I first discovered FDS during the start of the pandemic and I started to slowly incorporate FDS principles in my life, and in dating. I still made mistakes. But, I always tried to come back to my FDS principles to ground me.

Recently, I was seeing a man for three weeks who checked some of my standards - high quality dates, drove me from my place and back, paid for everything. Things that I expected at the beginning of a dating period.

However, we only dated for three short weeks because eventually I realized that he wasn't over his past relationship. He stated he didn't want something casual, and still wanted to get to know me. At first I said "fine, I can keep seeing him but not for long before he makes it clear he wants me, since I'm not an option'.

After 3 weeks, i noticed breadcrumbs that he would give me when we weren't physically together, which gave me anxiety which I usually don't get with men who are clear about their intentions. When I politely confronted him , he said that he wasnt ready to invest in a relationship because he was not over his ex, although he liked spending time with me.

Here's the thing- the old me (maybe 4 years ago), would have stayed.. she would have tried to convince him to open up, to commit, to want to put in the effort to make this into a relationship.

But the new me, the one who is still a work in progress but knows her worth and boundaries, ended things.

I knew what I brought to the table (emotional availability, a stable income and growing career, I live on my own and am fully independent, have my own social life, take extremely good care of my physical health, go to therapy to do shadow work), and I knew that I deserved someone who didn't want me as an option. I deserved someone who saw me and said "hell yeah" and would make dating easy and effortless.

I knew that the anxiety I felt with him when he wasn't phsycially with me was unhealthy- in the past, that anxiety is what kept me in relationships because i was addicted to the toxicity of it.

But, ever since the ending of whatever that relationship was, I had days where I regretted it and days where I didn't. The reality is, I still have that inner child who seeks validation that is fighting against my leveling up. And that's normal! We can't expect ourselves to completely be 100% on the same page with ourselves, but as long as we do what we know will serve us well, we are able to keep going.

So- if leveling up has been hard for you, but you're still doing it, be proud of yourself. You're doing the best you can, and every day , it will slowly get easier.