Replacement father

Active_Albatross9483 · 2024-04-01T01:56:04+00:00

"How do you guys deal with the fear of being replaced?" Simple... she WILL ABSOLUTELY try to replace you. There is nothing you can do about the attempt.

All you can do is be the absolute best father you can be and build and maintain the bond you already have.

Which_Emergency_2413 · 2024-03-27T19:12:09+00:00

My ex blew up my family by fucking her 23 year old teaching assistant (half my age), turns out she’s a serial cheater. She introduced my kids to the guy 2 months after she moved out of my house. 2 weeks later he decided he didn’t want to play step dad anymore and bounced. I think it prepared me for what’s to come, once they hit a point, these women don’t care about what they are doing to the kids. My kids are the same age as op. Got my boy a dirtbike and ride as much as we can, take them skiing every other weekend, overnight rafting trips all summer, started coaching his wrestling team, have made peace with her 4 brothers that live close to me and time with them and the cousins. Good luck trying to out dad me. I wonder what her next guy will think when I’m hanging out with her brothers, taking my kids on adventures. It was super tough at first, gets better all the time. I’ve been with a single mom for 7 months, her kid is best friends with mine. She spends limited time with my kids, I tell them she’s just a parent friend and there’s absolutely no pda in front of them. Im not ready to get serious but if I do, I feel like I’ve done it responsibly. I took her son snowmobiling, he was talking about his dad. On the advice of a good friend, I told the kid that his dad sounds like a really cool guy, he wanted to show his dad snowmobiling when he comes to visit, I said hell ya. His dad is in prison. As others have said, focus on yourself and act like the responsible adult, when you kids are old enough they will see through her bullshit.

sicrm · 2024-03-27T12:13:58+00:00

look up serenity prayer.

and focus on making the most of the time you do get with them and staying or becoming someone they can look up to and lean on.

Beneficial-Prior2241 · 2024-03-27T03:55:14+00:00

It’s not too late to add a stipulation into your agreement like I did.

My wife was a cheater, and has proceeded to go on multiple dating apps and has relations with god knows who during our separation.

Anyways, in order to protect my daughter from meeting “new dad” prematurely I stipulated that any new partner for her or myself needs to be announced and introduced to the opposite spouse, then 6 months later gets introduced to the child.

My mediator actually said she never heard of that but that it was a great idea.

jimsmythee · 2024-03-26T18:51:11+00:00

Fortunately, I was able to get 50/50 custody of my two daughters, so I always get to spend a lot of time with them.

But right when we were getting divorced, my exwife moved her new boyfriend and his daughter into their home. That sent me over the top in anger, because some rando-guy was living with my two daughters. But that 50/50 custody helped the situation.

One year later, they got married. And she changed her name to his last name. Then she told the kids, "you know, you can call him dad." They didn't (big sigh of relief there!)

Then 3 months later, she told me she wanted to change their last names to her new last name. I said, "not just no, but hell no." And our daughters said they didn't want to either. She dropped it.

Then 3 months later, he left her and filed for divorce. She still has his last name.

judasholio · 2024-03-26T16:44:09+00:00

Horrible to think that the replacement father gets to spend more time with your kids than you will.

jrr087 · 2024-03-26T15:52:39+00:00

Mine is doing something similar. The guy she's with now wasn't an AP, but he's got more money than I do. My ex seems to have her around him all the time and she's even gone as far as sleeping at his place with her. I put a stop to that though. She swears up and down that it's not a thing. Here's my best advice, brother: keep showing up for your kids. No matter what you're their dad. Nobody can change that.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2024-03-26T13:16:20+00:00

I hear ya OP, it's a scary thought but as most others have said, it's a fleeting idea. You are always Dad and unless you don't want anything to do with them (thankfully, it doesn't sound like that with you), then all you gotta do is be there for them and just be around them. I do all sorts of cool stuff with my kids, the main thing is just being there for them 100% on your time. It's easy! I try to make them part of my hobbies for example, I love cars so my kids are always in my sports car running around and they have a blast. I'm sure they are bragging to AP about how awesome that is so it does give me some satisfaction when that loser has a clapped out crap wagon.

So, have fun man, you will never be replaced!

