Divorce is finalized today, which she instigated seven months ago, but why do I feel like shit?

jabbo142 · 2025-03-07T13:28:30+00:00

It's the end of those particular dreams. Especially if you have kids. That one vision we all get, growing old and watching the grandkids, was real hard to deal with for me. You'll be amazed at how quickly you feel beter.

Special_Profit4509 · 2025-03-07T13:08:25+00:00

You finished something, it's often something extremely stressful. Your probably feeling emotions you did not allow your self to feel wile getting stuff done. It's normal, cry for a day get it out and get back to getting at what ever makes you and your kids happy.

charmer143 · 2025-03-07T12:31:45+00:00

Hey now. That’s okay.

The way grief works isn’t linear, especially in your case because your history must bear special weight given you have children.

As much as I want to tell you to go out there and have some fun, I’d much prefer you to take your time and be easy on yourself. Love will find its way eventually.

dudefromyork · 2025-03-07T11:18:17+00:00

Mate I thought I’d be doing cartwheels up and down my driveway when the divorce came through finally. What I actually did was sit and look at the wall for an hour.

It’s a shock. It makes it all real. It hurts that you feel that you failed.

It will also get better. The slate is wiped clean. What you do next is up to you.

Mymindisgone217 · 2025-03-07T10:51:04+00:00

It was my ex who wanted it, moved out, and never said why she wanted it. 2 months later she is with another guy, yet hadn't even filed for the divorce yet. I ended up having to file for the divorce that she had wanted, and I was now guessing that she had started talking to this guy before leaving me.

I feel that after finding this out, I should have been very happy once the divorce was finalized, but I fell into a deep depression that I dealt with for about 5 years.

I should have been happy because it had seemed that my ex had been cheating on me, and maybe she had done so during the rest of our marriage, but I wasn't aware of it.

Who knows what you may not be fully aware of around your ex. I went into my divorce with the hope that she really just needed to step away for a while due to a medical situation I had been through and all the responsibilities being on her for most of the 6 months before.

Gattsama · 2025-03-07T06:36:59+00:00

Divorce sucks. I'm in the smaller percentage of men that filed and still felt horrible going through it, with no kids. She was my first love, I was a virgin when we meant. I worked my ass off for the relationship and was 100% in. Truth is, I overly committed without properly vetting. We were not healthy together and unworkable. But it took me 17 years to wake up to that fact.

So much our our personality and being is tied up in the marriage. Even if not healthy, we mourn it. However l, if your mirage was a drama filled shit show, with time, you will quickly develop new healthy habits and live a much better life.

I have never been more peaceful and stress free. Despite paying a huge amount in spousal support, I still have more discretionary income now than when married.

I have a new girlfriend who is hoter, genuinely interested & attracted to me, more time with family, and no will telling me daily how I am fucking stuff up or shitting on my dreams, while demanding I do more for them...

You are going to be ok. Grieve as much as needed, but long term you twill thrive.

gorillavstiger · 2025-03-07T05:46:36+00:00

While I was absolutely thrilled when my divorce got finalized I was still processing lots of emotions. You're in the same position.

Been separated 4 years, divorced 3. So happy I filed and the pain has all but receded into my memories.

whoisgodiam · 2025-03-07T02:17:05+00:00

Dude, get a fresh 20 year old and have some fun. Never marry again.

Lonely_Panda4322 · 2025-03-07T02:14:26+00:00

Congratulations man! I’m extremely happy for you…going through mine and I wish it was finalized today too…pick yourself up, build back up and you’d be fine brother! Stay strong and keep pushing!

Sea-Satisfaction4656 · 2025-03-07T01:42:34+00:00

It’s grieving man. You feel the final nail being pounded into that coffin, and as much relief as you feel that the process is finalized it still sucks. It will get better with time.

HyperionAlpha · 2025-03-07T01:35:06+00:00

Why do I feel like shit?

Because, I'm going to take a wild guess and say that she ran the show.

Pick yourself up and embrace your new freedom. You've earned something very valuable. Accept it as the gift that it is.

regertsrus · 2025-03-07T01:25:06+00:00

What can make you happy right now?

Hog-Switchkey · 2025-03-07T01:19:18+00:00

Studies say that it takes a man two years to get over divorce. Funny thing is my doctor told me this too. I'm one year divorced and it has been a struggle but I am in a much better place mentally now. Time heals in some ways. By the way, I am 69 and was married for 42 years. I wish you well brother!!

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2025-03-07T01:14:28+00:00

Good! I’d you didn’t, then you would have to have some sort of personality disorder.

It will take time. I still have my days almost two years later.

What I don’t have to worry about is coming home and wondering what thing I’m going to do or say that’s going to piss her off.

What I don’t have to worry about is asking permission to go to the store, do laundry, go for a walk, etc.

Every day feels like a weekend now because all of those eggshells are gone.

Longjumping-Cup-4018 · 2025-03-07T01:03:58+00:00

I believe it is normal. You lost something valuable and your effort was almost reduced to nothing.

GurSpecialist9176 · 2025-03-07T00:23:12+00:00

I’m in literally the exact situation. Finalized last week. It bummed me out, but with all the work I’ve done on myself in the last 6 months, I was ready for it.

I don’t know your history but therapy has helped. Realizing I had a ton of needs that weren’t getting met but just dealt with it helped. I also wouldn’t have left. But that would have led me to never really being happy or fulfilled.

The benefit of divorce is now we know what we want and what we don’t want in the next long term partner and we don’t have to settle. It’s also an opportunity for growth, for doing things they never would’ve let us do, for taking some risks, having fun on our own terms. I’m really trying to focus on the positives and the future, and lot let the past get me down.

Good luck buddy, you aren’t alone.

LoveCrispApples · 2025-03-07T00:06:12+00:00

And you will for a while, my friend. I will never forget that day in June when my world imploded and that day in October when the judge's gavel hit the mahogany.

Breathe deep. This is the first day of the rest of your life. You didn't want this, I didn't either. It's a sad, sad day. That's why when I see posts from women saying YAY, ITS OVER, FINALIZED WOOHOO, I either ignore or downvote and hold back vomit.

You loved deeply. You never would have left. You probably changed who you were and gave up things you loved to make her happy. Those days are over now. Lean into your true friends and family- the ones who care most about you and would never leave. You have children--hug them and tell them how much they mean to you.

Be proud of who you are and how tough you were getting through what was probably an excruciating separation.

When you are ready, someone who recognizes your worth will happen into your life organically. Watched pots don't boil. Heal yourself first, and that'll take time. Be comfortable with who you are. That might take time, too. Be patient. Welcome to the club.

Oh- don't take her back. Ever.

CharacterProper8732 · 2025-03-06T23:55:51+00:00

Divorce is hard. It reaches deep inside the most intimate parts of ourselves and how we attach to people and ourselves. There's now a stranger in the world who knows your deepest details and secrets.

It fucking sucks and it's ok to feel bad.

Title	Divorce is finalized today, which she instigated seven months ago, but why do I feel like shit?
Author	Regular_Finish7409
Upvotes	27
Comments	38
Date	March 6, 2025 11:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1j59twk/divorce_is_finalized_today_which_she_instigated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-is-finalized-today-which-she-instigated.1545838 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545838

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