Should we consider divorce?

ragingredditir · 2022-10-03T18:57:19+00:00

My short answer is no, you shouldn’t consider divorce.

Too much has changed with a newborn and you’re in the chaos. Everything is unhinged, stress is high, you aren’t thinking clear. If she’s a good partner who you can trust, don’t give up on her.

“Lately I don’t feel like I have much control over my own life.”

Start by owning your shit and change your perspective. Who cares if you can’t have an Instagram? I deleted mine because I got tired of it causing drama. Now I’m single and I’m not bringing it back. It’s a waste of time.

Be completely honest with her moving forward, knowing you have nothing to lose. Try reading “No more Mr Nice Guy” and “Extreme Ownership” and apply those principals.”

They say don’t stay together for the kids because an unstable marriage will negatively impact a kid. That doesn’t apply to an 11 month old. I’d push it out at least a few more years. Get past the “7 year itch” and the new parent stress. I feel like if you dipped out now you would regret it.

Upset_Opportunity_43 · 2022-10-03T18:18:32+00:00

You have to be honest with yourself. If you are having an emotional affair then you should never be in a marriage. Just stay single then you can do whatever you want.

Does she make more money than you? Read up on the divorce laws in your state to see if you would benefit financially from staying married. If you don't then just agree to an amicable divorce and proceed.

AirSailer · 2022-10-03T18:52:32+00:00

It sounds like you already know the answer, you're just wanting outside validation. We can't give that too you, so it's up to you to make the hard decision. There are two questions you need to answer, is there anything you can do to make your life better, and are you willing to do those things. Unfortunately you seem to have an insanely jealous wife, and there's a good chance she will never trust you, so you will be walking on egg shells the rest of your life.

capacioushandbag · 2022-10-03T18:57:34+00:00

It doesn't sound like you want a divorce and it does sound like you both need relationship counseling so that she can learn to respect your boundaries and you can learn to make her feel loved (or whatever). You mention an 11-month-old. I see that you had problems before you became parents but you have to realize, this time in a marriage is traditionally the hardest. It's tough being parents to a toddler and resentment tends to build up. My two cents, it's cheaper to keep 'er and get a couples' counselor and really dig down and try to make it work before you give up.

thedarkaquarian007 · 2022-10-03T20:17:22+00:00

I believe you two should " rip off the bandage". She deserves to be with someone more loyal to her.

pk2at · 2022-10-03T18:52:16+00:00

File for legal separation immediately, you can continue to remain married and cohabit.

captainchippsixx · 2022-10-03T19:52:24+00:00

If your not happy. A change needs to be made. If counseling is out. Divorce. It’s that simple. Stop doing the same for the same results. The sooner you divorce the better for everyone to heal sooner. But if you feel you want to try you should go to counseling. Own you shit and she owns hers. And figure it out. If it’s just you working go divorce route.

47omek · 2022-10-03T20:22:40+00:00

Divorcing with an 11 month old would likely put you at a disadvantage custody-wise. I'd wait til the kid is at least 3 or so and can better handle extended time away from each of you then reassess - if she's still starting fights constantly over bullshit then you've got your answer. Also, remember that it takes TWO to fight and if you don't participate she's just a crazy yelling person. Research gray rock method. In the intervening time, make sure that you are AT LEAST as much of an active parent to your child as she is - daycare interaction, playdates, activities, doctor visits etc you are involved in ALL of them and be able to document all of it. If you can prove you were an equal parent before divorce it's much easier to keep equal custody after.

Character_Hippo90 · 2022-10-03T22:57:10+00:00

Often, professional people are the most reluctant to accept advice, as they somehow feel elevated above the norm. You two need to get into couples counseling, especially with not being able to properly communicate in all these years.

playerknowmore · 2022-10-04T01:21:05+00:00

You are asking questions a couple years too late. Good news is if you wait a couple years she'll probably leave you. Any man thinking divorce should make sure that he is bonded to his child. Leave before your child is five, and she can make stepdad; Dad. Women have no problem copying and paste with their new man.

in-ma-flippy-floppys · 2022-10-04T12:48:05+00:00

Start with couples counseling! She sounds like she has trust issues and with the baby needs to not feel like you’re not looking at her the way you may have in the past. You both need to own some ish, so therapy can help! You need to decide what you want, you made a family, you need to fight for it. She needs to trust you, so you also need to stop giving her reasons not to…going through your phone shows a lack of trust. Who cares about Instagram, what are your priorities?

A lot changes with kids, but make sure you both have a healthy balance of friends and family…you should discuss compromises and talk all this through with the therapist to help flesh out any bs your both not saying flat out. In short, divorce is not the way. Fight for your family, if after many months or a year of therapy you are not making progress, then your both not willing to change and that’s all life is..change…good luck

thrownaway41422 · 2022-10-04T18:50:54+00:00

Of course you don't feel like your life is your own anymore. It's not. It's your kid's. Do what's right by them.

tech_2022 · 2022-10-06T01:06:05+00:00

If she is "considering" divorce then it is highly likely that it will end up there, now are later. You are still young; life is not worth going through stress of friction at home. Don't wait till it's too late

Brovehoe77 · 2022-10-06T23:15:41+00:00

You sound kind of similar to my situation (you can read my post if you want). Although mine differs a bit as we never had a break or another person.

However, my wife is very controlling and jealous like this. I saw it before the baby and wrote it off but now with the baby it’s amplified. She definitely reads my texts and is always knowing what I’m doing somehow and I resent her.

On the flip side my family lives 20 min away and the only time they’ve seen my 6 month year old is Tues when she’s at work I can drive there but I need to get approval first.

I’m also on the ropes but I understand how these small issues can fester, get worse and destroy your well being. DM me if you want to chat, the young child is such a weight on me. It’s WHY I cannot figure out my next move as if I’m stuck in the mud.

Thanks for sharing, no advice from me tho

Title	Should we consider divorce?
Author	PromiscuousGuineaPig
Upvotes	8
Comments	36
Date	October 3, 2022 6:01 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xuqnoj/should_we_consider_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/should-we-consider-divorce.1135239 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135239