Am I on a different planet? 🙃

bleda_princezna · 2021-12-14T12:09:43+00:00

I think in some ways you're just not very compatible with your friends, but since they all seem to value the same things, you get the "why can't I be just like them and fit in" types of feelings.

I used to be around a lot of people who liked to spend their weekends partying and getting drunk. I absolutely hated that and rarely joined them, being the only one like that in the group. It always bothered me, that I'm so "boring and unsocial", but it's just a matter of preference, lifestyle and values. There are plenty of people just like me, but I didn't have them around me, so I felt insecure about it. Now I know better, but even then, I still feel that way sometimes around groups of people who are significantly different from me.

Anyway, personally I'd rather spend my time playing boardgames with my family too, compared to the alternative which to me sounds like a terrible time.

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-12-14T12:51:45+00:00

It honestly sounds like you’ve outgrown your friends and need to seek out a friendship group you’ve got more in common with. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, more circle of life stuff.

Spending a desperate new year with drunk high unvaccinated people doesn’t sound good anyway it sounds hella risky, hang out with your family, stay safe and wake up in your own bed without a hangover.

greenteaorange · 2021-12-14T12:26:10+00:00

Same! All my friends are all about make-ups, fashions and getting a bf is their ultimate goal. From the side line, I would only watch. I love them for who they are, so I am not gonna tell them to change. My true friends also accept me for who I am. They do not look down on me or ask me to change. They love me as I am. And for the fake ones, they faded away one by one.

You mentioned that these “friends” that called you boring. Please be careful with them. Bad company is worse than solace.

It took me well into my twenty to find a bunch of people who are obsessed with my fav book series. It is sort of like a book fan club. I finally feel like I belong. So yeah, do not judge yourself. Don’t be afraid to be authentic. Keep exploring!

Astral_weaver · 2021-12-14T12:40:32+00:00

I used to have a friend group like that, and I was always the "tame" person of the group. I gradually stopped wanting to be around them, because after a point I knew that this was not the lifestyle I want.

Our friends are our influences, you don't really want influences like that. You will gradually find friends from different circles that are not into addictive stuff and you are going to realize that your current friends are not the norm.

In order to rebuild your circle, especially during these trying times, you can handpick 2-3 acquaintances/friends of yours that are not into this lifestyle and build from there. You can also try some group activities if possible. The trick though is not being afraid to stay by yourself for a while. It's better to be alone than in bad company.

Wish you the best. ✨

Partypuppers · 2021-12-14T15:37:55+00:00

It gets easier. I don't want to sound arrogant but I was always levelling up on friends as a child, as a teenager and now as an adult. I came from a very poor background and used my wits, academic smarts and emotional intelligence to avoid bad life choices and aggressively pursue avenues that increased my cultural and financial capital. I now work at a FTSE 250 company.

I was bullied along the way, I lost a lot of friends because I outgrew them. Most of my life has been spent lonely. But guess what? Two months ago I got the keys to my own house and I'm not even 30 yet. Everything that I thought made me an outsider actually made me a success. Understanding the importance of delayed gratification is hugely important and studies show that people who practice it are the most successful in life. The fact that you can think critically about the behaviours of those around you, and act based on what is right for you, is a gift you should be proud of.

I can't take the credit for this as it's not my saying but I read somewhere that "feeling lonely in a world that doesn't have emotional wellness is normal".

If you're feeling stifled it's a sign that you need to take a risk, take a leap of faith and break out of your current circles. Fortune favours the brave. You've got this girl 💪👑.

radical__daphne · 2021-12-14T17:21:15+00:00

Harsh truth? Your friends are losers and you need new ones. You've outgrown them.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-12-14T17:13:00+00:00

I had a period of time in my 20s where I tried to branch out and did the whole clubbing scene for a while. I made a big group of friends and we’d go out every weekend, sometimes twice. Pregame, then to the club, then after parties. Ive never been into weed because it doesn’t agree with me, but I definitely drank and tried to fit in.

And it was fun for a while. But very quickly I realized the lifestyle is so overrated. Once the shine wears off, clubs are all the same and parties are the same. Spend so much money, and for what? Freezing my ass off in the winter in tiny club clothes. So many hangovers. The “friends” I made I quickly realized we’re not real friends because unless we were partying, I never heard from them. A few people I knew went down the drug spiral and/or went to jail.

I stopped clubbing altogether after a few months, after sometimes I would occasionally meet a few of the better people for drinks at the pub and then head home before they all went to a party. Then eventually I fell off and lost touch.

The clincher was it was years later, I was in my 30s now, and I happened to see a few of the old crew at a local bar. They were STILL doing the party/club lifestyle and it had been like 7 years.

