Living alone tips

wondertarget · 2020-08-19T02:15:45+00:00

This may only work for men on your floor, but:

Large muddy/dirty work boots left outside your door (brought in every so often). It signals that:

There's a man living in your home
That man probably works in a field where he does heavy lifting

For everything else, get a faux wedding/engagement ring. Some men will not be stopped by this, but it should stave off the bulk of them.

Jasmineof-Agrabah · 2020-08-19T02:18:38+00:00

[deleted]

rhyth7 · 2020-08-19T04:18:51+00:00

I’ve traveled internationally alone and hiked/camped where nobody would hear me scream. I also live alone in a higher crime area.

I’m not a security expert other than being a woman.

I am never armed even though I am handy with guns and have never used my rudimentary self defense skills. I don’t have a dog. I do practice basic common sense safety and am aware of my surroundings. I avoid sketchy people doing questionable things and mind my own business.

My main strategy is based on the fact that overwhelmingly your perpetrator will be someone you know.

So I don’t make eye contact, chit chat or be overly friendly. I have a well developed intuition. I keep to myself. And most of all I firmly believe that it’s my right to live alone, unbothered and I project that confidently.

It’s not stranger danger or random serial killers that pose a threat. It’s the cracked out homeless guy you make eye contact with that now thinks he knows you and won’t shut up. Statistically the perpetrator will be the neighbor you always see in the common area that chats you up, but it’s even more likely that it will be your friend’s friend, or your old college classmate, or the guy you met online, or even your boyfriend. Don’t tell people you live alone and don’t have people over. Figure out what safety protocols work for your situation and stick with them and don’t tell people your set up.

Finally, most of life is managing your fears. My best psychological strategy is to carefully curate what I expose myself to- for example I don’t watch horror movies because they scare me and impact my sleep. I don’t listen to true crime podcasts or basically “entertain” myself with stuff that will just make me fearful.

Hope this helps. You’ll be fine. You’ve got this.

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2020-08-19T02:25:48+00:00

Are you getting roommates? Are they female? Even a gaggle of girls will make you safer than living alone.

I’ve always had roommates. And dogs. When I couldn’t afford a dog I fostered them. There’s also a foster agency that puts you in touch with military personnel. So if they don’t have someone to take their dog, they pay you for food and you foster them.

Nothing makes you feel safer than a dog, even a little dog.

huevos_and_whiskey · 2020-08-19T03:50:10+00:00

I have lived alone often during my adult life, I prefer it. So far, other than being hassled in the hallway, I haven’t really had a problem, and the only building I got hassled in was the “safest” most expensive apartment complex I ever rented from - gated community with mostly middle aged and older tenants - it looked really swanky and upstanding but those older men had all the audacity. You really can’t predict what’s going to be safest just by how it looks.

I did also have someone con his way into my first apartment and search for valuables. He told the maintenance guy he was my brother and got let in, supposedly he had a fake ID with the same last name (though I wonder if the maintenance guy lied about the ID to save face), so it wasn’t technically a break-in. Nothing was taken either, granted in my late teens I didn’t really have anything worth taking. The guy was someone I met at orientation for work and had invited over to smoke bowls a couple times after work. He was later fired for stealing money from the register, so the moral there is don’t invite sketchy people to your home.

When I moved into that first apartment, my mom scared the shit out of me by going through and pointing out everywhere someone could hide “lying in wait for me” and to this day I still do the checks in all the closets etc. wherever I live. Probably overkill, but it’s become habit.

Take whatever precautions make you feel better, there are already a lot of good suggestions in the comments here, but don’t stress out too much about it. Better to have the safety precautions and not need them ofc, but lots of women live alone safely.

immortallogic · 2020-08-19T07:02:07+00:00

Be vigilent and get to know your surroundings. Get to know your neighbors if they seem decent, but do not get too chummy with them. Talk to people in the neighborhood to see if there's anything you should be aware of (shady people, shady areas, etc). You can also check to see if there are any registered sex offenders in the area.

At night, be diligent and alert, walk with confidence and don't look lost (this applies to walking anytime, really). People look for victims who seem weak/ unsure of themselves.

