Entitled but feeling guilty

MagnaCumLoudly · 2022-04-27T16:36:59+00:00

You should go all out buddy. No mercy. You already know what I mean. If she wants to drop you for another dude I would get all I can to make my life better. Remove her from the picture like she is doing to you. Make that lawyer do the work and drop her in the mud like she has already done to you. No mercy brother.

SpiritualEnema · 2022-04-27T16:42:06+00:00

Ask yourself, if the roles were reversed would she cut it back and play nice?

I went on a date last night. The woman makes a substantial amount of money, approximately three times what she states her ex husband makes. She smiles and tells me in their divorce papers (that she wrote up and this dumbass signed) he gets 1/3 of the house and she gets 2/3rds. She also gets 1/3 of his retirement while he gets none of her pension. Also she will not pay a penny of alimony for their 18 year marriage.

While I was impressed at her ability to get him to accept that I was sick to my stomach. What she said afterwards really sealed it…. “I made all the mortgage payments why should he get a fair share of the house.” I asked that if the roles were reversed would she agree to that…?? Crickets. See if your state is community property like mine is. In that case 50/50 division of assets is the standard.

Women don’t play fair financially. Period. My money is ours and her money is hers.

Go get what you’re entitled to. She won’t give it to you. They’re taught to be victims and men are taught that they have to suffer and get fucked in the divorce. It’s horseshit. Your future depends on you stepping up. If nothing else it will be a way to get even for her cheating.

And document the shit out of her affair.

murfeous · 2022-04-27T16:42:58+00:00

If it was the other way around, with you making more, she would do the same.

Dell_Hell · 2022-04-27T16:46:06+00:00

Here's the way to look at it:

You can go all out get everything you're entitled to legally, and LATER come back and decide to be generous.

If six years from now, she's clearly suffering financially, has some major medical issue she can't pay for treatment - you can be the blessing angel and hand her tens of thousands of dollars if you damn well see fit to.

You can't do the reverse and get back the dollars if you decide later that was a bad call and you're the one not able to pay for medical treatment or something else massively important to your life.

2022-04-27T16:51:30+00:00

Go after it. She would. The reason she didn't want lawyers is because she knew the situation. If it were reversed she'd definitely have her lawyer going after you.

Do not play Mr Nice Guy. She wouldn't play Mrs Nice Girl with you.

Jbr74 · 2022-04-27T16:53:41+00:00

Go harder...

WartimeDad · 2022-04-27T16:54:03+00:00

Fight for every last penny because it absolutely does not matter how “nice” you are or how much you cut back, the outcome is the same. She will, regardless, flip out and cause war. It’s not on you to manage her emotions anymore. Let her flip out. Let her go to war. 50/50. Just from the way you’re even contemplating that tells me she has been abusing you. You should not have to give her anything. It’s 50/50. That’s the fucking deal.

CrazySanta7 · 2022-04-27T17:06:39+00:00

When i found hundreds of text messages on our cell phone bill, it went from amicable to full throttle quick. I probably got a far better settlement after i found out about her 'he's just a friend' hahaha. The thing is, you've got to try and treat it like a business deal. When emotions get involved, attorneys get rich. You can still be agressive. She brought up.divorce, but i went and filed and came up with the divorce terms. Get it done quick while she is thinking about how her and her 'friend' will be sooo happy. 😎😂

Gxl4 · 2022-04-27T17:14:48+00:00

There is only one reason she wants you to do the paperwork instead of a lawyer.

She wants to benefit, a lawyer knows the law and what’s possible, you dont.

You have your answer right there.

postalmaner · 2022-04-27T17:20:02+00:00

Your starting negotiation point is what you're legally entitled to.

Child support is for the child.

There are other details that you should also be aware of:

claiming dependents,
which house is the "house" for the children for school/buses/etc (this is actually a big one, and easy to forget, but it makes it super nice and easy if you have them as at your house, even if it's 50/50),
claiming eligible benefits related to children,
paying for extra curricular's and shares (proportional to income, 50/50, 100%),
vacation schedules.

You can negotiate on the house, 401k, and anything that affects you, if you want.

slab3 · 2022-04-27T17:17:12+00:00

just listen to your lawyer and do whatever they say

Mundane-Hat-1269 · 2022-04-27T17:49:43+00:00

Show no mercy

Fyfel · 2022-04-27T17:51:39+00:00

A marriage is a partnership, a divorce is a business transaction and should be treated like such. Know what the terms are you’d be willing to accept and then negotiate from the top down. Aim for the stars but be willing to land on the clouds.

edr5619 · 2022-04-27T18:00:37+00:00

If your ability to earn a living is diminished due to your injuries - and being on SSDI, i would guess that it is - I would absolutely go for child support, etc.

214speaking · 2022-04-27T18:11:49+00:00

You think she’d be okay nice if the shoe was on the other foot? 🤔

James1933-75 · 2022-04-27T18:40:43+00:00

Give no quarter, no warning.

rubix_fucked · 2022-04-27T21:04:09+00:00

You are no longer her husband she has replaced you. She is your adversary and so it will prove. She will only act in her best interest, not in the kids best interest and certainly not in yours.

Go after everything you are entitled to. You have kids to care for.

