According to a software engineer working with dating apps, women are absolutely much more picky than men are

caramelkoala45 · 2024-06-07T15:16:18+00:00

A redditor in a previous thread put it best 'The spray 'n pray approach ruins it for everyone. Women have their time wasted and guys waste their visibility on matches they don't actually want. Meanwhile it messes up every guy's visibility because they're competing for a place in a woman's queue with men who don't even want to be there.'

mikey_weasel · 2024-06-07T14:12:06+00:00

Whenever I've seen a demographic breakdown it's usually shown men seriously outnumbering women, often something like 3-to-1.

I've also seen both online and in my real life more than one guy who just spams likes, with just liking everybody or having an extremely low threshold (liking 80%+).

That's been going on for more than a decade now (hell that post you linked to is years old) so it's not a new phenomena.

So I'm in no way surprised that the women who are on apps and trying are going to be more picky than the men (especially since men include the all-swipers helping skew the data)

CaptinSuspenders · 2024-06-07T10:30:21+00:00

All this shows is that women are pickier than men on dating apps. Have you been a woman on a dating app? Most men don't have bios, half don't even half a clear picture of their face, many bios are explicitly sexual or misogynistic, etc. Ofc there are more rejections from women.

XihuanNi-6784 · 2024-06-07T11:08:41+00:00

I mean I didn't think this was ever actually disputed. What's disputed is the implications of that pickiness, in what manner are they picky (looks vs. money) and whether or not it's "justified." What is disputed is the idea that women are super picky based on looks and money and that they "don't know what they want." But realistically that applies to men too. The only difference is men are looking for both quick sex and a well situated partner but it usually isn't as important to them. Does that then mean that somehow women have "broken" the sexual market place? Not really. The issues in dating have far more to do with the material conditions of everyone in this game, not just what the sexes are doing differently. Like honestly if stuff like housing, education, and jobs were easier to find, things would probably be better for a lot of people e.g. sugaring would go down as women would have more options for earning decent money without needing to rely on men.

TypicalProfit8475 · 2024-06-07T11:08:55+00:00

Dating apps select for the wrong or irrelevant traits. One of the best predictors of relationship success is attachment style, how does a dating app integrate that into its criteria. Apps do not represent real life.

BLANC_Luca · 2024-06-07T13:03:14+00:00

Everybody should be

watsonyrmind · 2024-06-07T10:28:11+00:00

Did you read any of the comments on the thread? Lots of people explained it pretty well.

DaBullWeb · 2024-06-07T13:15:55+00:00

Famous Dave’s could of gotten you right for half of that

SilverTango · 2024-06-08T04:29:50+00:00

Can confirm. I am picky as hell, send out very few likes, and rarely match back. The quality of matches is just so low.

purplehathacker · 2024-06-09T08:06:16+00:00

It's a dating app problem. Women get so spammed that they have to apply more or less arbitrary filters just to manage the flow (height, income, whatever). As a consequence, most men stand little chance of standing out.

When you look at dating success stories, they often start with something like "I only met this guy because I loosened my filters a bit" or "I hit it off with this guy at an event who I would never have given a chance to in an app". Clearly, apps need to rethink their approach.

Unfortunately online dating is now the norm and meeting people in social situations is a lot less common. I'll add that real social situations favor people who are attractive and/or with great social skills, so people who lack both are always going to struggle both online and real life. It's just a struggle one has to go through, and it's important to realize the other side is struggling too.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-06-07T17:26:27+00:00

It's dating apps. People are worse on dating apps than elsewhere.

2024-06-07T16:10:25+00:00

As they should be.

ForwardTourist6079 · 2024-06-12T18:32:21+00:00

And in other news... water is wet.

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