The most important thing, trust your gut. You have no obligation to be nice to anyone (eg someone tries to stop you for directions or something and you don't feel safe, decline civilly and go on your way). If your inner voice tells you to get out of a place or situation, LISTEN.

Install an alarm system in your house. Before you get to your door, have your keys on hand. If it makes you feel safer, get some pepper spray or make some (it's really easy, there are YouTube videos).

With regards to dress, dress modestly if you want, but I don't really think hijab will make a difference, if anything and depending where you live it may put other targets on your back.

I've traveled to numerous places around the world as a solo woman who is physically pretty petite, and I've never had any issues alhamdulilah. I stay aware of my surroundings, get out of situations that I don't feel comfortable with even if it means I have to be a bit impolite, I don't wear revealing clothes (I know this is controversial subject, and women, in an ideal world should be able to wear whatever they please, but this isn't an ideal world. I assure you I always look stylish anyway! Not revealing doesn't have to mean unattractive). I also observe alot (comes back to knowing your surroundings). We are often on our phones etc, and don't see what's going on around us. This is extremely important especially when you're in a place alone.

Finally, don't allow yourself to be riddled by fear. Yes, there are fucked up things that happen all the time, but with some common sense, diligence, and I cannot stress this enough, trusting your gut/intuition, you will be fine. As women we are socialized to be afraid, and this often limits us from doing awesome things! If I had been afraid of doing things alone because I'm a woman I wouldn't have had a ton of the awesome experiences I've been awarded! There are shitty people out there but there are also many decent people out there. Also, living in your own will teach you a ton of independence, confidence and you'll learn alot about yourself.

This is a new chapter in your life and inshallah it will be an amazing one. Be smart and take your precautions, but do not allow yourself to live in fear. Enjoy living on your own and hopefully doing cool new things with your time like engaging in hobbies and passions. Best of luck, and congratulations on your next step!! Also, don't forget to visit your parents ;)

jayda92 · 2020-08-19T05:28:52+00:00

Do it. You'll learn SO much about it and yourself. Don't let guys in until their intentions and behaviors are positive. Give your bf and parents a key.

Always, ALWAYS be prepared to fight and make sure you're never alone after midnight when you go outside. I got raped right outside my apartment for putting the trash outside at a later hour of the night since I threw a little party. I declined my friends offers to walk with me; I should've taken them on on it.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-08-19T09:45:27+00:00

Make sure your front door is solid. Check that the hinges are big and sturdy, check that the deadbolt and other locks work correctly and they should have 3 inch screws going into the wall. You can look up videos on how to check this online. You want a front door that can't be kicked in with just one or two kicks. Unfortunately most front doors are easily kicked in because people don't have the correct locks and screws.

I would also highly recommend getting a doorbell camera which you should be able to install with two tiny screws so it shouldn't cause problems or damage. Several months ago I had a crack addict come to my door at 2 a.m. and look in the little window on the door. But then he saw the light turn on on the doorbell camera and he booked it out of there. Next morning I found out he had broken into a house just two blocks away. Two witnesses gave the same description of the man including his distinctive printed sweatshirt. It worked as a deterrent and it gave me a video of this man that I was able to give to the police and I posted photos around the neighborhood for everyone.

After that I engaged in an extensive overhaul of all of my locks (I bought a kind that can't be picked as easily and I can actually rekey them very quickly if I ever needed to), screws, got 9 inch long strike plates, a smart switch so that my outside lights are always on at night, a security light for the other side of my house and another camera.

Alma00019 · 2020-08-19T07:48:50+00:00

find a place in a safe neighborhood
make sure your building is safe and secured from the outside. make sure it is controlled access
get an apartment on the 2nd floor or higher
make sure your apartment has a bolt, chain, or bolted lock that's accessible from the inside but not the outside. Or a combination of 2 or all 3 of the above. Personally I like chains because you can crack open the door and see outside but still be protected (for the most part)
make sure you can lock your windows
make friends with your neighbors, especially if they are women and/or couples
invest in an inexpensive motion-sensor camera. You can get some for around $50 at stores like Frys and online
if possible, have male friends come over regularly (not like every week, but every few weeks or so) to make it clear you have men in your life who care about you, or even a boyfriend
wear a fake engagement ring

loudest_gusset · 2020-08-19T17:30:31+00:00

When I first moved into my own apartment, I lived by these rules:

Don't tell anyone you live alone.
Don't tell anyone where you live.
Lock the doors as soon as you get home.
Keep all windows locked.
Park close to the building.
Try to not return or leave home at odd hours.
Switch up your schedule if you can. For work it might not be feasible, but maybe go work out some afternoons or go grocery shopping.
Don't hold open the building door for anyone. If they live there, they have a key. If they're visiting someone, their host can let them in.

