How would u respond

Seemedlikefun · 2023-12-24T00:24:09+00:00

You are still waiting on her to do everything. It's hard to help someone, that doesn't want to help themselves.

SuperConfused40 · 2023-12-22T05:08:27+00:00

Don't respond to anything emotionally related. Those are husband benefits that she no longer gets. Let her feel however she wants, don't let it drain you. Stay silent or acknowledge with an, ok.

Take as much time with the kids as she will give you. Be a great dad and enjoy. Be honest to the kids (age appropriate responses, obviously)

Solid-Phase-1655 · 2023-12-22T04:46:18+00:00

Mine promised 50/50. Then filed for full custody. I fought and got 60/40. Don't believe a single word she says till its over. Then she later told me I never fought for my daughter.

probebeta · 2023-12-22T04:07:30+00:00

I don't know what your relationship is like with her but I heard some pretty twisted stories. Is it possible that she's threatening to trap you to having custody so that you give into her demands? If she's making less money then financial damage on her would be pretty small. If she senses that this could put a lot of stress on you she could use that as leverage.

I am sometimes paranoid, but if you both have attorneys then she's probably looking after her own best interest. If it wasn't self interest maybe she wouldnt just leave right?

Just like other commenters, I'd say win the case and she'll still get to be a parent if she wants to later.

Timely_Froyo1384 · 2023-12-22T02:58:11+00:00

I’m a mom of 4 children what your daughter needs is a loving mom, that wants to be there.

None of that text seems like she cares.

If your children were mine I would be all like your loss to her. But I wouldn’t send it.

More then likely my response would be that sounds fair or the famous don’t give a x OKAY

whereami113 · 2023-12-22T00:41:39+00:00

My 2 sons are both adults now , and I have always said to them

"Your relationship with your mother is just that, your relationship , whatever you choose to do , is up to you" and that is all I ever say and have said since we separated 8 years ago.

My boys see her for what she is , an alcoholic loser , who would rather party . drink , smoke and be a general piece of shit .And they found that out themselves without me saying anything about her.

They are mostly both no contact with her anymore, unless she organises to meet them somewhere.

Trust me when I say your daughter will find out as she gets older.

Forward-Transition-5 · 2023-12-21T21:43:14+00:00

At the end of the day you can’t make someone else want to be a better parent. If she wants this minimal arrangement I say let her have it. Keep in mind that when your child gets older this will likely be used against you by the mother saying that you somehow pressured for this. If it ever comes up make sure to talk to your kid about it and explain the situation keeping in mind their age and maturity level obviously. Also try not to talk bad about your ex to your kid because that can end up leading your kid to blaming you. It will always be your kids mother so your kid will see it through that lens. Stay neutral and focus on being the best parent you can and any half decent kid will grow up and realize the truth. You didn’t choose this, she did and it’s no longer your responsibility to look out for her best interests only your child’s.

phuckyew18 · 2023-12-21T21:28:50+00:00

I assume the attorneys are working out the details but at those numbers you’ll need child support ( I’d stay silent with the other side until it’s brought up). She may not think she’d have to pay and might change her mind about custody. It sounds like she’d be terrible for your daughter. Having to pay child support ain’t gonna make her suddenly decide be a good mom.

Either way, I’m really sorry for you and your daughter. It just sucks that people who don’t want to be parents, have kids.

WartimeDad · 2023-12-21T21:08:15+00:00

I wouldn’t give a shit what she says or filed and I would fight for what I want.

Much depends on circumstance.

soontobesolo · 2023-12-21T20:24:31+00:00

Why the fuck are you giving her and what she wants any credence? She's clearly being unreasonable. Who cares what she wants?

Why don't you offer HER two weeks in summer, one week every other xmas, and a week for spring break, and she how she feels?

She has NO more right to being a parent than you do.

Get a fucking lawyer and fight like hell. 50/50 across the board.

Its_a_stateofmind · 2023-12-21T20:14:18+00:00

Anything less than 50/50 is the hill for me to die on…but in Canada that is the starting place.

ramad84 · 2023-12-21T20:11:40+00:00

take all the on-paper custody you can get.

after youve got it in a court order - then you can choose to share the time as you want, but if you dont grab all the on-paper custody days while you can then its almost impossible to get it later.

cschoonmaker · 2023-12-21T20:07:02+00:00

If I'm reading this correctly, your STBXW is going to have minimal time not you. Is that correct?
If so, take it and leave it at that. You cannot force someone to be involved in their kids life, but you can be involved more and show them what a true parent looks like. Don't be surprised when those kids become adults that they won't want anything to do with her then either.

SkeptiCynical · 2023-12-21T19:46:18+00:00

Do you have a lawyer?

This is extremely sparse parenting time. Standard is every other weekend Friday night to Sunday night (or you drop her off at school Monday), 1 or 2 weeknights for 3 hours for dinner, and alternating holidays. Alternate every holiday and school vacation. Two weeks in summer for vacation, one week in winter. Get right of first refusal for babysitting so that 1) she doesn't keep trying to edge you out of your daughter's life, and 2) so she doesn't double-tap you by trying to send you bills for daycare while she's alienating you.

Your ex has to share transportation. She drops the kid off to you, and you drop the kid off after a weekend, dinner or vacation.

I decided on not alternating holidays, it's easier to schedule. Monday holidays aren't important; if I have the kids on a weekend preceding a school holiday, I drop them off that Monday night.

You have to be more involved in the process starting now. What she's writing and what you write back are not binding and they don't amount to an agreement - so don't worry about her saying "well he agreed to it in text". It doesn't hold up in court.

And if you have a lawyer, talk to that lawyer now about seeing your kid more.

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-12-21T19:45:11+00:00

Go after every minute you can get custody-wise with your kid. If she gives you 99% go after it. It’s easier to grant more than ask for more.

GravityIsForRookies · 2023-12-21T19:11:46+00:00

Speaking from the point of view of a guy that often bites the hook…

There is a hook being dangled in front of you. Don’t bite it. There is nothing to be gained here. I’m currently coming to terms with the fact that I can’t make my ex do anything… not even for the kids. None of us can. Let her do her and she will have to face the consequences. Just be there for your daughter.

Title	How would u respond
Author	ReallyNowSeeYou
Upvotes	18
Comments	43
Date	December 21, 2023 6:48 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18nu4p2/how_would_u_respond/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-would-u-respond.1241314 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241314

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