Post divorce relationship timing

sicrm · 2021-05-16T03:28:26+00:00

look up the #s on divorce rates for 2nd marriages.

it’s not pretty.

plus she’s giving you ultimatums. that’s a sneak preview of what marriage with her would be.

Lemon-law · 2021-05-16T03:17:26+00:00

I’ll keep it short. Always go with your gut. Always.

Throwaway4120213 · 2021-05-16T04:18:03+00:00

She wants you to propose within the next year so <2yrs of dating? And you are only 1.5yrs out of marriage and she is <1yr out? And she wants kids but is willing to “compromise” if you marry her? Dude - does this sound like a smart idea? Call her bluff and tell her to take a hike.

KBilly1313 · 2021-05-16T03:28:27+00:00

I don’t personally think that 10 months is enough time to get to know someone to commit the rest of your life to them.
Ultimatums are an instant red flag.
She doesn’t care if you have processed and healed from your past divorce. Otherwise she wouldn’t be rushing and overstepping your boundaries so she can get what she wants.
Loving someone doesn’t mean that you need to be with them, or that it’s a healthy relationship.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2021-05-16T04:39:17+00:00

Fuck no.

Not so soon, and definitely not with her ultimatum.

Me personally, I will not be getting married again. Too much risk and not enough reward.

walkingdisaster4046 · 2021-05-16T05:05:28+00:00

Trust your instinct and walk away from this. If she truly loved and respected you she would not be pressuring you but rather empathizing and supporting you.

the_anonumos · 2021-05-16T03:59:41+00:00

I will never marry again as quickly as I did last time.

Awakeningof17 · 2021-05-16T06:53:36+00:00

Seriously, DO NOT get married again, you've been there and done that. You think it's going to be any better next time? Tell her under no circumstances are you going to get married again. If she says she's leaving, say ok there's the door.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-05-16T12:29:46+00:00

> I don’t want more kids

> if I marry her then she’ll give up her option of having kids (red flag for me

Only get married because you want to get married. Ask yourself, what are the practical advantages? What would you gain? Would your troubles disappear? Getting married because she wants to is a recipe for disaster. If you make the decision to marry, at least you do so with your eyes wide open having been divorced -- unlike the majority of men. If you are going to have a successful long-term relationship, you have to accept the nature of women, and you have to work within those parameters.

letak2018 · 2021-05-16T17:43:08+00:00

Yeah…. Ultimatum is a red flag.

throwawaySI_ · 2021-05-16T03:22:13+00:00

It should take you as long as it takes you, and no one else can say when that is but you.

It sounds like this is going to be a sticking point between you. Especially with her desire to have more children. As another commenter said, go with your gut.

miles507 · 2021-05-16T03:27:46+00:00

It’s perfectly normal to not want to commit to a second marriage a year out from a divorce...What you should feel or how long you should feel that way is up to you. You’ll feel it until you don’t. She needs to understand that and should, being in the same boat basically.. You’re not comparing HER to your first marriage, you’re comparing a second marriage to your first marriage. You crash a plane, you probably won’t want to fly for a while. Doesn’t matter if your first plane was shit and someone offers you a Gulfstream.. it’s beside the point. I say you should both know, now more than ever, there’s no reason to invite the government into your relationship.

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2021-05-16T13:22:51+00:00

So she gave you an ultimatum with a countdown on it. That is red flag enough.

However, if she has indicated that she wants to get married and have her own kids, you are not the one for her. This isn’t one you can fake until you make.

macscheid · 2021-05-16T17:35:29+00:00

She is manipulating you into marriage. Point towards the door. Marriage is now a tool for the weaker party. It's not like it used to be.

If u do, you need a lawyer to draw up a prenuptial agreement. When she refuses the prenup, you will know she is after control.

Striking-Trainer8148 · 2021-05-16T20:29:29+00:00

You’ve been in a 10 month relationship and she’s been divorced for 10 months.

If you came here to hear that you’re a rebound, I’ll be that guy.

You’re a rebound. Nothing about this is real for either of you. You are using each other as emotional trampolines to stay afloat.

The only reason she wants more is that you’re not enough, and she’s only starting to realize that.

soph_a_loaf_ · 2021-05-17T23:54:11+00:00

Sounds about right. Six to ten months the real colors come out. You're in for a lot of pain if you marry this chick. You can take it to the bank.

I have a submission called my motto for relationships you might want to check out and possibly follow.

L8nk

maybebionic · 2021-05-16T03:23:27+00:00

I am 34m and soon to be divorced. I have a child from a previous woman and a child with my current wife. The first thing I want to say is that I have a pretty good coparenting relationship with my ex-gf. It has not always been good, and at one time got pretty terrible, but the past year has been really good. Even though you said things got toxic and you got divorced, I have realized that you can create a really cool and special coparenting relationship which I have found to really enjoy. Now my current wife, and soon to be ex-wife is super toxic and a narcissist, I highly doubt we ever have even a decent coparenting relationship.

It's only been a 3 months since I filed, and divorce may take forever the way she is making things, but I feel like I may be ready to date soon.

If I were to find myself in your shoes, then I would be very careful about your situation. It sounds like you already explained your boundary with this and that you still feel you need to grow and heal. It doesnt have anything to do with the current gf. I would imagine, coming from a divorce herself, she could understand that. If she can't respect that, then she is effectively telling you that a tangible item (a ring) is more important to her than just being with you. I am not a "red piller" but men lose so much more in a divorce than women do, I can't imagine marrying someone when I am not fully 100% ready for it (I already did that, and it didnt work out). Good luck man.

Cycleguy84 · 2021-05-16T13:07:46+00:00

The kids thing is what I would run from. She wants kids and you don't. That alone is too much of an incompatibility and you would do her a disservice to not let her have that with a more compatible partner.

Beneficial-Path5856 · 2021-05-16T17:33:41+00:00

No, dont get married again. Remember how the first one turned out?

derelictherds · 2021-05-16T18:26:19+00:00

Hell no! I'd tell her to hit the road.

Sweet_Satisfaction_5 · 2021-05-17T12:16:08+00:00

What you're feeling to me is normal like you really only had a couple years to yourself after a 15 yr relationship/marriage and now been dating again for 10 months so I don't see the problem of how you feel, more like how she feels I think allowing things to happen normal give the spirit time to heal and process things that will be much better then being afraid to live through the same experience tell her don't try to push things allow them to happen naturally. Time is irrelevant when things don't last.

crypto_keeper88 · 2021-05-17T12:41:58+00:00

Don't get married if you aren't comfortable with it. You don't want to trap yourself in a situation that you don't want to be in. If that's a deal breaker for her then so be it. Maybe someday you would do it again but for right now you're just not ready. I told my girl friend I'll never get married ever again even though we are having a child together. She was disappointed but 100% understands the situation.

awrongvotesuspension · 2021-05-19T03:59:54+00:00

Had same happen to me regarding that ultimatum to either marry or “I’m moving on”. I wish wish wish i didn’t cave. Next 22 years were ultimatums like I’m going to leave if we don’t have a baby, I’m going to leave if we don’t have a 2nd baby. Finally after all that shit, she cheated and we are divorced. Don’t do it.

Post divorce relationship timing

Comments

1 especially after going through it once.

3 she hasn't even processed her own divorce. This could be her way of trying to show up her ex: "look at me, I have a new husband, nanny nanny boo boo"

Title	Post divorce relationship timing
Author	SteveBlitz42
Upvotes	7
Comments	27
Date	May 16, 2021 3:11 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ndf6cq/post_divorce_relationship_timing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/post-divorce-relationship-timing.816998 https://theredarchive.com/post/816998