Good morning ladies and Happy monday to all of you!

I wanted to share something that transpired over this weekend that FDS assisted me in:

Firstly, shame on me. I went back on OLD. I did this mostly to see if anyone decent was on there. I live in a smaller city - which is within a large region so I figured, "okay, lets see who is out there". Well, therein lies my first mistake - haha.

I matched with a guy who seemed to have his stuff together and had nice hobbies (golf, reading) and didn't talk about sports on his profile at all, or at length ( something that's a bit of a rf for me) and didn't classify himsself has a gamer or nerdy (additional rf).

We spoke for a week on the app. He would message once a day usually fairly late as he indicated that he is a factoryworker who works 3-11 or so. I would reply, extrapolate, ask thoughtful questions and talk about other things as well.

I wasn't overly excited about him and I proceeded because I was feeling like I was being too hard on him and that maybe my standards are a little nuts. I was recently told by a guy that I don't deserve to be taken on dates because I don't own a home and am therefore not financially secure. Wrong, but okay. My confidence with men isn't the best right now.

He hinted twice at getting my number and the first time, I ignored it (be a man and ask me for it) and the second time, I gave him my number. WRONG action, I should have waited until he provided his.

It took him over 24 hours to send me a text. Yes this rubbed me the wrong way. Reciprocal and time considerate communicators are the type of people I get along with best. I had already spent a week talking to him and after waiting over 24 hours to hear anything, I was feeling rather foolish for sharing my number in the first place. If someone is really interested in us, why play a silly game?

He sent a pretty mundane text, and it wasn't lost on me that he didn't bother to ask me a single thing. How are you? Nope. What are you up to today? Nuh-uh.

He was also kind enough to comment on my last message to him on the app, likening it to a novel. Well young man you're definately not cut out for the novels I read if my thoughtful communication to you is being refferred to as a several hundred pages long work of literature. I should have just started playing "oh nice." "cool" "that's great."

The convos were completely carried by me on Saturday, and then early-ish evening arrives (7pm?) and he's gone radio silence. I was like oh, okay, either he's talking to 43060 other women, or he isn't really into me as he hasn't asked me a damn thing and clearly isn't really into getting to know me. In one of my messages to him, I had shared that I'm a nationl board member, I speak italian and learned latin, I'm a retired equestrian... none of this was of interest to him at all.

Sunday rolls around and I'm grocery shopping. I look at my phone and kind of grimace at the message sent 15 minutes prior that says " sorry haha I fell asleep on the couch watching tv. Yeah so my day? I'm going to go for a little hike and then do some cleaning, watch the game. I'm not up to much at all." I hadn't asked him about his day, but that's okay, it was nice to see he was able to write more than "yeah for sure that's really interesting, but it wasn't lost on me that he didn't aknowlege anything I had said regarding being a board member/knowing other languages/my involvement with horses.

I went back to lookat his profile again and looked through the pictures a bit more closely. A bit unkempt, exaggerated smile, and a few pictures of golfing and of his cat, and dog (one of which wasn't his, but his brothers, who was his roomate but no longer resides with him). My province is currently in lockdown (again) and I understand it's not possible right now for men to go to the barber, but I think they have trimmers and razors at home for their faces. No?

Sidebar: what is with all these beards that look like they've been lost in the woods for six months, or the ones that look like they've glued pubic hair to their faces. I'm supposed to be beautiful, smooth skinned, all of that, while they look like they haven't tried in ...years.

I say "That sounds like a nice day, I hope you enjoy! :)". He writes back . "ya what are you up to today". So I say I'm at the store, here are my plans, etc. I keep it brief since it's clear he doesn't give a flying F what I'm doing/where I'm going/what I'm making.

Nothing.

I figure he's just being a basic bro who is watching a game, and then it dawns on me: popclinkfizz... you silly bunny, you have like three close guy friends who are hard core Bills / BLue Jays fans. None of them ignore my texts because of a game - whether they're physically AT said game (season ticket holders, ah the good old days haha) or just watching it. One just had TWINS for goodness sake and still gets back to me faster than this guy.

