I made a now deleted post on askFDS a while back. I was new to a specific type of hobby group with a very large number of members. I was surprised that there were some cute and seemingly respectful men there. But immediately upon joining, one guy stood out bc he would constantly look at me (not in a pervy way). I can tell he is shy, as he only talks to one of his buddies there but is friendly and committed to our hobby. But after a few days of this, I got tired of it bc he never approached me. I told myself maybe it would be awkward to try and find a way to chat with me, as we were only both there in passing (he leaves shortly before I arrive). My second week there, a guy that belongs to this group and also does work for it, introduced himself to me. He then came up to me and asked me about myself - no awkwardness. Since then, he has taken a handful of opportunities to chat with me anytime we are both there, whether he is in the middle of something or not. I reflected on how effortless his attempts to get to know me have been, to the point that I am not even sure if he is interested in me or just being friendly (there are other new members but he doesn’t seem to go out of his way to talk to them). Then I realized the times I really wanted to talk to someone or ask someone something- I never approach men but I know how to position myself or provide the men the opportunity to speak to me. I rarely do that but if I really really wanted to give someone an opening, I would.

So, if a man really wants to talk to me, he will. Now, when I see the first guy around, he still looks at me when he thinks I don’t notice and just stays quiet and to himself when I’m in his vicinity. I thought to myself how dating a guy like this would be- probably not fun or flattering! The second guy would probably be much more enjoyable, taking the initiative and going after what he wants. No more making excuses for “shy” men.