I've lived alone most of my adult life and it's been great. Just keep some basic safety precautions and it should be fun.

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-08-19T02:30:15+00:00

I’ve lived with 3 guy roommates in over a year and never had ANY issues. I think you should most definitely stay vigilant, but please don’t become paranoid and change plans about your own life and freedom due to fear of shitty men. You deserve to have a happy and fulfilling life, so don’t let anyone or fear get in the way of you getting that for yourself!

a-shrinking-violet · 2020-08-19T03:31:34+00:00

I live alone now and have done in the past and have always felt pretty safe, even when I was on the first floor of a house that was right on the sidewalk. However, I wouldn’t recommend the ground floor, as you have to be careful about leaving your windows open and whatnot.

I think it really depends on the apartment itself — the neighborhood, the building, etc. If you’re in a decent complex in a decent neighborhood, there is a 99% chance that you’ll be fine. Obviously I’m sure others have had bad experiences, but I wouldn’t worry to much.

Living alone for the first time can be scary and you might feel homesick, but you’ll get used to it. And when you do, it’s actually pretty great! I looooove living alone for so many reasons.

sjw__7 · 2020-08-19T07:10:10+00:00

If you have a letter box in the foyer downstairs or a name plate at or near your front door, add two surnames to it (yours and a made-up name) so that it looks like you’re living with one other person (who could be a man..).

My ex moved out of our flat and it still stays MY-NAME/HIS-NAME on the letterbox downstairs. It’s a small thing but I prefer other people in the building and delivery people etc not knowing I’m alone.

thirdtoebean · 2020-08-19T09:23:21+00:00

There's some excellent advice on this thread. I live alone and it's awesome - 100% better than living with a partner - but personal safety is a real concern and you're right to take it seriously. I have a security light, motion cameras and I'm in the process of getting my locks upgraded as well as removing one of the back entry routes to my house.

The point I'd really underline from other comments that I have personally found to be true is trust your intuition. If you are in the habit of overriding it for other people's comfort (as many women are), it might take a while to learn to hear it again, but it is the single best thing you can do for your personal wellbeing and safety. You don't need a good reason for deciding a situation is unsafe or a person is creepy. It is okay to be viewed as cool, aloof or impolite, and certainly better than coming to harm.

I find it depressing that faking having a man around (boots, ring etc) is a recommended strategy and I personally would prefer not to normalise that, but it's your comfort level. Do what you need to do to be safe.

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-08-19T06:29:41+00:00

If you live in a country where pepper spray is illegal:

have a friend text you "Holy shit I saw a coyote/bear in my back yard! It was scary, I'm going to buy bear spray tomorrow! Come with me."
go buy dog/bear spray
keep it on you like pepper spray

On Amazon you can get a wyze camera for $30 as a security camera. It's cheap and it works. Hook it up to wifi and download the app, you can see live the area it faces from your phone without an expensive security system. Get an SD card if you need to save recordings.

nyan_birb · 2020-08-19T21:36:25+00:00

I love living alone. To avoid unwanted attention I always go out earbuds in with loud enough music that I can’t hear anyone or if I hear them I ignore them. They won’t know any different. Also look confident and like you know where you’re going. Men are less likely to talk to you if you don’t look lost/confused/in distress.

I also love in an apartment building on a floor that is not reachable from the street. So it’s not like anyone could break in unless they got in the building itself. I am moving to a new building soon which has security at the front desk! 🙌🏻

Title	Living alone tips
Author	Jasmineof-Agrabah
Upvotes	60
Comments	43
Date	August 19, 2020 2:05 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iceuz9/living_alone_tips/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/living-alone-tips.213183 https://theredarchive.com/post/213183

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