If the roles were reversed and she had leverage over you she would do her best to bury you.

Any kindness, consideration, fair play (weakness in her mind) you show her she will try to use against you.

Come at her hard and fast and keep her off balance.

PEIWyatt · 2022-04-27T22:12:22+00:00

"11 months ago my wife blindsided me with wanting a divorce. After some convincing, I got her to attend counseling. While I focused on the marriage and family, she focused on herself, work, and partying with friends."

This was your first post, remember that, no need to feel guilty.

DiffDoc · 2022-04-27T22:24:01+00:00

Brother, I am also IDES retired, 100%VA and will be in a somewhat similar circumstance soon. You are NOT trying to get anything other than what is right. The only thing I can see as negotiable would be who gets to stay in the house. Are you the children's main care giver? If so, then I think you staying in the house is the best approach.

Doing what is best for you will also be what is best for YOUR KIDS..... wish you the best.

YeTuMamaTambien · 2022-04-27T17:04:23+00:00

Is 50/50 a given in your state or situation? If not play nice to solidify custody ect.

Alias_91 · 2022-04-27T16:58:04+00:00

Does proof of an affair make a substantial difference in divorce rulings? I’m suspicious but not certain, don’t desire to stir the hornets nest if it doesn’t make a difference one way or the other.

playerknowmore · 2022-04-27T19:08:42+00:00

If she asked for, and there's proof of an inappropriate relationship equals scortched earth.

2022-04-27T19:52:34+00:00

It's so difficult because us men really don't like to see women in general playing nice and still getting what they deserve. Our instinct tells us to protect them and make them happy, and it's really awful having to do this. But it's nice to remember how shitty and entitled this person would be with you the other way around.

In this case I would go all in with what your lawyer says.

TakeBackWhat · 2022-04-27T20:22:26+00:00

Get it all and do NOT show your hand. Talk to us if need be. Wipe all your digital footprints daily, incl Reddit and this sub. Blessings sir.

velesxrxe · 2022-04-27T21:53:47+00:00

Are you receiving VA disability in addition SSDI?

Plebe-Uchiha · 2022-04-28T00:23:05+00:00

You have to go all the way out. Dont make the same mistake I made which was thinking she’s going to play nice as well.

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn.”

Even if she plays nice for a while, once she feels scorned, whether it is valid or not, SHE. Will. Not. Play. Nice.

Go all out. She’s going to as well [+]

ndeniably · 2022-04-28T00:28:15+00:00

There's a phrase that has really helped me through this process.

"People tend to get married for love, but usually only learn in the end that divorce, is a business proposition alone"

Take no less than everything you are entitled to, and get evidence of her affair on your own device. Start making copies of ALL financial statements and REALLY make sure that you get exclusive custody of the house with your lawyer ASAP.

bacon-wrapped-steak · 2022-04-28T00:40:02+00:00

It's already war, whether you like it or not. You have to fight for absolutely everything that you can get. If you don't, you will regret it like I did.

Scared_Grass2834 · 2022-04-28T01:24:49+00:00

Cut your loses and move on.. not worth the time, money or headache of court

Be there for your kids

phxowen · 2022-04-28T02:13:18+00:00

Absolutely get what is yours. You think she would play 'nice' with you?

You are the victim(s, if you include your children, and you SHOULD!) of evil actions and hateful intent here. You gave yourself to Your Children, Your Wife, and Your Country and this is how she repays you for all this?

Your not being nice if you don't get what is owed you, your being a sucker, simp, or worse.

She baked the cake and is forcing everyone to eat it.. so make sure you control the narrative of all this, control the interactions (Records <video, audio, written> and/or witnesses for every interaction with her from now on.) and not give her any validation, attention, or hate. Just indifference. That IS the golden ticket. She will go off the deep end soon enough, start sleeping around or worse I would guess, burn out, then come crawling back.

Cheaters have a playbook of actions, arguments, and emotional states. You can look it up, find her path and watch the show and know what's next almost every time. Time to be the Game Master for the game she is forcing you to play leaving her the discarded pawn!

pegleg_legal · 2022-04-28T02:34:02+00:00

Go for the maximum you are entitled to and then some. Then back it down to the level where you can reach agreement. Divorce is fundamentally a zero-sum game, financially, so the negotiations are positional - no matter what anyone claims to think. Men always leave so much on the table from day 1. Foolish but it's our nature.

slab3 · 2022-04-28T03:01:13+00:00

go all in buddy get evrry cent

crypto_keeper88 · 2022-04-28T12:14:26+00:00

Never play nice! Was she playing nice during the marriage while she was having her fun out of state? Get whatever you can and kick her to the curb!

Buckyohare84 · 2022-04-28T12:50:54+00:00

Yes, And once you have it, it will be over and you can move on. Also depending on the legal fees, you will want the money back.

PEIWyatt · 2022-05-30T21:43:02+00:00

Update please.

Title	Entitled but feeling guilty
Author	Ethrowaway88
Upvotes	36
Comments	42
Date	April 27, 2022 4:28 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ud7l62/entitled_but_feeling_guilty/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/entitled-but-feeling-guilty.1113189 https://theredarchive.com/post/1113189