Alchoholic Wife

Due_Distance7719 · 2026-03-01T03:21:19+00:00

I recommend everyone do mushrooms. Do a couple of magic mushrooms National Park walks with your spouse as a last resort. Let their interior talk to them.. and then give them space

DodiWoof · 2025-12-05T20:06:49+00:00

I'm not sure how it's going but mine is ending as off yesterday with her decision to not get help after 10 years of marriage. I hope yours won't end up same way.

Gonidae · 2025-05-04T11:20:00+00:00

If there were no kids i. This it would have been simple just up and go.

I am stuck in the same shithole.

Low_Distribution5188 · 2024-09-06T21:02:07+00:00

My wife is a alcoholic.. functioning one..I am too..I'm 120+ days sober..yes it's horrible she was honest about it..it runs in both our families..we are headed for a divorce soon..we weren't ready for marriage..verbal.. physical abuse on her end..lots of trauma..no accountability..she needs constant attention and validation from men..she always had one foot in the marriage and one foot in the single life .and years of a sexless marriage brutal man..

Classic_Dill · 2024-09-06T19:59:05+00:00

There’s really only a couple things that you can do, the question is will she go to get help? If she won’t go to get help and she won’t admit that she has a problem? Then you need to make the decision, if you can live with her like that, I personally could not, I don’t like drama, and I don’t like a lack of stability in my life, and alcoholics or addiction cause chaos. However! If she is willing to go to a 12 step program or AA, then you could hang with her and see how she does , addiction is very tough, but you don’t necessarily have to be around for that chaos either.

Tech_saviy · 2024-09-06T11:25:22+00:00

I actually have the exact same problem. When you try to ask her to seek help she tries to rationalise what she’s doing comparing with others. The difference between her and others is she’s secretly drinking vodka straight and hiding it in draws, cupboards, etc..

It’s hard when you love someone because you keep wanting or hoping for change. She might be good for a few weeks then back to it again. The drinking leads to other things then like cheating. That’s how mines ended up and I’ve told her it’s over. Can’t keep going on like this. It just gets toxic and you end up hating the person.

The only good thing for me is that we never had kids so hopefully it should make the process easier. The trust has completely gone though.

Ancient-Homework7557 · 2024-09-05T22:41:35+00:00

I'm currently divorcing an alcoholic. I did everything I could to help. inpatient, outpatient, rehab. Moved away with my kids multiple times for months at a time. Nothing got through to her. On top of the alcoholism she has what I and others suspect as undiagnosed BPD. The roller coaster that I and my children have been through had to stop. So I stopped it. Now we're caught in the gears of the divorce machine which is another carnival ride from hell. I could regal you with horror stories of drunken stupidity but I won't. They don't change. They won't change. She started twice a day mandatory alcohol testing last month and failed within under two weeks. They're liars. Thats the worst part. They lie through their teeth to get what they want and don't give a shit about you, your kids or anybody else. If it stands in the way of the bottle its forfeit. Divorcing her will make it worse at first. She'll go off the deep end. Let her, and don't let her take you or your children with her. You can't save someone who doesn't want to save themselves. Save yourself. Save your kids. I know this sounds cynical. And yes, people do change and everyone's situation is different. I stayed too long. My children and I suffered for it. If it's really bad and has been bad for years (even with those few months of "happiness" sprinkled in throughout the year) it will likely not change and not end well. Best of luck. And I mean that sincerely.

twayevrynmeistkn · 2024-09-05T12:18:48+00:00

Yup. Be prepared for complete denial at a minimum. To her shes a normal drinker, her habits have never negatively influenced others, your being “controlling”, your jealous she has built a social life, etc. At worst she will get extremely angry and lash out from your observations.
I think you lay out your opinions and feelings. Do it in a non-confrontational way. A good out come is she shows some level of respecting your opinion.

anon4hlp · 2024-09-05T19:11:05+00:00

Do you have kids? If yes, make sure to document everything: missed appointments, when she shows up drunk, signs that she's losing control, etc.

My ex-wife is an alcoholic. Somehow she kept it hidden for years, even though I had the feeling that something was off, but 2 years after our separation sure finally lost control and spectacularly so. Hospital, job loss, everything. I contacted CPS and gave them a detailed documentation of all the signs she was losing control. They confirmed my suspicion and ruled that the kids should stay with me 100% until she dealt with her addiction. They can still see her under very restricted conditions (no overnight stay, fixed days, initially just with company) it's been 1,5 years now and I don't know if she'll ever be able to support herself let alone the kids

Cowboy8040 · 2024-09-05T17:08:35+00:00

Dealing with the same stuff currently but she has filed for divorce. In the beginning I was nice about it and forgave her for her drunk antics. After a while though nothing changed (got worse) and I began to voice my concerns in an unproductive way I’ll admit. I couldn’t get through to her and I did threaten divorce once. She has major mental health issues that the alcohol only heightened it but she didn’t care. Unless they want to change they never will. It’s a hard reality to face.

jimsmythee · 2024-09-05T14:56:48+00:00

My exwife wasn't an alcoholic. She only drank 1 or 2 times a year. But when she drank? She would drink to get throw-up-all-over-yourself drunk. Impossible to deal with.

She was also a pill popper and the disasters that would follow when she'd get behind the wheel and crash. At least with alcoholics, you kind of know what to expect when they drink. With pill poppers?

Would she be up at 3am getting "juice cups for the kids" and not knowing they had been asleep for the previous 5 hours and wouldn't be up for another 4 hours?

Would she pass out on the middle of the floor on top of her laptop and then leave a burn mark on her forehead?

