So disappointed in myself.

True-Storm-5959 · 2024-02-08T11:54:42+00:00

That’s because gray rocking isn’t fixing anything it’s a manipulation tactic.

Thrownaway_marriage · 2024-02-06T01:05:41+00:00

Realizing your mistakes is the first step in making progress. Don't be so hard on yourself. Reset and be ready to re-engage.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-02-05T16:41:43+00:00

Just realize you will have setbacks. That's normal. Take a step back, regroup and step back into it as you were before the trigger. No sympathy needed.... just realize you are human and will make mistakes.

lilMike2000 · 2024-02-05T15:50:49+00:00

Hey man. I don't think you should beat yourself up. You didn't "fall off" the gray rock wagon.

These are your children. You are bound to this woman for life through them till death take one of you. You should communicate through all means possible about the kids and that's it.

Falling off would be you calling to beg to be taken back or some other simpish shit. What you did was having an adult conversation about a common interest that's it.

Stay strong.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-02-05T14:43:55+00:00

If we were perfect, we … probably wouldn’t have got married in the first place?

hazalo9 · 2024-02-05T12:37:59+00:00

This isn't like Alcoholics Anonymous where you fall off the wagon. Grey Rock is done so we can emotionally get stronger against the urge to simp out with our ex or because you just want nothing to do with her for the harm she has done. If you feel you are going to talk to her for the children that's good just make sure you don't talk about anything else unless you are ready. The goal is to talk to her one day without lingering emotions, this is for the good of your children.

MarionberryWeary1320 · 2024-02-05T10:48:33+00:00

There is an parenting app you can use for all contact, might be the way to go.

wisstinks4 · 2024-02-05T05:34:53+00:00

OP- dont beat yourself up over this stuff. Her true colors will be seen.

foookie · 2024-02-05T02:57:04+00:00

I feel you brother, I had a horrible weekend. I spiraled and fell into pain shopping and it has set me back to square one.

Context:

My ex wife started an affair a year ago and I discovered mid February 2023. It absolutely destroyed me and I was non Functioning for months. I was so hurt, traumatized and betrayed.

I did everything wrong once I discovered, I tried to illuminate the years and memories we shared, I did the pick me dance, I went crazy trying to find truth after so many lies and denials.

I ended up serving her because she wanted the divorce, I always did provide and try to make her happy, that was her last wish. Granted!

Divorced officially since Late December 2023, since then I’ve been making strides and slowly improving. I casually have dated several women with no intention of a serious relationship since.

Recently I met another divorced woman, thought she was cool, but red flags 🚩 kept popping up, she would try go get me jealous showing me all the guys she matches with and their text chats. Seeing as I had no intention of anything serious I shook it off.

Guess she went digging and found my ex wife’s social and friends and started sending me her status and pictures of gifts she’s been receiving from men. I told her to stop and she kept going. I blocked her, but the damage was done.

I caved after months of not looking, but I checked her Facebook and her friends account basically looking for pain, I knew what I was going to find was going to hurt.

She’s completely transformed from the woman I knew, she’s dressing sexy and looking better than I ever remember.

She’s out in the clubs with her single friends and bending over and twerking and dancing like a hoe. She’s messing with guys a decade younger if not more, she’s 43.

Even though we’re divorced, it still hurt to see it, even though I begrudgingly entered the dating scene.

I don’t know her at all anymore, completely different from how she was. She’s in full mating mode and I allowed it to really affect me.

I’m back to what feels like square one. I don’t know when the pain will end or if it’s here for life.

She detached and moved on so quickly, I’m a puddle of tears and have aged considerably and she looks amazing and I’ve never seen her dance like that during out entire relationship.

She seems to be done with the guy she cheated on me and got a younger version, similar MO, tatted up and thuggish.

I’m White , but she’s Puerto Rican and I had my son this weekend.

Oh well, I didn’t mean to offload or hijack your thread. I guess to say we may have different circumstances you’re not alone and pain is pain.

Peace to you.

Isthisthereddits · 2024-02-05T01:05:10+00:00

Being in a place I'm leaving a narcissistic wife it kills me when I slip up, because I know she is just eating up having that effect/control on my emotions. She just knows how to get the worst out of me.

organicwilly · 2024-02-05T01:02:01+00:00

Still living with stbxw. It's hard, it'll get better. Hang in there just keep your headspace clean.

saygrace2 · 2024-02-05T00:18:43+00:00

It’s hard brother. Btw 2 years old is way too young to be sleeping at other people’s houses. It better be CLOSE family

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-02-04T21:26:23+00:00

It’s like missing a day at the gym. It sucks, but the best thing you can do is go back the next day, because if you mess up two days in row, it’s going to turn into 3.

So yeah, happens, but you try not to do it tomorrow, and just keep making sure never to miss two days in a row and you’ll get to where it’s a habit that’s hard to break

DoctorRobotics · 2024-02-04T20:34:52+00:00

A reading the helps me a lot on days like that:

“Just for tonight I will let go of any expectation I had for today, as well as any disappointment, shame or guilt I felt for not being perfect today”

We are all perfectly imperfect and that’s called being human. Today wasn’t our best, but that doesn’t have to mean tomorrow can’t be. Give yourself the grace and compassion you deserve.

DivorceTA1988 · 2024-02-04T18:45:17+00:00

Happens to all of us, she was over to pick up the kids, she was about to leave and I noticed she left her coffee.

Oh do you want your coffee?

Yes please! She called from the other room

I used to do this for her all the time, this exchange was like a stab on the heart and it’s been a year. I handed it to her and got myself together. Tomorrow is another day

Special_Jelly9908 · 2024-02-04T18:21:40+00:00

It happens brother. I know how it feels. Sorta feels like you relapsed on drugs or something lol. It takes time and practice. Get composure and try again, learn from those situation and keep at it!

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-02-04T18:02:24+00:00

I've been trying but my heart and my head won't agree yet

lifeisallihave · 2024-02-04T17:31:57+00:00

Bro it happens! I was in a similar situation this week, and I lost it too. It involved my daughter and how she was treating her. I should be more alert and not allow her to trigger me like that, my emotions got the best of me and I felt bad for falling for it.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2024-02-04T17:09:38+00:00

Every day is the first day of the rest of your life.

Don't worry about what happened yesterday. Just get yourself back on track.

You got this brother. Stay strong.

Title	So disappointed in myself.
Author	Miserable_Ad_1172
Upvotes	27
Comments	45
Date	February 4, 2024 4:59 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1aisis4/so_disappointed_in_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/so-disappointed-in-myself.1244573 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244573

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