Thank you! I deleted my previous account and can't find the girl who "escorted" me from r/AgeGap but you changed my life in a way I will always remember.

So one year and a half ago, being fresh 18 yo meat I managed to attract my twin flame who just happened to be 24 years older than me. He told me he was single and childless so it wasn't a big deal. I had literally 0 experience with boys so I immediately fell for the BS he was feeding me. Here is the rollercoaster I've since been through:

Chapter 1: The Fairytale

Shortly after starting my undergrad I happened to meet a very charming gentlemen who was travelling to my city to close a deal, although he was based in NYC. We hit it off immediately, he knew what to say and when and never missed the compulsory "You're mature and intelligent well beyond your years". Suffering from pick-me-rabbies I wanted to impress him so within a week I went from lifelong prude to the most enthusiastic cock-sucker who loooves it in the ass. It hurts to say that the year with him was the most beautiful year of my life. I felt loved and appreciated. We've travelled the world together, made plans for our future and never argued. He was telling me one day I'm gonna be more than his girlfriend and back then I understood that this was genuine happiness, this is what people spend their whole lives searching for and I was lucky to find it almost immediately after moving out of the parental home. Lucky me!!!

Chapter 2: My Whole World Crashed

He never told me much about his parents so one day I thought I'd try to look him up on one of the sites that generate background information. Maybe his life growing up was tough and now I am finally the fairy he deserved to make him happy? Hours of fruitless stalking and I find his dad's fb. First thing I see is him with two kids. My heart is beating like it's beating for my life. For half a second I was praying to God, Allah & Budda those were his niece and nephew. No. I open the pic and the comment from his dad was: "My son Matt with his son John and daughter Emily at Emily's first birthday". Even now I am crying thinking back about it. It was all over in just one click. I was mortified, petrified, dead. It was all one huge lie. The relationship I sold my soul for was just a pastime for him. I am crying, I will never fully get over it, that moment the happy, enthusiastic and ambitious me died. 

     He was married.      He had 2 kids.      The youngest was 1 year old.

First thing I did, I confronted him. Obv he had an explanation. So apparently the two kids are adopted. A distant relative died a couple of months ago so he "teamed up" with a random woman to raise the kids. Please punch me but I did believe him. Being a pickmeisha you put so much effort into the relationship that you'll refuse to believe things that are written black on white. Like the investors who try to salvage a failed venture because they have all their fortune in it, you try to "make it work" no matter what. I started doubting what he said so I stalked some more and found his wife. She had family pics with both kids as newborns and wedding pics too. So he literally told me I am an idiot to my face with that explanation.

I just ghosted. I can't see their happy wedding pics anymore, or them holding the babies. I am dead. No therapy will ever help me get over it. I am never going to be the person I was before. It's been some time since. All I did was to lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling. I failed all the exams because I didn't show up. Growing up I witnessed abuse and toxicity, my dad was a cheater and a proud wife-beater. Being naive I was thinking I'm gonna grow up and have someone to love me. I was ready to go out of my way hoping it'll be worth it but no... That's just who I am, I'm not worthy of love.

Chapter 3: FDS

Ever since I hit rock bottom I just scroll through reddit. I want to get over it, raise above and start kicking ass but my self esteem is too low to bounce back.

I ran out of subreddits to follow because there's not really much going on if you spend 17 hours a day on reddit. I was scrolling through my messages and found a link to FDS from a girl who found me on r/AgeGap back when I was aDvOcAting AgE GaP relationships. First thing I saw was memes so it captured my attention. Two hours later and I felt like this was some message from above. I made every single mistake in the book! One would assume I had the checklist beforehand. Now having read every piece of information in the sidebar I feel like I was given a second chance at life.

It's been a bit over a month and FDS is better than therapy! I am going to recover! I can do this! But this time I'll start my new chapter knowing that I am part of a family who cares about me even if I don't bend over, send nudes or blow. Long live female solidarity, I love each and every one of you ❤

Throwaway account because I want to forget what I went through

Bonus key takeaways: 1. Age gap relationships can only work if the younger partner isn't a "teeny" 2. Non-virgins who fetishize virgins are walking red flags 3. Men are incredibly good liars. Even an engagement ring doesn't mean much.