Is it generally "better" for WOC to date within or outside of their race?

cloudless-blanket · 2022-03-30T20:44:10+00:00

I think like many things, patterns are important to recognize.

I have dated many men of other ethnicities, same ethnicities, local or immigrants, etc. There was never any hard-and-fast rule of "immigrants treat me better/worse" or "men of x ethnicity treat me better/worse". I know one of your questions is about whether Western men come to your country for the sole reason of getting laid, and I guarantee you that for many of them the answer is yes, and for plenty of them the answer is no (or at least, not exclusively).

My advice is to date around and see what they have to say, and you'll start to pick up on patterns of behavior of the men in your area.

I would watch out for the pornsick 1000 yard stare.

I would tactfully find out what their past dating experience has looked like. If it's a guy with a long line of exes of a single ethnicity, watch out for that.

There's a "blood in the water" strategy that has been mentioned on the sub--not something I've figured out how to weave in myself, but it would be along the lines saying something like "One of my old friends married a non-Asian guy, and the guy wound up totally fetishizing her, which I found really disturbing." The idea is to see how he responds. If he responds with "Well, guys like what they like, how does she know he's fetishizing her, he's probably just a stand-up guy attracted to a beautiful woman, you're overreacting," it's a no-go.

Another thing you could do--which could make your mindset worse, so tread carefully--is search the internet for "guides" for men who want to move to Asia for the sole purpose of sexpatting. Like the Red Pill, guys like to "show off" their mad skillz at banging women, which means there's lingo and strategy you can consume to arm yourself against these tactics. It can be extremely disheartening so like I said tread carefully if do you go that route.

Bottom line: most men are terrible, and dating is about weeding them out.

Smolfrend · 2022-03-30T21:35:02+00:00

My experience is mainly south Asian men and white men. In my experience, I get treated subhuman from guys who think I'm from their country based on my looks. White guys have treated me like a person at least. But in OLD, a lot of them said gross racist shit like "caramel princess, chocolate mountains" ugh. So, regardless of ethnicity, find someone who treats you well. If they give you the slightest ick, leave. Green flags only.

alpinepunch2021 · 2022-03-30T16:46:50+00:00

(Reposting this since I think it contained a keyword the automod doesn't like)

I've met some asian men who didn't seem to have this possessive or patriarchal attitude (but they grew up in the West), while I've never met a white man who actively pursued asian women who wasn't bottom of the barrel. I think east asian women face a unique predicament when it comes to dating white men, because the sort of white men who pursue them are pornsick misogynist tech bros, almost invariably. I think interracial dating would probably be a safe bet, but only if it isn't with white men in particular.

Come to think of it, one way you could probably filter for this kind of white guy is to just treat liking programming, anime, or gaming as a dealbreaker.

BasieSkanks · 2022-03-30T20:57:03+00:00

I would say date whoever treats you the best. This person could be within or outside your face. Be open to both options and vet ruthlessly.

millions_ofpeachs4me · 2022-03-30T17:07:07+00:00

Within your culture, you may have to deal with regressive attitudes and outside your culture, you may have fetishization. I can’t say which would be preferable but I can say, as an American, knowing how to predict the guy I’m dating is beneficial to me. I can understand how he thinks and I have something in common with his formative experiences. There are many problems with American guys. Most posts on FDS are about American/western men in general, with their laziness, their degeneracy, their porn obsession and their need to make everything about themselves. Still, I can see how they think and with our common culture, I can discern the decent ones from the L/Z/NVM.

It’s not necessarily racial either. I’m white and I dated a Russian guy. The cultural gap was just too much for me. He came off as overbearing. When I asked Russian friends about it, they said this was common.

Probably about half of my friends are East Asian women and a good percentage of them want to date white men. There is an understood reputation that Asian women will accept worthless men if they’re white. I don’t know how fair this is generally, but I do know that one of my best friends wants, in her words, “mixed babies because they’re the cutest,” and has accepted some complete and utter nonsense from men. Stuff like lying, financial and emotional abuse, alcoholism, etc. Even my own ZVM ex told me before I moved out that he was dating Asian women. The unsaid part was that they’d be more accepting of his lazy, fat, unwashed self than a white woman would be. And again, I’m not saying I believe this about Asian women; but many western (and that includes white, black, Hispanic, and culturally western Asian) men believe it. I’ve noticed similar for Hispanic women dating non-Hispanic men.

I think dating outside of your culture can be tough. It’s sort of like an age gap relationship. The guy will say “you’re so mature/not like the shallow women in New York/British women are fat and ugly, not like you,” and you get the impression they’ve had poor results in their own culture. My Russian ex said these things to me, so just to reemphasize, it’s not necessarily about race.