So, two hours later I send this : https://imgur.com/7Wue8QF and say " Im excited to dig into this * names the items *". His response? "I'd eat some of that. Olives are gross tho * barf emoji *". Cool, you weren't invited to. He then goes on to say that his diet was so limited as a kid because he never wanted to try anything new, but that he's so much more oPeN to "exotic" foods. I said " I didn't realise any of this was exotic. Truffle (the one cheese contains black truffle pieces and the oil I used to pan fry the olive ciabatta was olive oil infused with white truffe) has become really accessable. It's awesome!" And he went on about how he hasn't tried many foods but is open to trying them with me. (Am I a massive b*tch for rolling my eyes? I hate the assumption that I'm going to meet you and help you culture yourself}. The lack of effort with that little comment irked me. I send a message saying that I was lucky in a way for how strict I was brought up (if we didn't like what my mother made for dinner, we were welcome to not eat it, but we weren't having another meal made for us. Hell NO. She also encouraged us to try all sorts of foods from different cultures. I'm of a polish backround but she'll whip out the tagine and make Morroccan food, I first tried oysters when I was a pre-teen, grilled calamari, she even did her own turkducken once and made Peking Duck one year.

He replies an hour later with a picture of what I assume is his coffee table with the caption "my charcuterie lol" with like 10 Bulk Barn bags with various candies in them, a weed pen, one of those small torches that seasoned dabbers use, the top of a bong(as it was on the floor, great place for when you have pets...) and the place was a mess (visible dust, peices of trash) and "decorated" like he was in a frat house. This is a 34 year old man who makes good money (he told me where he works and what he does there, as mentioned its at a factory that is well known for paying a very good wage). I also saw that he had company over, since another guys sweat pant covered legs were in the picture. If you're having company, just say so, I'll leave you alone. I disregard this and politely ask what type of candy, and I share that I love sour keys. (the reason I know about the dabbing is because I very briefly spoke to a guy who was into that and apparently you need one of these torches to smoke it. It's like pot but stronger, for when joints no longer do anything because you're a massive burn-out...so hot).

It' evening now, and me, being a silly bunny AGAIN say " Hey there - I didn't realise you had a pretty busy day, I feel badly for being a bother, and honestly, a bit silly for sharing some of the things I have since you don't seem overly interested. ". He takes two hours to reply and says " when I'm watching a game, its not JUST watching agame. I turn my phone off and I sit and focus and be present". I quickly saw my future with this guy - golfs on the weekends (takes up lots of time, if any of you have dated an avid golfer, you know they disappear on weekends) and sundays being about the boys. I'm all about fostering and supporting friendships with a partner, but when the whole weekend is dedicated to The Boys and the week evenings are tied up "because of work" ...how could I possibly fit into this incredibly busy mans scehdule? /s

He sent me two pretty long diatribes about how he really values how important communication is to me, and is "so impressed" by my self awareness and intelligence, but how I should *never* assume that sports are just sports. I screenshotted this and sent it to my guy friend - who despite being an ER doctor always gets back to me promptly - and he replied " loser. send him a pic of Billie (my dog) being held by (insert player here) with the caption "go f*ck yourself" he then comments "where do these guys come from ...jesus". Context: My friend knows a few of the players and he recgonized one when I was in the states visiting with himth my little dog, while on a patio. He asked to say hi to my dog, and my guy friend said "Can we get a picture? that's super awesome" (very large man holding a tiny dog who is smaller than the footballs he throws - it *was* pretty cute).

The message felt high handed and condesending so I said "I not interested in pursuing this." and the blocked/deleted. I'msomewhat proud of myself for not trying to make excuses and espeically for not apologizing.

I'm going to say something that may come off a bit... conceited. My take on all of this?: I think he was inimidated by me and the life I provide for myself, the type of people I surround myself with as a board member and retired equstrian and the overall experience in life, thus far, I've had. Our difference in how we write were vast as well. The words I use in casual conversation aren't challenging or scholarly, and it's always a shock to me when I have to define words I learned in elementary. Yes, I read a lot, but still.... come on.

This is all still a learning process. I should have blocked when it took him so long to use the number I gave him, but I try to give the benefit of the doubt.

Ladies, unless you're a Dentist, don't pull teeth. Dentisit get paid for that, we don't.

Also, I want to share something I bought for myself this weekend: https://imgur.com/zFPiaG5

Not only should we never be spoken over, or interrupted, but our words and time are valuable and should never be ignored or taken for granted.

I'll do much better next time. Thank you sisters for reading and engaging, and for the continued support we provide one another.