Is0prene · 2024-03-26T13:07:56+00:00

My ex remarried 3 months after our divorce finalized. Shoved that relationship down their throats. I had the same fears as you. At first the kids loved him. They would brag about how strong he is, how he can lift all of them at once. I was terrified he would replace me. Fast forward and within 5 months they all hated his guts and with each month that goes by they hate him even more. They even complained to their teachers about him and a CPS case opened up. Now a year later you see him around them and you can tell he just wants nothing to do with them, nor do my kids want anything to do with him either.

It is in almost every step parenting book out there. If a step parent tries to replace a parent, the children will reject them. Take this as advice for if you are ever in this situation. The best case scenario for any step parent is that you will be a good friend to a step child. The second you cross that boundary you will be rejected.

Classic-Ad8157 · 2024-03-26T12:53:22+00:00

I thoroughly believe women are codependent by nature. My STBXW was reading books about codependency for months before she served me, and blamed me for her misery amongst other things.

Fast forward a year and she’s wearing sports jerseys and is now a sports mom because she found a community to jump into. We never were a sports family

Me? I’m my same old self within the frame I’ve always been in, I have a great career and the same friend network I’ve had for 20 years.

Read the rational male, it’s in their nature.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-03-26T12:43:58+00:00

You can never be replaced. You are their father. Take that fear and turn it into being the best father you can be when you have them. Make everlasting memories with them. Raise them to be the best kids they can be. What she does, doesn't matter. It all about you. Take care of yourself and your kids. Nothing else matters.

lifeisallihave · 2024-03-26T05:14:22+00:00

Coming from a divorced home. My mom did similar things, introduced me to a few dudes over the years but dad was dad and he was awesome, years later I went no contact and stuck with the better person (dad) until his passing. I miss him every single day and tell my kids about him all the time. We visit him at the cemetery to even celebrate his birthday with him. Be dad Op the guys your ex brings into their lives will come and go, you remain stable and be there for them, make their times with you worthwhile. Cutting my mom out of my life was for the best, even her own brother admits I did the right thing.

WartimeDad · 2024-03-26T05:10:35+00:00

I went through the same shit many years ago. It’s hard to remember I beat myself up mentally much worse than it was worth.

Good to remember these things 1. Unlikely that it will last, but doesn’t matter. 2. Impossible for you to be replaced. You are the dad. They love you. 3. The kids are gonna grow fast and they’re not gonna be into his bull shit. 4. They love and you’re not replaceable.

pikohina · 2024-03-26T03:41:08+00:00

I was 5 when my parents split. Mom had bfs involved with us, but no one could ever replace my Dad. He had us every other weekend. I absolutely loved those weekends from 5 to 15+.

Don’t sweat what you can’t control. Focus on your health and well-being and the rest falls in line.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-03-26T03:35:38+00:00

My son was 13 when it all hit the fan and quite independent in thought and spirit. He went along with his mother bc he thought he was expected to but that only lasted a few months. He's been with me the last few years and went no contact with the mother. The kids will eventually see thru mom's bs. You gotta keep your nose clean and do all you can from afar. You keep yourself available bc most kids will have that light bulb moment, and see their parents for the people they are....you want your child to choose you in that moment.

Means you'll have to hide your fears away and become the obvious, natural choice for your kids down the road.

Xan-Diesel · 2024-03-26T03:25:10+00:00

Unfortunately you can’t control anything but what you do and say. When your kids are with you you’re able to make 100% of the decisions. Worrying about what she does when they’re not with you will only drive you nuts. Accept it’s beyond your ability to control and focus on what you CAN do. Believe me - it works.

conker574 · 2024-03-26T03:24:28+00:00

Same situation here. Same ages too. They talk about a new guy taking them places. Meanwhile I haven't even let a new woman come around my kids whatsoever.

Nothing you can do except be a damn good dad and make your time with them so good that all they do is talk about you when you're not around them.

Feels bro. Chin up.

Also, throat punch.

SmokeBig9773 · 2024-03-26T03:20:10+00:00

Throat punch the dude when you meet him. Establish dominance.

huggsnkisses · 2024-03-26T02:59:26+00:00

I mean nobody wants their kid raised by another guy. Fact is you're the biological father and will always matter. Just be there for them, and one day maybe you'll have a step mom for them.

Title	Replacement father
Author	0neMinute
Upvotes	27
Comments	41
Date	March 26, 2024 2:48 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bnx4qj/replacement_father/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/replacement-father.1513164 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513164

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