Advice

lifeisallihave · 2024-01-16T21:38:36+00:00

Sometimes it's good to know that you have his back. Kindness and appreciation goes a long way. What may seem silly to you could mean the world to him, be mindful of that.

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2024-01-16T09:35:15+00:00

Every single day I spent my 1 hour commute home worrying about what my wife was going to criticize me about when I got home. Did I do something wrong? Did I forget to do something? Did I not "read the room" correctly, and not do something she expected me to do? Did I not "read the room" correctly, and do something she did not want me to do? I would get home, open up the door, and before I could even get my shoes off ... I was being berated and criticized. No "hello". No "Hey, babe". Nothing warm and/or welcoming. Bitch was just pissed. If there was nothing to pissed about, she'd invent shit to be pissed about. Just appreciate the fact that your man is trying. We don't know shit, but we do our absolute best to try.

Most importantly ... a man will not change by nagging him (all we hear is YOU SUCK). A man will change by you showing him appreciation ... the more you appreciate your man, the more he is going to want to do everything he can to make you feel like you are the only one that matters.

PokerFriend247 · 2024-01-16T03:38:51+00:00

Yes you can buy your own flowers and talk to yourself for hours, write your name in the sand.. blah blah blah So Do it - just don’t Moan about it,

‘ Gotta let a woman be a woman And let a man be a man ‘

Wish list and secrets :

Accountability for self

Can accept CONstructive Critism and can does something about it.

Entitlement and selfish - Being realistic with economic stage in your country - no fantasy / dream houses/ dream holidays / princess / queen treatment is BS. You are nether royality

Be Interested and interesting- the blank stare like a caged lion looking out at the world outside and joy others experience.

Financial support - overspending and budgeting is communicative and

Intimacy - each other needs met. And initiative taken to start.

We have no mind reading skills.

No passive aggressive tactics.

Manipulation or emotional blackmail.

Be present and not scrolling through phones, hours on end to friends and family.

If you are creating your own family unit - Far too many ppl are daddy’s little boy/girl or never left the nest types.

Healthcare - if you plan to look your best or take care of your Man. You need activities of fitness and some hobbies together.

A guy needs ME time too and friends.

If you learn nothing else from the above realise - STOP bloody trying to Change / mould Us into something we have and never will be.

The double standard of wanting a provider , supporter and a doormat all in one.

Good Honest Communication is the hallmark of a good living relationship- without it your create your own Loneliness and

hunt for the perfect man. - High expectations and comparisons with other males is just another example of toxicity.

You can’t have all your cake and eat it. The ability to actually comprise is paramount. Submission is actually not we are after. Respect, integrity and acknowledging what we bring to your world.

We have choices like no other time period in history take out/ meals on wheels / sex workers. Honestly in 2024 we can outsource most of a daily needs.

So you got to ask - why do I need YOU in my life. And the answers lies in the above.

Hope it helps and good luck

Actually Respect you for even asking what men really want.

potatotornado44 · 2024-01-16T01:18:27+00:00

Nothing could be said because I couldn’t say anything that was right in her mind.

All of a sudden she got really weird, started putting inspirational quotes up all over her home office and turned into a completely different person.

I offered to go to therapy I offered to talk. I tried to change myself, and nothing was good enough.

In the end, I just had to let her go and focus on myself.

I’m doing much better now, I have a new girlfriend, a surplus of cash, and an overall happy drama-free life.

This makes her furious.

I was supposed to be broke, depressed, living in a crappy apartment only seeing my kids four days out of 30 every month.

I didn’t do that, I did something else.

Instead, she’s the one living paycheck to paycheck just scraping by. She’s the one who has the kids 90% of the time and has no social life. She’s the one who had to cancel all her gym memberships and other social events and is at home, lonely and depressed.

All I would say to her now is that this is something she initiated, something she prosecuted.

Welcome to the world of unintended consequences.

EndOfRopeDude · 2024-01-16T00:59:56+00:00

Pretending to be submissive can be a fun game, just like pretending to be dominant. But that's a game. Who the heck wants submissive partner in real life? That would be boring.

Here are some random things that contributed to divorces the people I know:
- lied about alcoholism, drugs, or mental illness
- lied about getting treatment for above
- lied about wanting kids
- lied about having shared interests
- lied about wanting stable family man with good career. Traded him for exciting unstable unemployed bad boy.
- lied about working after marriage, and then blamed husband for family financial trouble
- lied about being willing to indulge partner's kinks, hobbies, sports, clubs, etc
- lied about bigotry, political alignment, religious tolerance
- involvement in conspiracy theories, occult, or pseudoscience.
- poor communication. Specifically, the silent treatment and "You KNOW why I'm mad at you!!"
- poor conflict resolution skills, specifically fights longer than 20 minutes
- domestic violence and/or emotional abuse
- demanding husband isolate himself. You get to remove 1 or 2 toxic buddies or relatives. More than that and maybe YOU are the toxic one.
- dead bedroom with no instructions on what hubby needs to fix, or the fixes are never good enough
- turned into Jabba the Hutt 24 hours after honeymoon

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-01-16T00:53:20+00:00

Honestly, I would have put up with 99% of the bullshit if she was just nice to me and pretended to give a shit

probebeta · 2024-01-16T00:42:03+00:00

Be agreeable and nice, respect him, look good, and be available for sex. Men don't have a laundry list of requirements, just these. If you do these well you're golden.

