Don't Forget - It's Okay. You Learned.

DesperateCheesecake · 2020-06-02T18:51:39+00:00

This one hit hard

therebelempress · 2020-06-02T23:22:44+00:00

As a woman who was born in the 70’s can I just say how proud I am of younger ladies for breaking the damn cycles!!! It took me until my 40’s to to embrace my worth. You are amazing.

FDStrategist · 2020-06-02T21:34:19+00:00

Very beautifully put, I love this. I still remember vividly my first real break up, and I cringe at the essays I wrote to him, the begging, the need for answers. I am so glad to be stronger now, to have been able to love and nurture myself. It’s an ongoing journey but now I’m getting good at weeding out the LVM and the block-delete.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-06-02T22:32:34+00:00

I’m engaged rn and deeply in love with an amazing man. And yet, every once in a while a flash back of how I belittled myself for my ex will pop back in my mind to haunt me. That shame is no joke!

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-06-02T19:23:44+00:00

This is why women are emotionally stronger than men. We can cry, reflect and move on without wanting to kill ourselves and others.

PrisonIsBoring · 2020-06-02T23:17:40+00:00

My shit ex cheated on me with a literal pornstar and my biggest regret is not dumping him sooner. My self esteem took such a dive. I want to hate myself for how stupid I was but I had to learn somehow—nobody was there to teach me this shit.

bunnyQatar · 2020-06-02T21:52:57+00:00

This is something that I struggle with on my bad days. My only adult relationship that gave me three children and the worst humiliation of my life.

bunniestail · 2020-06-03T00:18:19+00:00

i love this! the biggest indicator of growth is self-compassion. i think a lot of the time when we are trying to grow, we focus on the negative so that we can rid ourselves of it and improve on those negative traits. but sometimes, we need be kinder to ourselves. :)

outside-perception · 2020-06-02T17:11:11+00:00

I know she gets posted a lot but this needed to be said. It took a lot to realise what was happening. Making that realisation and learning from it is the ultimate strength x

mirrrje · 2020-06-03T02:22:40+00:00

Holy shit yes. After my last relationship I thought I was so ugly and annoying. I was shocked when I hung out w some olds and they were complimenting me and we were all hanging out laughing having a good time and no one was rolling their eyes when I talked. I realized how sad it was that I felt like such a shitty person when I wasn’t. I had no reason to be.

InayahDaneen · 2020-06-02T20:43:14+00:00

I'd rather be guilty of caring too much than caring too little.

Caring too much means you have a big heart. Caring too little means you might be cold.

Nimmly67 · 2020-06-03T02:38:33+00:00

I really needed to hear this. "You really cared so you really tried". It is easy to look back in hindsight and scold yourself for how desperate you were trying to make things work. Afterall, we're told all the time that love is about fighting for each other every day. Hanging on tight to that person that once was YOUR person. But when the other partner lets go of the rope, its easy to laugh at the person who falls...

A therapist told me that you should never be ashamed of how much you loved, instead feel bad for the person who gave that up. Because one day sis, you're gonna find someone who is gonna look at you every day and go "Wow, I am lucky to have such a person in my life."

At least, thats what I tell myself when I inwardly or physically cringe at memories with exs.

allierev55 · 2020-06-03T02:57:54+00:00

Sooooo true!!! It’s hard to admit the intense humiliation and honestly it makes me cringe when I think of the bullshit I used to accept when in fact, he just wasn’t into me. Shame on him for stringing me along for as long as he did, but shame on me for accepting it. I think it’s a process for us to forgive ourselves for allowing someone to treat us this way...I am though, in the process of acceptance and more importantly, forgiving myself. Such a better place! I realized that he wasn’t breaking my heart...I broke my own heart by allowing it.

BobLoblawsLawBlog201 · 2020-06-02T22:04:02+00:00

needed this today

sarahbae03 · 2020-06-02T21:29:30+00:00

I needed this. Thanks.

Newwavesupport3657 · 2020-06-02T18:53:51+00:00

I've been in a position of vulnerability most my life. Was raised in a very abusive household and he agency I fled to cashed in on my vulnerability (now on shut down.) I can't wait to become empowered and get away.

I feel humiliated constantly. They act hostile when I'm assertive so I have to kiss ass and beg for scraps. Oppressive situations make you codependent. I don't like this at all.

Going to work on loving myself during and after this. Oppressors don't care about your humanity.

You can't blame yourself for reacting in survival mode when you're relying on oppressors to survive.

And then on the flip coin, in reference to this being about relationships; when you're traumatized, you learn to be grateful for scraps and you crave nurturing.

I have found you can just someone by 4 things; what makes them laugh, what makes them angry, who they surround themselves with, and how they treat the vulnerable. In my experience, most people are not good based on #4. If you're vulnerable, lots of unethical people will target you. It's not your fault. Forgive yourself.

radical__daphne · 2020-06-03T01:11:09+00:00

Because men benefit from this behavior by women.

feedme2night · 2020-06-03T00:24:43+00:00

Omg yes. I literally cringe when thinking about all the things that were said and done. And I am still Soo embarrassed over what happened-that I forgave as much as I did, basically saying it's okay to treat me like that just because of how much I fucking cared.

Lowered my values so much and let someone else just walk all over me. Humiliating to say the least.

But hey we all live and learn lol

hashtaggoodvibesonly · 2020-06-03T01:15:31+00:00

Wow, this just popped up at a weird time.

I had an A+ nuclear breakdown last night because of just this. I was sure that I was the only person in the world that has ever sunk in that low and I was sure that I would never recover from the inner humiliation.

Actually, I’m still not sure.

seashellseashell52 · 2020-06-03T01:38:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. Nice to know I’m not alone in feeling that shame

rexowo · 2020-06-03T03:17:21+00:00

It has been so hard refraining from messaging him asking for answers. I want to know why so badly. It’s so hard to accept that I’ll never know.

2020-06-02T21:37:19+00:00

💙

MsMarsLando · 2020-06-02T20:39:31+00:00

This is so important. Never heard it formulated like this before. Hope this message reaches all us beautiful ladies who need it!<3

juleseve · 2020-06-02T23:32:53+00:00

I needed this!! 😭

cherrytwizzler24 · 2020-06-03T00:48:20+00:00

Ugh. The way I threw myself at my ex months after he ghosted me makes me so ashamed and grossed out by myself

Abracadoggo · 2020-06-03T01:10:01+00:00

Oof this one got me good.

bubbaflax · 2020-06-03T03:08:19+00:00

Thank you for posting this. Seriously

cocogurl · 2020-06-03T05:55:09+00:00

the horrible pain of realizing, in your attempt to get someone back, you lost all sense of self-respect.

ladylaseen · 2020-06-03T09:17:13+00:00

I so needed this today. I'm still recovering and sometimes I feel like I'm still there and I hate it. Worst part is, I've never been that person, but that asshole got me.

greenishpixie · 2020-06-03T09:35:32+00:00

I was just thinking about this today and half a year later, I still have an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. But what came to me was that it's okay to lose your way, it's the direction that's important. And u-turns are also needed sometimes. All's good.

Title	Don't Forget - It's Okay. You Learned.
Author	outside-perception
Upvotes	1933
Comments	54
Date	June 2, 2020 5:09 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gvb9jw/dont_forget_its_okay_you_learned/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dont-forget-its-okay-you-learned.674614 https://theredarchive.com/post/674614

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