So yeah it doesn’t mean anything about how fun you are, that you’re just not into it. Looking back I found the experience mostly empty and I have nothing to show for it.

Unfit_Needleworker · 2021-12-14T14:20:29+00:00

Imagine an FDS planet

Technical_Moth248 · 2021-12-14T17:34:51+00:00

If my "friends" made comments about how boring or exciting they thought I was in bed I would personally think it was fucking weird. It sounds like they are immature and they plan to keep shaming you until you hit their level. It's okay to outgrow people, particularly people who pressure you into lowering your standards.

msromperstomper · 2021-12-14T13:59:05+00:00

I just wanted to say that I'm much older than you and I so admire your choices! To me it sounds like you really know yourself and have it together. I went through a similar leveling up process and just had to admit to myself that I would rather have fewer friendships with deeper connections. Honestly it's your friends that sound boring! Keep doing you and you will find your tribe. Edited to add: the people that I cut out of my life we're still engaged in the behaviors you described IN THEIR 40s, with serious consequences (breaking up marriages, losing jobs, etc.)

Sage_Planter · 2021-12-14T15:23:59+00:00

We're taught these days that we need to stay friends with people forever. Because of social media, there's an expectation that we stay friends with people from high school and keep up with what they're doing. In reality, there's no reason our friend groups can't change as we do.

I understand you want to stay in touch with some of your friends, but it's also important to allow yourself to get new friends without guilt and let some friendships go if needed. Or even just evolve. It's definitely hard to make friends during the pandemic, but when things are easier and you can find peers more like you, it's OK to let go of friends who you've grown apart from. This is a lesson I've been learning myself lately (and I'm 10 years older!). The reality is that people aren't meant to stay in your life forever.

StrawberryMoon3 · 2021-12-14T15:30:00+00:00

You should get new friends

DifferentBar6 · 2021-12-14T21:40:02+00:00

better to be alone than to be with LV people who drag you down

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-12-15T03:30:31+00:00

They watch porn and smoke weed? Sounds like you need to find a new group of friends.

If your friends are incompatible with how you are it won't get any better, so save yourself the annoyance and either distance yourself from them or cut them out completely.

Being away from them for a while will make you closer to your own true self, I mean it!

msinclaire · 2021-12-14T16:22:02+00:00

I just “broke up” with a friend of 20 years. We have been very supportive of each other through marriages and divorces, births, miscarriages, job losses, medical issues, etc.

Within the last couple of years, I realized that having her as a support system caused me to overlook issues with her that I am ethically opposed to such as the ease with which she hooks up with married men. Her head would explode if a spouse cheated on her, but there is no empathy or thought for the wives of these men.

So in spite of our long history and friendship, I made the hard decision to exit the relationship. I don’t want a friend whose ethics don’t match mine; it feels too compromising, something I will no longer do for anyone. While it can be hard to make new friends the older one gets, hanging on to old ones for the sake of posterity isn’t always a great option either.

ponygalactico · 2021-12-14T23:34:52+00:00

I felt really alien in this way, until I joined a lady D&D group.

If nerd activities are not your cup of tea, I'd suggest something you enjoy, but an all-female version of it. You obviously won't click with everyone, but it's one less step in the path of making new, worthwhile friendships. My aunt is in an all female hiking group and their sisterhood is so moving, they really leave no one behind.

I hate when people say that the friends you make in college will be your true friends for life, because for half of my 20's I felt inadequate because that was just not true for me at all.

Mysterious_Call_924 · 2021-12-15T08:11:33+00:00

Do you wanna be friends? 😂 i feel like you're living the same life as me!!!

pinkmailboxes · 2022-01-08T14:32:46+00:00

I know this is really late to be commenting on your post. But can you be my friend? I feel like a lot of people don’t understand my values either. I don’t consume alcohol, weed, or heavier drugs. I’m anti-porn, kink, and BDSM. It’s really hard for me to find friends of the same values. I’m extremely introverted and I get tired out by family parties. The only college party I ever went to was one with my ex and I locked myself in the bathroom crying because I felt so alone and misunderstood haha. I think I was overwhelmed because I don’t really do the whole party thing. I hope you and I both can find friends who have similar values

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Vector_4_Food · 2021-12-14T13:10:25+00:00

If you hang out with 4 thieves you'll be the 5th. If you hang out with 4 philosophers you'll be the 5th. People are social creatures. There's an unreasonable amount of pressure to conform to our social environment. The one you are in doesn't align with your values. Finding a better fit will initially be uncomfortable but well worth it.

Title	Am I on a different planet? 🙃
Author	DiosaCordilia
Upvotes	241
Comments	38
Date	December 14, 2021 11:09 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rg598x/am_i_on_a_different_planet/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/am-i-on-a-different-planet.1092513 https://theredarchive.com/post/1092513

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