If you have a man who’s treating you like a second choice or a placeholder until he finds something he wants more, you have a problem, and not a cultural one. Those men you described, the ones who will neg you or say they want a white woman more, are to be dumped on the spot.

savedempath · 2022-03-30T23:41:29+00:00

It comes down to the priorities. Try dating men of different races and bring up certain topics that would potentially help you understand what decisions they would make, and see how it sits with you.

If you date a white guy see what his takes are on your culture. Vetting for the fetishy dudes is always my top priority. Questions like have you dated outside your race? What's your experience been? Maybe not right away, but over the first three dates.

Seeing if he has experience with travel and what type is he. I find inter-racial and inter-cultural dating has its own downsides, but upsides. It can be refreshing to meet someone who has their own way of culturally doing things but is still positive minded. My biggest piece of advice is there are going to be crappy men in all groups. Figure out what feels best with you. So only date High Value Men across the race board and cultural board. Vet vet vet!!! It's the only way.

edwardianemerald · 2022-03-30T22:32:59+00:00

It seems to me there would be fewer issues with a HVM within your own race -- more commonalities etc? The HVM part is the key though.

fruitpunchsam · 2022-03-31T05:19:24+00:00

I am Asian American, of East Asian descent. Essentially I'm only willing to date East and some Southeast Asian men.

I think you need to consider what you need in a relationship that's specific to you, beyond the bare minimum, because men of all ethnicities suck. I don't date Asian men because I think they'll treat me better, I do it because I think they understand being Asian in a way that non-Asians don't and never will. That is very important to me for personal reasons but it may not be to you. I also just find Asian men to be more physically attractive.

All men are equally unlikely to be able to meet the bare minimum for any woman. Given that, just think about the non-bare minimum things you find attractive (e.g., linguistic abilities, cultural background) and date men with those attributes.

It's also very obvious when a white man is fetish-y or when an Asian man is a white worshipper. Follow your instincts and pay attention to what the man is saying.

Something else that pushes me toward dating Asian men only is that their misogyny is especially obvious to me so it's even easier to spot red flags, which is good when dating. And I hate the idea of being fetishized more than the idea of being seen as the second pick after white women, though that's a personal choice.

hilariouslystated · 2022-03-31T02:39:36+00:00

Choose the best man for the job.

queen_azulaa · 2022-03-30T23:38:14+00:00

So this is my personal take as far as race is concerned. I dont care about what the other person's race/ethnicity is but what I do care about is if they are "multicultural". Someone who grew up in 2 very different worlds.

My rationale is that I too grew up that way. Ive found that youre less likely to encounter someone who is very rigid in their beliefs and practices when theyre multicultural because theyve seen both sides of the coin work.

Theyve seen what tight familial bond is. Theyve also see what individuality and freedon at the cost of family look like. Theyve seen marriages that last a lifetime. Theyve also seen a culture with a 50% divorce rate. And neither one is correct because the world is all shades of gray. The world is more nuanced than A or B.

With the small number of men Ive dated, the deepest bond Ive had was with those who also share the same sentiments but those men dont share the 2 different cultures I carry. The ones Ive met who were monocultural had superficial connection because they just dont understand these intricate subjects that, even if youre not familiar with, you won't dismiss out of sheer unfamiliarity.

Does that make sense? Im rambling. But yeah. You vet every person to potentially enter your life anyway. I dont disregard potential partners based or race but rather background and culture. IMO They have to speak a second language. Yes I know. You can be multicultural without learning the language. You also wont understand that you are a very different person when youre speaking a different language. Code switch if you will. They dont need to speak the same 2nd language but to me they just have to speak another language fluently. "I learned Mandarin bcs I wanna be a Billionaire mogul businessman and also Asian girls dig me" and "I learned Japanese because my dream is to marry a Japanese Anime oppai waifu" does NOT count.

crapeescape · 2022-03-30T17:35:15+00:00

How about your find a guy you like and who treats you with respect regardless of color or race. Why wasn’t this an option, because that definitely seems like the most logical 🤔

shockingupdate · 2022-03-30T23:31:09+00:00

No need to compartmentalize men by race when you date someone you’re attracted to who treats you well.

Bella_Keira23 · 2022-03-31T00:14:30+00:00

As a white woman I can’t help you with the race issue as I’m open to dating any race. But I can say you have to just vet every single man no matter what he is. Because before race, he’s a man first. And I don’t look at race, I look to see if he is potentially a HVM or not

dottywine · 2022-04-05T07:10:13+00:00

Date of quality. Don’t keep yourself to any particular race. WOC experience misogyny from their own race in a way that you, hopefully, are able to recognize. And hopefully by now, you know it’s not worth it to be “race loyal”

Title	Is it generally "better" for WOC to date within or outside of their race?
Author	fireforestfairy
Upvotes	252
Comments	33
Date	March 30, 2022 4:14 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/tsa0tu/is_it_generally_better_for_woc_to_date_within_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-it-generally-better-for-woc-to-date-within-or.1109405 https://theredarchive.com/post/1109405

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