Fantasising about fictional men

cloudless-blanket · 2022-03-09T18:01:40+00:00

I think there's a point where fantasizing turns into obsession, a sense of "need" and desperation, and that is a problem. The idea that this person--crush, fictional character, etc--is the whole answer to what is missing from your life (the "royal you", as it were), can become a problem.

Personally I really like the Netflix show The Last Kingdom, and the main character Uhtred is like so hot. I love his character's personality. I think "I want an HVM that inspires loyalty from others like that" and think about the actual transferable qualities instead of "he's just perfect and I want exactly that."

Do I fantasize about how wonderful it would be to be his fictional love interest? Oh yes absolutely, especially when I'm watching the show. Do I let it take over every aspect of my life--buying things with pictures of his face on a t-shirt, putting his picture in a photo frame with hearts, claiming to be Uhtred's wife in an online environment, letting his character take up space in my mind during most hours of the day--no, I do not.

I think there's nothing wrong with being attracted to a fictional character and their qualities, but there is a line of obsession that can happen where it is not healthy or helpful.

ceramicunicorn · 2022-03-09T22:14:13+00:00

Fantasizing over fictional characters is a motivator for me, to be the type of person that attracts such a man or woman, in a hard, hard world, where at times it feels like I barely have the energy to be even more romantically appealing when there is so much neverending shit to do just to maintain the status quo, every single day. It serves as a natural energy booster to do my base level every day, plus my level up work. But, I limit the time spent on fantasy stuff, so I don’t spend so much time on that, that it ends up taking away from my level up time.

It is not unlike being here, where I spend some time consuming content that keeps me on track (when I need to, I avoid content revolving around “look at what this piece of shit LVM did!”, so I don’t get overly depressed), or creating content for others based on what I have learned, but then taking the time to actually do the FDS work, apply the lessons.

No_Fig2938 · 2022-03-09T18:57:28+00:00

You can't compare what lv fantasize about to women

The first one one fantasizes about unrealistic bodies which cannot exist in real life, women fantasize about thier own standards of what is good looking.

Lv men fantasizes about using women like c*mdumbsters, while women fantasize about healthy relationships.

lvm transfer thier fiction into reality a lot of the times, while women still settle for lvm

You can add more comparisons to this but you get my points.

As for your question if you think it's ok, just because you're fantasizing about something doesn't mean you want to actually do that thing or even want it to become true, our desires are complex, sometimes the things we desire and what we truly enjoy are completely different, and a lot of our desires can be conditioned rather than what we really want, sometimes your fantasies can tell you things about yourself, sometimes they have no meaning whatsoever, or they might have more of a positive effect, so you need to be the judge on that.

For example I like daydreaming about the future and what I want to achieve, it helps me keep motivated, sometimes I create stories to entertain myself but it doesn't mean I'll actually make them into something (like a novel), though I rarely daydream about being with a hvm because it makes me feel sad it's just a fantasy and not real life.

like_onomatopoeia · 2022-03-10T09:32:39+00:00

The word you might be after is LIMERANCE.

It will leave you feeling empty and alone. Even on a fictional character.

2022-03-09T21:28:25+00:00

I don’t really fantasize about anyone, but I seek out fanfics featuring certain characters more than other characters because I just find them delightful even though in real life I wouldn’t feel similarly.

2022-03-10T01:07:20+00:00

I think with fictional characters or famous people usually less of an issue than with men you know because you're not likely to run into them.

However, a childhood friend had a huge crush on a rock guitarist from the 70s until the 2000s, so childhood to middle-aged. She was raised by a single mom who was very poor.. The mom would pay for trips to concerts with her daughter and flights to where he lived. The crush had to be ended when she was served with a restraining order after stalking his house in the 2000s. She had been married several years and her husband put up with it.

So best to stay in the real world.

savedempath · 2022-03-09T17:32:57+00:00

All thoughts lead to actions. Fantasizing is not productive all the time. Maybe focus those thoughts into what can I potentially look for in a good man, rather than setting yourself to be let down. And if you continue fantasizing then you know your thoughts are being occupied by unnecessary ideas. Time to focus on a project or something else.

P1neapplep1zza21 · 2022-03-09T21:31:04+00:00

Indulging in a little fantasizing about fictional men has saved me a ton of stress and money over the long term. I don’t know if it’s post nut clarity or what but allowing myself to have fantasies is one of many things that keeps me from being desperate and getting dickmatized IRL.

Every human has them (that’s how a lot of goals and dreams are formed) and I truly believe everyone has at least one small sexual fantasy they wouldn’t really like in reality. Not necessarily gross pedophilic abusive porn fantasies like men have but it’s okay to have a few guilty pleasures—in moderation of course.

There are some fictional characters I wouldn’t date IRL for a billion dollars, but I do find the actors and characters sexually appealing and I don’t feel bad about enjoying a little fantasizing because I’m always consciously working on keeping that fantasy/reality line thicker than the Great Wall.

I only speak for myself though. I have an admittedly stupid sense of humor: my favorite TV show (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia) is full of over the top situations and horrible characters doing things I would never tolerate myself, and that show made me laugh so hard I’ve sobbed. I think there’s value in being allowed to vicariously live through their exaggerated, clearly satirical antics because I’ve never had the urge to pull any of that shit in reality.

Similarly, I’ve never been a violent person in my life, and I still enjoy action movies and battle scenes, and I’ve had the occasional daydream about kicking people out the window like Leonidas 300 style when I’m pissed off.

