Serving papers

Gattsama · 2022-08-23T00:53:24+00:00

General rule in most states is you can not serve her yourself. As for notification... that varies a lot. In my case I told her we need to terminate, I filed and I told her I filed. I didn't tell her when she would be served and used a service. The service also records with the clerk that she has been served.

I think if you have have a civil divorce, she knows divorce is coming, then just have her served; no need to announce. If you are already in fight mode, don't tell her anything and have her served. If this is truly out of left field with no warning & you think she can be civil, let her know you have filed for divorce and she will be served when able.

Up to you. Don't serve her yourself unless you confirm is ok / legal where you live, and if so record the incident.

How pissed she is or isn't, is no longer your concern.

jimsmythee · 2022-08-23T01:02:10+00:00

If you are going for full custody, please have evidence to back it up. I mean actual “she put the kids in danger” evidence.

I got divorced in AZ. Financially, I made out like a bandit. But she had a recent conviction for “DUI with kids in the car.” All that got me was 50/50 custody.

James1933-75 · 2022-08-23T00:57:44+00:00

I hope you have evidence to back your claims, because it is going to be war.

upvotersfortruth · 2022-08-23T02:32:17+00:00

Don't worry about what to say to her, I'm sure she'll reach out and begin the conversation.

FUMoney · 2022-08-23T01:03:19+00:00

Should I be there? Do I warn her?

No, no, no. Let your lawyer hire a process sever to serve the papers. There is no reason for you to “be there.” After service, the process will play itself out. Concerning what happens, that will depend significantly on the ex‘s reaction.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-08-23T09:42:53+00:00

> Do I warn her?

No.

> Explain after?

No. The medium is the message.

> What do I say when I do see her?

Nothing. Unless it's about the day to day parenting of your children, you maintain radio silence.

> What happens after?

You turn up your Don't Give a Fuck meter. She's going to spew all kinds of bullshit about how you've been abusive, how you've done nothing for the kids, etc. Settle in for the long haul. You don't move out of the marital residence until the divorce is final. Here's why: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=81622. Protect yourself from false DV accusations. Here's how and why: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=80375

Environmental-Tap128 · 2022-08-23T05:50:35+00:00

My wife ghosted me. Then served me papers. Still ghosting me. Unless you really hate her, please explain. Talk to her. She’s still human.

nepawarden · 2022-08-23T02:11:51+00:00

My Ex got papers mailed (by an over zealous court office) to her a day before being served. She was shocked to say the least and asked me what they were. I told her they were the divorce filings because she cheated on me and after 10 yrs of marriage she did not want to be a caregiver for someone with a chronic illness (multiple Sclerosis). I told her she was not gonna live here (in the house I paid for) and to get the fuck out. My prenuptial came in play when her lawyer said it wouldn’t hold up in court. I said “let’s find out, dickhead”. A couple things I should have added to the prenup would have been: she gets nothing in the case of infidelity (I had proof), must no longer use my last name, and must unfriend all my family and friends on social media. Her lawyer backed the fuck up. I should have never let her sign the deed on our new house. She still got a $15k valued car when I went to sell it to carvana, and I had to buy a small % of my own home back from her based on state law and prenup protection wording from a previous home I owned.

Best of luck to you with the situation.

leviathynx · 2022-08-23T02:45:17+00:00

There’s so many variables to answer those questions. As Gattsama said, you can’t and shouldn’t serve your own spouse. Most lawyers will hire a process server. Afterwards if there’s children involved you go home. If she wants to know why and you want to tell her go for it. If your name is on the mortgage/lease she can’t kick you out. Make sure you audiorecord or video record every personal interaction. Abusers like this love to get restraining orders, make false allegations, and use highly abusive emotional manipulation. Trust someone who’s been through it and is going through attempt 2 with the same woman.

BeardedDuck · 2022-08-23T04:51:45+00:00

In my amicable case, I warned her and asked how she wanted to be served. Not saying that’s good for everyone.

She was mad even though she asked for the divorce, but then asked for my neighbor to serve her at my place so I could explain it all after. I explained everything and she isn’t going to respond, just sign an agreement.

akihonj · 2022-08-23T10:13:06+00:00

You do not serve her yourself, you either hire a process server or it goes through the post usually in recorded delivery that she needs to sign for.

The document will itself outline reasons for divorce such as abuse claims to give her a chance to contest them or counter file.

Now the next bit, what do you say to her, this depends on the following, are you living in the same place, if yes then what you do is record everything and keep it as civil as possible.

If you aren't living together then I really wouldn't worry too much about it, still document and still keep civil.

rsmiley77 · 2022-08-23T13:33:55+00:00

Serving of papers is not where you declare you’re seeking full custody. At least in my case and state (Pennsylvania) it wasn’t. Also if your state is a no fault state reason doesn’t matter as well and most places are no fault for most cases.

With what you’re claiming you want you’re going to want a lawyer. No way it turns out well for you without one. Let them handle the serving of papers. Before papers are served make sure to take exes name off of any joint credit cards you have. If you have a joint bank account make sure she doesn’t have access to all your money. Maybe create a new account where they not you are paying in. You’re wary in process it would seem so sit and talk to attorney asap.

captainchippsixx · 2022-08-29T01:32:08+00:00

Yes. It’s always better to be on the offensive. Many of us start on the defensive through the whole divorce process. Keep the high ground.

Title	Serving papers
Author	soontobesolo
Upvotes	14
Comments	49
Date	August 23, 2022 12:23 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/wv9x9b/serving_papers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/serving-papers.1128381 https://theredarchive.com/post/1128381

Comments