power we should make something totally new that allows women to thrive without having to act arrogant, aggressive, abusive, and toxic to get ahead.

perumbula · 2021-07-05T18:09:16+00:00

I actually liked The Five Love Languages. I found it helpful to understand myself better and to see the love that was being offered in my relationships.

However, that book is used as a weapon in relationships way too often. Women use it just as often as men as a way to manipulate their partners and I hate it. "My Love Language is Gifts, so if you don't buy me stuff all the time you don't love me." and then they ignore the service that's being done for them or the time that's offered because it's not good enough anymore. Love Languages are supposed to help you see the love that's offered. It's not supposed to be about forcing someone to behave a particular way. If they choose to change things, that's great! But manipulation and putting restrictions and rules on how they can show their love is not how loving relationships work.

BooksandEarlGreyTea · 2021-07-06T09:23:04+00:00

I have never read the book, I was told about the Five Love Languages by my therapist. I did the test between session and we talked about the results and explore why I made the choices I made in the test. I enjoyed learning about it that way, as it helped me learn about myself.

Some books around sex and love, written by women, I was recommended to read by my therapist are: Come as You Are Dr. Emily Nagoski, Loving Yourself Loving Another by Julia Cole and Good Girls Guide to Bad Girl Sex by Barbra Keelsing.

The name of the last one did rub me up the wrong way a bit, however once I started reading it I did find there was a lot of ways to level up and some dashes of pickmeisha in there. I could do a book report on these if people are interested in them?

Comments

Metoo Aziz Ansari???