I begged and I regret doing it!

masterof-xe · 2025-02-11T02:35:07+00:00

I begged her and was still divorced. Worst mistake ever. Never show women any form of weakness because they will never let you forget it and will use it against you. Like years down the road they might see you in a new light as a new successful man and still remember you at your weakest point in life. Then the kick to the balls comes out of nowhere.

Spared-No-Expense · 2025-02-10T22:03:18+00:00

I’m gonna go against the grain here and say begging is actually better, especially if you have children. Let’s examine the four outcomes:

No begging > reconciliation: Great, you got her back by showing a backbone. Maybe that’s what she needed the whole time. But a woman that responds to this is still a ticking time bomb. What happens when you get sick or lose your job and/or finds a more masculine man?

No begging > divorce: You’re divorced. She gets to tell people you never cared and didn’t even bother fighting for it, and gets to tell the kids dad acted at the end the way he acted the whole time, even with the final ultimatum. Yes, you kept face with her, but who cares what she thinks anyway? Beg or no beg, the future and your self esteem is in your hands alone.

Begging > reconciliation: Hey, it worked! Great! And she took you back from a place of empathy, emotion, and wanting to work it out for the kids, rather than masculinity respect, which is a recipe for disaster if you ever have a weak moment or year in the future. Also a good sign she’s not gone full-demon or never will. And she is persuaded by emotion, which gives you license to be a little more emotional with her without fear.

Begging > divorce: You tried your best. You can tell your children you tried. It was all her decision. Yes, lost face with her, but who cares? Her opinion doesn’t matter anymore. Now man up and live well for you, get a better woman. If she regrets later that’s a bonus.

Striking-Cod1089 · 2025-02-10T17:17:25+00:00

There is a real-world. And there is a divorce-world.

Divorce-world has some super crazy shit in it.

Kingoftreno · 2025-02-10T16:32:42+00:00

When my wife approached me and asked for a divorce I asked for couples therapy after three sessions of the therapist not telling me that I was the biggest piece of shit in the world and that might Behavior was reasonable she quit couples therapy saying there was nothing more to say and that we had to get divorced.

I agree I said if that's the way you feel I don't want to keep you. She said let's do this without attorneys to save money. Then she swung at me with her attorney and proceeded to drag the divorce out for 18 months in court while I spent every single cent I had and didn't have, I'm trying to just get half of the house.

She also filed for an obtained a restraining order after I copied her on an email to her attorney where I said " please work with me and settle so we can move on with our lives" she argued at court that that was harassing to her and the court agreed with her. The very same day the court gave that restraining order her attorney file for a restraining order and the court gave him that.

After roughly 16 months and just two weeks before trial I was finally able to get mediation, where I had to appear without an attorney because her attorney threatened my attorney several weeks prior in an email and they quit. At the end of mediation we had a binding agreement that split everything pretty much exactly what I have been asking for since the beginning which made the entire expenditure on legal fees completely pointless, because of the way her attorney drafted his restraining order against me he was not allowed to attend this mediation and had to send another attorney from his Law Firm instead.

Needless to say right after mediation he attempted to modify the terms of The Binding agreement that we just made, I obviously refused and they dragged it to trial. Trial lasted a total of 45 minutes, I went before the judge by myself and said you're on her we just agreed on this two weeks ago I'm just asking that we honored this agreement that we made. Her attorney made up a whole bunch of stuff and the judge did not find it compelling and said no you have to honor the terms of the agreement that you made two weeks ago and ruled in my favor.

This was 3 months ago, last week at 10:30 at night her attorney files a motion on me to hold me in contempt with again more made up information, he filed this motion 14 days prior to the alleged hearing date and state statute says they have to give you 21 days minimum or no hearing can be heard.

It never ends, it doesn't matter if they asked if you agreed if you begged or if you didn't beg they're set in their ways they believe what they want to believe and they're willing to do whatever they can to make your life miserable. The big thing to think about is if they were willing to be amicable you probably wouldn't get divorced in the first place!

heartbroke8 · 2025-02-10T15:58:15+00:00

I begged too. But I don’t regret it. At least you tried everything, now you can move on in life without wondering “what if” and regretting that you tried harder. Now the full blame will lie with her and she will be the one to regret in the future if her life goes to shit. Also your kids will know you tried your best and will place more blame on their mom.