All humans fantasize, so I think it can be a really good outlet to release pressure and satisfy a little craving as long as you’re always conscientious about putting your real life goals first and not letting it bleed over.

maracat1989 · 2022-03-09T22:16:46+00:00

Are we talking about Rhysand? ☺️

spinsterchachkies · 2022-03-09T18:12:04+00:00

This is just my personal opinion:

We all spend some time fantasizing especially during sex or masturbation, we are human. What you want to avoid is blurring the lines between reality and fantasy, or becoming dependent on the fantasy we enjoy.

For example some men can’t get off on anything but anime girls or porn.

We have to have realistic expectations of men but also have high standards for ourselves at the same time. That is a difficult balance to achieve.

Another issue is men need outside stimulation like porn whereas most women do not. No man will ever be half as good as a fantasy you can imagine. Our imaginations are so good that we can just stay home and rely on our daydreams and dildos and never need a man’s body again.

We have to be disciplined with our fantasies because if we don’t, men will always be a disappointment. No man will ever be that fantasy, that’s where men get their heads twisted thinking women will be a fantasy girl and do all that porn shit for them.

So I know men won’t make me cum multiple times in one night, their dicks aren’t that big or hard, and men aren’t that nice or romantic.

You have to be realistic and understand that sex with men is different then sex in your fantasy. But knowing this, and in moderation, fantasizing is great and a healthy way to escape the everyday mundane dreariness of life. So in other words, go for it girl

sleepysiri · 2022-03-10T17:17:48+00:00

The way men and women, stereotypically speaking, fantasise about fictional characters is very different.

Men find a childlike anime girl and buy a body pillow of said character to, I don’t know, pathetically fuck it? I’ve known of men who do this with My Little Pony characters, I’ve seen men do it to pictures of actresses on their phone screens. The way they fantasise is gross and sexual and depraved, never appreciative or respectful. At least low value men anyway.

When I fantasise about fictional men, I don’t obsess over them or seek to sexually degrade them. I admire them briefly, their qualities. I ponder what it is I like about them. I compare these qualities to my own standards and hope to be surrounded by such people. And then I live my life.

There are three fictional men I commonly “fantasise” about. What I mostly think about when it comes to these characters are their personalities and the traits I love the most. They are all so responsible and moral and strong and brave and assertive and well-kept. I don’t wish to ejaculate onto images of them or sleep with body pillows of them.

FI-REfox · 2022-03-09T22:42:53+00:00

There's a danger in getting carried away fantasizing about a male character. Yes, he is fictional, but then one day, maybe you meet a man in real life who perhaps has a similar smile or manner of speaking or looks strikingly like that character (and people DO copy hairstyles and fashion of fictional characters).

And because you are already primed to be attracted to these features, you could start unconsciously transferring your feelings for this fantasy man onto this real life man.

Some indulgence in mild fantasy is normal, but you might find that you are less interested in doing so if you focus on other things that make you feel fulfilled and and happy now and progress towards increasing future happiness.

Look at it this way: we could all indulge in fantasizing about having Scrooge McDuck swimming pools of money to swim in and being able to see and do whatever we want. But if we're just fantasizing about how great it must feel to fly in a private jet or eat at a 4-star Michelin restaurant or buying our parents a house, and not actively identifying what exactly about these experiences makes us feel so happy and then establishing and working towards a set of tangible steps to get us there, then we're just wasting time and energy.

Overindulgence in fantasy might be a result of feeling like you need more touch or intimacy, or you're feeling a little powerless or insecure about something right now and desirability feels like security or power, or maybe you feel that something else is missing from your life. Whatever the reason, you came here asking about it because you're not sure whether you should feel ok about it. So dig a little deeper and figure out what you're really concerned about and possibly papering over with fanstasy.

Baseless fantasies are the purview of oxidized scrotes who think that even though they hate to read and are rude to their family and friends and are lazy at their jobs and eat take out every night, they will somehow magically morph into rich, hot, well-endowed "chads" at the age of 45 that college coeds are going to be begging to fellate, looooooool.

Yeah, I had to get a dig in at the RP scrotes. They're so pathetic 😆

mythrowawaypdx · 2022-03-10T02:11:08+00:00

I think this can be healthy as long as it doesn't lead to avoidance of real life dating. I've been watching more romance films and looking for romance books to keep the idea of romance alive in my mind, I read Brigerton #1 and found it swoon worthy, the show was nice. I can watch any K Drama and swoon over the love interest, fantasize about those men but once the episode's over I'm not thinking about it again. I've had a few long time celebrity crushes based on looks alone and during dry spells (like now) or times when I don't see many men I think of these men.

There's an app called Dipsea with romantic and erotic audio stories which I've been trying to get into, they have some to help you sleep and they are nice, in one a man plays guitar to you to help you sleep. I get discouraged sometimes when I think about past encounters with men but want reminders that a man playing songs to help me sleep could really happen. YA novels tend to have the best men and avoid all the smut. The book "The Sun is also a Star" is really nice.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2022-03-09T19:25:55+00:00

I think any fantasizing is wasting mental energy. I see zero benefits in occupying your mind with fictional characters when these mental resources could be used for planning actual goals and reassessing your strategies

Title	Fantasising about fictional men
Author	fireforestfairy
Upvotes	198
Comments	50
Date	March 9, 2022 5:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/tacgrs/fantasising_about_fictional_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fantasising-about-fictional-men.1105913 https://theredarchive.com/post/1105913

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