Lawyer hit me with a bombshell before mediation tomorrow

MartyMcFly7 · 2022-09-12T20:24:27+00:00

A judge is going to see any demotion or loss of income during divorce as suspicious. How do we know she's not just collaborating with her boss? Who gives her a promotion as soon as the divorce is over? You may be able to have her income imputed based on her prior earnings.

My own ex tried something similar. 2 years into the divorce, she was suddenly claiming she was disabled and entitled to alimony for life! It was expensive, but we had to depose her in preparation to fight her claim. It was pretty obvious she didn't have enough evidence to convince a judge she was disabled and we were able to settle out of court (no alimony!).

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-09-12T20:32:50+00:00

Mediation tips: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=46407

Remember, the mediator's job is to get an agreement not be fair. They do that by leaning on the weaker party.

Good luck.

Freefaller6 · 2022-09-13T01:20:05+00:00

Be careful at mediation. Someone else said it already, they want a deal done, not necessarily a fair deal. We went to mediation and the mediator kept presenting a bullshit offer and almost pushing us to agree to it. We had no time to review the data, run numbers or anything. So after 8 hours, I said fuck it, no deal and we ended. That was 9 months and $30k in attorney fees ago. We are still in the process and finally getting close to a settlement. So there’s risk. You can take a shitty deal and be done with it. But if you don’t, it will drag out and be expensive. The only winners are the lawyers. Good luck but don’t be pressured.

TenuousOgre · 2022-09-12T20:37:52+00:00

Make her attorney document the loss (and that it wasn't due to her request or behavior), meaning she hasn't colluded with her boss for a short term demotion to save this expense. Judge may want to make her prove the demotion at 6 months and again at 12.

upvotersfortruth · 2022-09-13T01:05:43+00:00

Was this claim made in writing from the other side?

Tomorrow is not going to suck. It’s going to be a mediation that, in 95% of cases, would accomplish nothing. Manage your own expectations and emotions. You need to do this so you don’t burn yourself out. Stay strong, stick to your guns.

Spodee5 · 2022-09-13T05:40:03+00:00

My ex pulled the same BS. I wasn’t in a position to get alimony. Claimed the psychological trauma of me divorcing her (she cheated, found out she was a lesbian so that’s all bullshit too) caused her to lose her higher paying job. Got demoted and lost bonuses.

lostcanuck007 · 2022-09-13T07:06:53+00:00

defer the negotiations for investigating these claims, get a PI regardless of whether or not the negotiations go through, these things arent solved in a single sitting, if you can bring proof that shes been lying, you will obliterate her in the eyes of the judge, you might get a huge benefit.

jasoncb123 · 2022-09-13T00:10:27+00:00

The games these women play. 🤦‍♂️

Stalkmoney · 2022-09-13T00:33:17+00:00

Negotiate from last year's numbers. Assume this year's will be the same or similar until proven otherwise.

JD-Anderson · 2022-09-13T01:23:04+00:00

It’s mediation. You don’t have to agree to anything. My last mediation I just scrolled Reddit because it says in our decree we have to do mediation first. I knew we weren’t gonna agree on anything and we needed to get in front of the judge. Just a waste of money is all.

parkinglot_thnksalot · 2022-09-13T01:05:55+00:00

Good luck brother. I’ve been following your story. It can and will get better.

lfteye · 2022-09-13T11:25:47+00:00

Negotiate in brackets— if she earns within a certain range, she pays you xxx. As for a bonus, require her to provide documentation directly from her employer with the terms of her employment. I’m sure your Atty did that. No matter what, if you are unsure don’t feel pressured to agree to something. Your lawyer’s job is to advocate for you and you should give yourself time to think about it.

Ethrowaway88 · 2022-09-13T18:27:21+00:00

Update.

50/50 custody. Week on week off. No child support or alimony. We split the house sale and I get an additional $17k. I keep all my other financial assets. I get half the house stuff. I get the golf cart. I keep my truck and it's equity. She's moving out by the end of October unless we sell sooner.

Caught her lying about her stock worth. She had supposed proof she lost her bonus. Her numbers were off. I was expecting closer to $25k from her 401k. But it is what it is. At least it’s over and I can move on. The system is a joke. Lawyers are shit. Could have been worse though.

pk2at · 2022-09-13T02:19:43+00:00

Actually most men can play this 'demotion' game as well. Apply for a low paying job within your company. After getting hired get letter from HR saying it was an intra company transfer. Judge will usually go by what company says

MillenialShift · 2022-09-12T23:07:16+00:00

Why don't you have your own money?

dadmacintosh · 2022-09-13T14:33:21+00:00

Have a consulting attorney that will review and settlement and disclosure documents before you sign. At the very least, they will let you know what you are leaving on the table when taking a deal.

Have looked into it as I am considering divorce..

Seangar · 2022-09-13T17:17:12+00:00

Any updates?

CleburnCO · 2022-09-13T17:34:41+00:00

Voluntary impoverishment is not a defense...she is able to earn that amount, she should be held to that amount. That is how it was ruled in the past. If you have to walk away from mediation, do so.

ssebastian364 · 2022-09-13T19:11:19+00:00

I believe everyone in America should have an ironclad prenup. It’s a divorce lawyers paradise, never trust anyone who seems too good to be true. If a woman refuses to have a prenup you shouldn’t be marrying her as she is not comfortable enough to sign a document that she doesn’t need anything from you.

Title	Lawyer hit me with a bombshell before mediation tomorrow
Author	Ethrowaway88
Upvotes	35
Comments	22
Date	September 12, 2022 8:11 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xcmstk/lawyer_hit_me_with_a_bombshell_before_mediation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/lawyer-hit-me-with-a-bombshell-before-mediation.1131256 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131256

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