Addiction is a powerful beast to overcome. And I'm glad I Got Out. I got out and divorced her before she cost me everything. Her great big DUI crashes wile high on pills and then getting sued by the people she hit. I got out of that marriage before she ended up costing me everything - My house, my job, my car, my retirement. Everything.

Poppopnamename · 2024-09-05T14:54:35+00:00

I was the alcoholic. I don’t count the days anymore but it’s over two years sober.

You need to think about self preservation. Draw your line and make it explicitly clear. She needs to choose to be sober for herself. She can’t be sober for you otherwise she will blame you. Sobriety is all about taking accountability for one’s actions. You need to be able to enforce the line you draw and be willing to not only end things but watch her self sabotage in the process.

It’s not your job to save her. She needs to want to save herself.

Capital_Release_6289 · 2024-09-05T14:50:11+00:00

Protect yourself. Document everything. Record conversations when you ask her to stop record her behaviour when she doesn’t. She should not claim she was innocent when you divorce.

ashtag916 · 2024-09-05T13:49:18+00:00

My bf ex wife is an alcoholic. My mother is one. Paid for 2 rehabs for my mom.. cost over 100k. They both could rot in hell the amount of money both gave to lawyers

Positive_Rub_6696 · 2024-09-05T13:40:45+00:00

Al-anon.org

Not my ex-wife, but later lived with an alcoholic. As an alcoholic myself the solution seemed simple but as simple as it was, it proved impossible. I struggled incredibly, and even with my own AA program and sponsor, I was not equipped to deal with a loved one who was the problem drinker. Al-Anon helped me understand and manage myself.

All the Steps in both programs are exactly the same, and Step 1 is admitting you are powerless over alcohol and that your life had become unmanageable.

You can only control you and YOUR boundaries. You cannot control her behavior.

drase · 2024-09-05T13:25:34+00:00

After 15 years, I’ve had enough. They don’t change unless they want to bro. No matter how much you want them to. Sick of her being the most drunk and loud at every occasion. Taking shots when everyone else is has just 1 beer.

My advice, sit down when she’s sober and tell her how you feel. How it makes her and you look. If she respects and loves you, she will listen and take action. If not, she values alcohol more than you, time to leave and find a healthy relationship.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2024-09-05T13:25:04+00:00

My wife's been downing a bottle of wine+ a night now for years.

I've confronted her twice about it and was threatened with divorce twice.

In March she started taking adderall, uses THC daily and another anti-depressant and didn't back off her ETOH intake.

Surprise! Her behavior got even worse, her decisions more bat-shit.

Surprise! I filed two weeks ago.

black65Cutlass · 2024-09-05T13:09:29+00:00

I divorced my now ex-wife. She had a real problem with alcohol, and was also mentally ill, a really bad combination.

AngryBeaver7 · 2024-09-05T12:41:36+00:00

Get her into a 28 day inpatient or leave

upvotersfortruth · 2024-09-05T12:22:09+00:00

Oftentimes they choose the alcohol.

Rollercoaster72 · 2024-09-05T12:17:03+00:00

Did you tell her you will divorce her if she doesn't stop?

As a dry alcoholic now, I wished this was said at least once. I drank too much from Covid till the day she said she is done. The only response from her was "I don't like see it when you drink", but never contained any consequences. So I drank somewhere she didn't see me. And I never took that very seriously bc I didn't like her too in other situations.

It might be a weak excuse for me to say that but it wasn't said that if I continue she would stop loving me. There were a zillion other problems beside the drinking with us, which appeares very quickly the moment I stopped drinking.

Those other problems would take a long way to heal together but she wasn't prepaired to do so anymore, I would have.

The kids saw me change and they love it, for her it was too late and she ran off...

Eventhough she is your problem now, I would advice to you to go to therapy too. Or at least go to Al-anon a few times...

(I btw only drunk in the evenings and my job wasn't affected, I maintained provider and did all duties I had to do)

OCojt · 2024-09-05T11:43:17+00:00

Enjoy the re-writing of history during the divorce. Get out while you can. Kids involved?

Sure-Crew-2418 · 2024-09-05T11:19:17+00:00

I'm still trying to navigate this one, so if you figure it out holler at your boy

EmotionSix · 2024-09-05T10:28:04+00:00

Al-anon. Have you tried it? A popular support group for family of alcoholics.

Flashy_Yam967 · 2024-09-05T10:19:18+00:00

Yep, went through that with my ex. She got herself two DUIs during our marriage, going to school functions intox and so on. She is now sober almost two years. She seems in aot better place than when she was drunk and in our marriage.

Nighthawk2824 · 2024-09-05T09:45:24+00:00

YUP and she claims that’s why she is the way she is. The cheating, lying and left me for a cheater and just overall a shit fucking person. Well that’s the excuse one day and then it will change the next time I ask.

pieperson5571 · 2024-09-05T09:27:28+00:00

She can quit, but she's already cooked. Heal away from her. Till death do us part did not mean excuse.

Updateme.

Exactly65536 · 2024-09-05T09:03:03+00:00

Whether it's a wife or a husband, you do the same. Suffer, then suffer more, then divorce. Or keep suffering.

There isn't much else you can do with an alcoholic.

Technically, some alcoholics manage to quit, but it's not in the power of their close ones to make them.

ashtag916 · 2024-09-05T13:49:12+00:00

My bf ex wife is an alcoholic. My mother is one. Paid for 2 rehabs for my mom.. cost over 100k. They both could rot in hell the amount of money both gave to lawyers

Title	Alchoholic Wife
Author	Accurate-Ad-6189
Upvotes	18
Comments	67
Date	September 5, 2024 8:55 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1f9hsc1/alchoholic_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/alchoholic-wife.1529472 https://theredarchive.com/post/1529472

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