Venting

I'm stuck living with my cheating wife because neither of us can afford to move out and we have a bar with a loan together. The business doesn't make enough for her to support herself and I would be on the hook for paying off the loan if she disappears. I already have my own job so I wouldn't be able to also work at the bar. She threatened to disappear if I could afford to move out. So, I have to pretend to be her friend until the loan is low enough for her to refinance in her name only. Every interaction is just rage inducing but I just have to swallow it. She's out of town right now staying with some dude that she met on Tinder and makes out with at the bar in front of customers that know we are married. I've developed very bad acid reflux that, at 39, I'm on my first ever prescription medication. Even very minor things like thinking about going grocery shopping makes me feel overwhelmed. My mental health is as low as it's ever been and I can't sleep more than 3 hours a night. I constantly look like I got in a fight because circles around my eyes are so dark. I used to enjoy running as a stress relief but I'm just so drained from lack of sleep. Over the course of our marriage, she's ruined all the things I enjoyed outside the house. Socializing at bars(she has emotional meltdowns every time she drinks), going to a sit down restaurant (she's a super Karen), going to people's houses to hang out (she's rude and over talks everybody). She wasn't like this before we got married. She's the only person I've ever held true hatred for.

This fucking sucks and I'm stuck in this situation for at least 2 more years. To top it off, in NC, we have to live separately for 1 year before I can file divorce. The only thing keeping me going is my two kids from my first wife.