Aggravating-Ad-5793 · 2025-02-10T13:15:30+00:00

You definitely should regret it.

First of all, if reconciliation is your goal, begging makes that less likely because it makes a woman lose respect for you and see you as weak. Women aren't attracted to weak men because instinctively, they don't see weak men as protectors and providers.
Begging causes you to lose self- respect, and women will not respect a man that doesn't respect himself.

CrazySanta7 · 2025-02-10T12:46:14+00:00

All this does is give her validation, and she loses further respect for you. It tells her you can't get another woman, and she is your only game in town. It's her biology. Its like a homeless woman following you around saying 'i love you, marry me!'. You will run as fast as you can to get away.

Exactly65536 · 2025-02-10T10:50:17+00:00

We all do things we regret.

Regret is good for you if the dose is right. It prevents you from making the same mistake in the future.

If you want to reduce the regret, consider what are the real consequences. There are usually none, nothing tangible. Some shame, but people don't need to go to the hospital from it.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-02-10T08:08:19+00:00

Begging reconfirms all their bad feelings about you and, ironically, lessens or eliminates any chance of reconciliation except on the harshest, most unfair and abusive terms.

20nobodycares21 · 2025-02-10T07:14:44+00:00

It’s ok to beg and feel weak but don’t beg ever again. We grieve for what could have been. Never let them see you cry again. The “gray rock method” has helped me get over her and realize my life is much more peaceful without her in it.

sicrm · 2025-02-10T03:57:26+00:00

as long as you learn from it just look at it as a learning experience and move on

itoocouldbeanyone · 2025-02-10T03:46:02+00:00

I didn’t beg. But I tried and I talked about it with my therapist. She felt it wouldn’t help but reassured me that I needed to not have any regrets albeit being too late.

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2025-02-10T03:37:24+00:00

STBXW told me she was going to file before I was served. I asked her why. I told her I disagreed. I told her I was disappointed in her.

I could see their was no waiver in her decision.

At that point, I was on a freight train to push the divorce forward. I said my piece ... said she was taking the easy way out, but there was no going back now. What I actually said was "I am disgusted with you".

Even though it is the last thing I wanted, I am very proud of myself for not begging. She would have to be the one to beg now, and I would not take her back. She showed me who she is.

rationalvet · 2025-02-10T03:22:37+00:00

I begged over and over. There’s no shame in it. I forgive myself. Her lack of care, emotion, and ability to reassure me made it clear that I was just mourning what was already lost. Be embarrassed, move on. Take care of yourself.

probebeta · 2025-02-10T03:14:24+00:00

I wouldn't worry about it. Her mind was made up anyway. But yes, no begging and pleading! The best way to handle this case is to walk out and do this from position of strength. In other words, before you married her and bought her the house. You'll be amazed how much respect you get from this 😅

rsmiley77 · 2025-02-10T02:49:46+00:00

One of my big points for guys thinking about ‘begging’ is that it’s the worst thing you can do. Women when they get to the point that brings guys ‘here’ is they lose respect for their SO. My ex HATED seeing me move on to the point I know she wanted me back. Here’s the great thing when you move on… you don’t want to go back. You see it for what the relationship really was. And a future of that will make you ill.

darealyst · 2025-02-10T02:26:19+00:00

In hindsight it was embarrassing and I'm ashamed of it but my final attempt at begging was what finally broke her spell over me. Her reaction was cruel, over the top and unnecessary and it didn't take me more than a few hours to have a sudden, beautiful moment of clarity that this person was a scum bag and I was free.

Equal-Morning9480 · 2025-02-10T02:10:26+00:00

I did too, I forgive myself and you should forgive yourself as well. It just meant more to you than it did to her. You were losing it all and I imagine she was happily walking away. What else could you have done? How could you not fight for something so important to you? You had a vision, You had hopes and dreams, you had a plan. You had to beg, you had to do what you had to do, you had to at least try because to you it was that important

Longjumping-Cup-4018 · 2025-02-10T01:58:24+00:00

You have your moment of weakness, now learn from it and be better man

Title	I begged and I regret doing it!
Author	Feisty-Ad-566
Upvotes	29
Comments	27
Date	February 10, 2025 1:55 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ilv5g0/i_begged_and_i_regret_doing_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-begged-and-i-regret-doing-it.1543429 https://theredarchive.com/post/1543429

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