How do you know if you’re too picky?

cutsforluck · 2020-05-30T20:31:01+00:00

You sound really mature, and it sounds like you're doing all the right things and have your priorities in order.

Keep doing your thing, and you'll meet someone with a similar mindset. Ignore the people who say your standards are 'too high', what you're looking for is more than reasonable.

Those 'snap judgments' are probably you intuitively knowing that someone is not right for you, but next time this happens, you can try to pinpoint exactly why you react this way (at this point you probably don't really know if someone is LV or HV).

Btw, those 30ish guys who want to date a significantly younger woman-- usually they're betting on the woman not having developed boundaries or maturity, and they want to take advantage. Props to you for having noticed this! You're too smart to deal with this bs.

peachtartx · 2020-05-30T20:35:15+00:00

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gigi_chi · 2020-05-30T20:25:10+00:00

When you’re a HVW your dating pool becomes smaller because most people are LVM/LVW. You’re not too picky you’re looking for your equal which is unfortunately hard to find, but you will find it. You aren’t doing anything wrong.

ASMR_Bookclub · 2020-05-30T20:23:54+00:00

You don’t seem too picky to me. You’re 23, and seem to be on your way to an awesome life, and an already pretty self actualized person. A true partner is a rare thing, and why would you settle for someone you’re not attracted to, or find immature?

I say keep living your best life and if you meet someone great who’s your true match, you’ll know. You seem to have great judgement, have faith in it!

wanderluster369 · 2020-05-30T21:28:20+00:00

Omg same! 23 here as well and working on my second bachelor's. So I have goals too, but I feel like my goals would always exceed the men that come my way. I've dated guys I really liked, but deep down I felt like I would leave them in the dust to pursue my goals.

I really am starting to believe that men aren't just worth it anymore maybe back in the day when women really depended on men but there's so many more options to live a fulfilling life it's like what's the point of putting up with a mediocre dude when you can give 100% to yourself?

SayNad · 2020-05-30T23:10:46+00:00

I am 29 years old and I still won't date most of the guys my age because most are really immature. Men's maturity change is late compared to women's - but I personally believe modern world has pampered them so much; comfortable living conditions, easy life, anything they want and need can be bought with a click and they get it super duper fast, basically a life so free and unburdened they have all the time in the world to be lazy and nobody will seriously get mad at them.

While women live in the same world, we still pretty much have to fight social pressure/stigma and double standard that provide enough challenges to jumpstart our maturity process, men don't have that.

In the past men is expected to be protectors, leaders and fighters, they have to overcome challenges and leave the cushy world of childhood by the time they are 18. Men nowadays can still pretty much live like a baby, all needs tended either by their doting mother or conveniences the world has set up.

So no, you are not too picky. We basically have to be picky because if we are not, it is our lives that will be ruined by a baby in an adult body. And don't be duped by high paying jobs and high education level either - I got a degree in engineering from a prominent university, the men there are the most patriarchal, misogynistic smug piece of shits I ever see.

AyemHerself · 2020-05-30T21:07:02+00:00

I don't think there's any such thing as "too picky." You have a right to set standards for your own relationships. If you don't meet anyone who meets them, that's not your fault.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-05-30T22:13:45+00:00

I’m early thirties, normally single as it’s rare for me to find someone I’m attracted to and they’ve all revealed themselves to be LVM so I moved on. My best friend is a year older than me, raised her BF through their 20s and still holds his hand for basic life tasks, bullied him into proposing after 8 years and is now dealing w massive underlying issues that she’s ignored for ages (and sadly is probably going to stay with him because “I put in so much work and it’s different after 9 years”, which I don’t agree with, disrespect is disrespect and you don’t throw good time after bad). Nothing good comes when you settle. I definitely wold rather be single and happy with everything in my life than dealing with the BS I see everyone else having in their relationships b

GIfuckingJane · 2020-05-30T21:32:05+00:00

You are not being too picky. Keep your high standards or men will take advantage and walk all over you. Focus on yourself, take your time and vet men, and never be afraid to walk away

wish_i_wasntavampire · 2020-05-31T07:44:47+00:00

No it's not you. I literally don't know a single man who would fit my standards and preferences.

And it's not that I'm unreasonable or super picky, because 1. I meet all those standards I seek in a man 2. There's tons of WOMEN who would meet my standards.

splendidolchap · 2020-05-31T03:24:18+00:00

I don't think you're too picky at all. And honestly, you're better off having high standards that may go un-met than settling for some slob who could ruin your life. I wish I had been as mature and selective at your age, as it would have saved me thousands of dollars and uncountable hours of stress. Keep doing what you're doing.

imtryingtotryhere · 2020-05-31T10:27:25+00:00

I think you're doing great, and you have a full, rich life with or without a man!

It could also be where you live, though. Some places have more LVM than others.

When it comes to being picky, I think for me personally, having standards (not being picky) would be like this: 'I will not date a man who is xx years or older."

Picky for me would be like this: "he's a great guy but he's not vegan, so I can't date him."

This is my personal view about standards versus picky.

Capable_Okra · 2020-05-31T17:28:48+00:00

Girl STAY PICKY. It's amazing that you have learned to keep your standards high at such a young age. Don't waste your precious 20s on LVM. So many of us here made that mistake. Keep your head held high. Women who expect more tend to get what they want.

catsuramen · 2020-05-31T09:25:58+00:00

High standards is a good thing. You only need 1 husband after all

tw231116 · 2020-05-31T08:05:15+00:00

There is no such thing as being too picky! Being picky means you have a good life on your own and it's going to take someone really special to match that standard.

sarcasticdoll · 2020-05-30T21:44:31+00:00

You are doing fine! I always say it is better to be single than settle.

I work in conservative countries where I am constantly asked about marriage and kids. It even got to the point of hiring an escort as my long-term boyfriend to shut up my work colleagues.

Just keep living your life - have some social hobbies, learn a language, better yourself for you and find people who push you to be your best self too.

2020-05-30T21:52:15+00:00

Because of this, I do have really high standards. I will cut a guy off if he’s disrespectful or makes me uncomfortable. I won’t pretend to be attracted to someone if I’m not. And I want someone who has at least a few mutual interests, as well as someone who has their own goals and wants to better themselves.

These are reasonable standards. Honestly, they're not high at all. They should be the norm for most people, but most people are fucked up.

I’d say most of their boyfriends are decent- but I wouldn’t date them.

Listen to your gut. Don't question yourself.

curlygirl507 · 2020-05-31T14:49:35+00:00

Why do you want a relationship?

Title	How do you know if you’re too picky?
Author	peachtartx
Upvotes	126
Comments	54
Date	May 30, 2020 8:14 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gtkxns/how_do_you_know_if_youre_too_picky/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-know-if-youre-too-picky.674786 https://theredarchive.com/post/674786

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