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He just cannot meet your standards. You are not asking for too much. 💜

January 5, 2022
1691 upvotes
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Post Information
Title He just cannot meet your standards. You are not asking for too much. 💜
Author MysteriousLife7
Upvotes 1691
Comments 20
Date January 5, 2022 4:41 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/he-just-cannot-meet-your-standards-you-are-not.1094547
https://theredarchive.com/post/1094547
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rwebea/he_just_cannot_meet_your_standards_you_are_not/
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Comments

[–]JaelismyhomegirlFDS Newbie 66 points67 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

And whenever people offer relationship advice to women, it’s always “jUsT cOmMuNiCaTe!”, as though she isn’t immediately going to be called needy or “high maintenance” when she does.

[–]FluffandRaincloudsRuthless Strategist 57 points58 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women are gaslit on the reg from childhood: "he is mean to you on the playground because he likes you!"

In our teens and 20s, we are further gaslit with "he shows mixed signals because he was hurt in the past/is shy/is inexperienced/is so shocked by his feelings for you/is busy/etc BUT he really likes you!" Then we are shamed for being "needy" aka asking for something normal. Women's magazines, other media, friends, family members, and the mixed signal-men themselves perpetrate the status quo. No more.

[–]MysteriousLife7FDS Newbie[S] 390 points391 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Haven’t all women felt guilty because of this? From the dating phase, becoming exclusive, engagement to marriage, you always feel you’re too much over the entire romantic journey.

Some examples can be, asking your man you’d want to see him at least once a week, asking him to find and book a restaurant for your date, to get something for you on his grocery run, to do the laundry, make a meal, mow the lawn or watch the kids.

Do you feel like you have to browbeat him into doing it? Does he not do it willingly and lovingly for you? He is not your man. You do not need him.

Men who truly love you and care for you will proactively pay for your dinner, remember your anniversaries, celebrate personal and professional milestones with you, help you with chores, take care of the house and the children. All of these so that you’ll feel like your life is easier. They don’t want anything else besides seeing the woman they love being happy, relaxed and at ease. That is the only way that love speaks.

[–]katiekat0214FDS Newbie[🍰] 55 points56 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Owning my "too much" and recognizing his "not enough" is extraordinarily freeing.

[–]LookatthatsassPickmeisha™️ 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What a powerful statement 💕

[–]NonsluttymenFDS Newbie 180 points181 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup! A difficult lesson to learn is to discern the difference between a man who says he loves you but really just wants to own you, and a man who actually loves you.

If it’s you who almost always has to conform to his will, sister, you love him but he doesn’t actually love you.

It’s not just about what’s expected of him, but what he could do within reason to support your happiness.

Denial of this realization at first is an expected defence mechanism, but sooner or later, you have to come to terms with that fact. If you love him and want to do so much to make his life better, why wouldn’t he want to do the same for you?

[–]LadiesOpinionFDS Newbie 96 points97 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Queen I'm finally levelling up in this regard thanks to FDS! Found out the person I was potentially going to date after lockdown, still keeps in touch with their ex. Texting their ex, goes on walks with their ex, is friends with their ex 🚩

Former PickMe-me would probably view this as a green flag of maturity, making amends, and would definitely not want to be 'controlling' over who they hang out with. 🤡

New FDS-me views this as a Red Flag that they probably still want to fuck their ex, are hoping to win their ex back when she becomes available, are generally emotionally unavailable because they're still preoccupied with their ex, or are so desperately lonely they'll hang-out with their ex for lack of better alternatives.

I don't hang out with my exes either. I'm friendly when I run into them, but certainly won't ever make plans with them specifically. So I won't hesitate to hold a potential date up to the same standards. I also no longer care about hearing their opinion on the matter, because the situation simply makes me feel uncomfortable. No matter what context, what backstory, what excuses you throw at me: I will not date someone who is friends with their ex 💅 Next!

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This goes for old crushes, fwb, one night stands, and women that are interested in “more than friends” I will NEVER be in a pick-me harem again.

[–]imnotfitforexistenceFDS Newbie 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's so great to be part of FDS because we get to realise that you DON'T have to put up with things like that, in fact you SHOULD NEVER.

It's sad that we are taught otherwise. The me from a few years ago would be ashamed of nexting someone because they don't fit one of my standards, like being friends with their ex, for example. We are taught that we have to agree with everything and put effort into a relationship (aka do whatever the man wants) for it to work out.

I'm so glad I found this amazing community and that I left my 🤡 phase behind!

*Edit for grammar

[–]ExistentialJellyFDS Newbie 18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh yeah. When I was 18 I dated a guy who was 24 and he would always tell me what was wrong with me and would follow it up with how I was young and so needed guidance. Guess who provided that guidance?

It really messed me up for years. Now I'm married to a HVM and communication is huge in our relationship.

[–]myheartisfullofloveFDS Newbie 35 points36 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don’t ask. I just state a preference or something I want or need done, and see how the man responds. If he’s like Goofy in the op’s picture, I will gracefully yet swiftly remove him from my life and that’s that. Never ask a man anything, especially not more than once.

[–]diamond_pieFDS Newbie 162 points163 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Or honestly guys find another guy. For every guy that you have to beg to do something; there is a guy that would be more than willing or happy. I dated a guy who ‘didn’t know you had to book restaurants’ and we turned up only to be turned away 😅 (probably on purpose). After that I dated a guy who if I said I liked Italian food he would spend a week researching the best Italian restaurant, read reviews, book the place and surprise me lol. Women need to get out of the scarcity mindset and feel like their asking too much!

I dated a guy who would never send me random gifts etc and then I spoke to a guy for a month who saw that the trains weren’t running that weekend and sent me money to get an Uber home. I didn’t say anything he was just naturally worried about how I’d get home. And we weren’t even together then.

For every stingy, non-caring, lazy scrote there is a guy that you don’t even need to ask. Rather than try and change someone and cry and settle, just start talking to someone new and dump the scrote lol 🤣🤣🤣🙏🏼

[–]SnooEagles9138FDS Newbie 80 points81 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I dont communicate that I need more time with him.

Sorry,but if a guy is interested he wants to see you. What can someone really accomplish by stating this need? There is either intrinsic motivation or not and no communication ever will make him want to see you more. Sorry, but I prefer actions over (verbal) communication

[–]tiavargaFDS Newbie 26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

plays church organ because every single post on here is preaching the gospel truth

[–]justanothergirl4278FDS Newbie 29 points30 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One of my favorite quotes of all time is "the answer is never no, you're just asking the wrong person"

Someone, somewhere will give you what you want/are asking for.

[–]modernmedusaaRuthless Strategist 65 points66 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men : I want to be needed (Aka in control)

Also men : Too needy (I don’t want responsibility or connection)

[–]mandoa_skyFDS Disciple 118 points119 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

it's a easy way to know the guy isn't serious, i reckon.

if you marry, you'll be seeing each other every day.

if once a week is too much, that's a platonic friendship at best.

[–]LadiesOpinionFDS Newbie 83 points84 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Saving this. Printing this. Putting this in my diary. Tattooing this on my soul.

This interaction happened to me and I submitted my needs to not appear 'clingy', convinced they just needed a bit more time to step up the intimacy. It never got better. They sure as shit didn't feel shame advocating their needs unapologetically, so I was always the one to adjust to them.

Never again will I sacrifice my needs for a 100% optional person I'm dating. I betrayed myself everytime I diminished myself.

[–]pickadaisyFDS Apprentice 31 points32 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love this, thank you.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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