EndOfRopeDude · 2024-01-16T00:18:02+00:00

Don't do any of these things:
r/AzzizzisAdventures/

muchoalohakai · 2024-01-15T23:39:40+00:00

I can attest that almost everything mentioned thus far is good advice.

Also, key thing, if it becomes something you just don’t want, don’t drag it out or try to force change, a lot of change has happened and he’ll either change cause he sees it’s a blind spot or he’ll have minor PTSD.

You rock for coming here and asking

nyghtrider · 2024-01-15T23:38:26+00:00

It’s not always about you and your problems. When he mentions something he’s working through shoot for empathy and understanding vs turning that into an issue for you. He’s working through stuff and just sharing

Sacramentardo · 2024-01-15T23:34:11+00:00

I don’t want a submissive wife. I want a partner who does what she says she’s going to do, communicates her needs, wants, boundaries, feelings. And yeah, as others have said, it’s a rare marriage that ends in divorce when there’s an active sex life. Generally speaking that is where men derive a sense of closeness and trust in a relationship. Plus, a lack of sex is generally an indicator of other issues in the relationship.

acg34 · 2024-01-15T23:29:52+00:00

Respect, appreciation, empathy, kindness

Mr_vmn005 · 2024-01-15T23:20:40+00:00

Be honest, don’t ignore the little stuff , all the little things eventually pile up and make one big thing, have boundaries, let your significant other other know what your expectations are so later down the road there isn’t any confusion about what’s expected and not expected

warrior_up · 2024-01-15T23:09:42+00:00

Would you like a bj before or after your coffee

rhett342 · 2024-01-15T22:57:31+00:00

The biggest problem that ended my marriage was my wife being a lying cheater. Don't be like her.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-01-15T22:56:39+00:00

I would say set boundaries, don’t let your wife run the house, happy wife happy life is a lie you need to put your foot down if you’re not happy with something rather than rolling with the punches

T_Where_T_Person · 2024-01-15T22:40:34+00:00

1 Communication, loud and clear

2 Sex, if something is affecting your ability to enjoy intimacy, don't bury it deep down, it goes back to #1 COMMUNICATE

3 State your intentions from the get go. Show you are a grown adult, and draw your own boundaries, make them clear, and respect his

4 If you don't like what you see, hear, or feel. Just leave, in all honesty, if you are not happy, then leave

5 Appreciate the work your partner does, if he is a provider, then celebrate this, a warm meal, a warm home, a warm greeting. Wait until he is rested a bit before bringing any issues, no need to scream

Edit. Markdown made everything a header

domo_roboto · 2024-01-15T22:38:16+00:00

Empathy - can see each other’s perspectives and feelings. Communication - communicative on feedbacks that goes both ways. Commitment & team work - acknowledging that life is no cakewalk but it takes commitment, willingness to work it out, and action as a team. Trust - don’t cheat. Love and nurture- this is probably specific to me, I have such a deficit from bad childhood.

Classic_Dill · 2024-01-15T22:30:21+00:00

Hey! and welcome, always nice to have a female perspective in here. Save our marriages? hmmm, honesty, raw conversations, vulnerability in the bedroom, see me as a man, not an enemy because of my penis, dont cheat, respect and empathy to name a few, my ex had none of these.

You will need to earn trust, as we all should, most divorcees have a large degree of trust issues, as we all should, be consistent, be honorable, be HIS women! and he will be your MAN!

And.......SEX!!! lots of sex, people dont understand the bonding properties of good, vulnerable, let loose sex, its a pillar of a healthy relationship.

I dont want a weak women, i want her confident, flirty (with me) lil bratty (for funsies) respectful and for her to have true desire for me, and i will return all of that energy back to her.

grandpaharoldbarnes · 2024-01-15T22:18:56+00:00

I don’t want a submissive wife. In fact, quite the opposite.

It’s more a question of what I don’t want. I don’t want a crazy bitch.

Example? Oh, not setting the house on fire helps.

IllustriousCry672 · 2024-01-15T22:10:58+00:00

I don't know about 'submission' but really, it's more on what you can do to keep you happy. Wives are the main ones filing for divorce, and most of us here had our wives cheat on us then they left. And it doesn't seem to have a ton of impact what husbands do on wives cheating and leaving.

Men are generally easy, I wouldn't say 'submission' but 1) don't 'nag' (criticize unnecessarily, and most criticism for a couple is unnecessary), 2) Appreciate what he does for you, and try not to act like you're entitled for what he does for you. Most men will try and give you everything they can. It really hurts when we get acted like not only is that owed, it's not enough. and 3) have sex with him. A relationship requires sex, just kinda how it goes.

Waste_Juggernaut784 · 2024-01-15T22:05:47+00:00

Go read material by the gottman institute. Apart from that, stay committed to the relationship!

Title	Advice
Author	Rare-Ad-3542
Upvotes	1
Comments	36
Date	January 15, 2024 10:01 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/197lds8/advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/advice.1243061 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243061

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Wish list and secrets :