Hello wonderful ladies of FDS! First of all I’m super grateful to have found this community; I have grown so much from my former “young & innocent” women aka pickmeisha self to a slightly more wizened but definitely-no-longer-in-distress damsel ❤️

As of the moment, I’m rebuilding my life & my career while battling with depression and fighting for the my dignity in the divorce with my ex-husband.

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These days, it has occurred to me that I had totally underestimated the effects of trauma bonding; that despite the 10 years of psychological / physical / emotional abuse from my ex, parts of me STILL warm up to the idea of me seeing him again and “miSSinG hIm” 🤡 He still lurks in the corners of my mind, safeguarded by the fairytales I’ve been indoctrinated into growing up and the lies I myself forced on me as coping mechanism for all the pains I was going through.

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SO I decide I will actively try to reverse it somehow, and I came up with this exercise, as to remind myself and to force those parts of me to confront the reality of his shitty personhood.

Please feel free to add your list of 5. You can be as detail as you wish to.

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5 Reasons Why Your Ex-Husband Was a Loser (Trigger Warning):

* Porn Addiction: When he was in university, I found out that he watched porn in the stall of his uni public bathrooms between classes, sometimes 3 - 4 times in a day (not including his night time sessions). He brought porn addiction to a whole new level.

* Work ethic: When we worked in the same company and same team, while I spent the weekends going to networking events and finding ways to grow the company, I would come home to him sitting his lazy ass on a couch (probably after watching porn) scrolling through Netflix and complaining, “Netflix has ran out of shows for him to watch”. In the same day, I would also often see him scrolling through Facebook Feed, watching videos after videos of mindless entertainment.

* Animal cruelty: His porn addiction means he’s short-tempered. He hit my cats and once I came home from school and saw droplets of blood in the bathroom, I got scared and had to give the cats away. He also told me that the n*pples on my female cat gave him arousal…😨

* Inappropriate boundaries with women and children: He’s active in a gaming community and his chat groups are mostly women and teenagers (14 - 19 years old) and he thinks they're bOndEd viA muAtUal inTerEstS. I recently learned that the parents of one of the teens forced them to cut contact with the group and he JuSt doEsN't uNdErStaNd wHY tHEy aRe sO paRAnOiD

* Personal care: He once ate a pound of almonds because he was too lazy to plan for proper meals during the day and gave himself bleeding constipation the next day and couldn’t attend an important meeting at work—So I had to step in to take over. When I told him it was his fault, he raged at me.

* “Goofy but not man child” I saw this on this dating profile recently. He still thinks his usual demeanors and behaviors are totally harmless, as long as he “doesn’t mean any bad”. As if in order for the behavior to be considered bad, people have to need and obtain his approval 🤦🏻‍♀️

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That's my list for this week. I chose 5 because I can easily remember and those 5 are by no means his absolute worst. Please feel free to add your list of 5 reasons why your ex-husband or partner or boyfriend was a loser, you can be as detail and graphic as you choose to.