Marriage is not an accomplishment. Focus on leveling up!

cryptohobo · 2022-01-28T02:19:52+00:00

I think what makes this line of thinking especially dangerous is that a sense of achievement in getting married will also be proportional to the sense of failure if one’s marriage doesn’t work out. No wonder so many people stay in miserable marriages just to save face. This is why it’s so important as women that we stay in control of our emotions.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2022-01-28T02:11:22+00:00

Marriage benefits men so much more but women are sold the lie about it being our happily ever after. Marriage for me was like a slow death.

londochig · 2022-01-28T01:48:29+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ruqx4w/the_happily_ever_after_marriage_fairytale_sold_to/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

I love her. She so articulately summarised how I feel about marriage. FDS is such an amazing place to find like minded women. It's really been the only thing that took the rose tinted glasses off.

CrazyPaine · 2022-01-28T11:51:22+00:00

And yet many women think marriage is an accomplishment when it's not. It's just another form of baby sitting a lv manchild.

purasangria · 2022-01-28T02:25:01+00:00

I think being single and unbothered is what women should strive for; we've been sold a bill of goods with this marriage nonsense. It benefits men, and gives them more access to women's unpaid labor, and then when he tires of her, she gets thrown out, penniless, after sacrificing her body and mind to the good of a man and his offspring.

Buy yourself a ring if you want one, and get married if you want to, but to a man who actually makes your life better. Don't settle.

ItsFreezen · 2022-01-28T12:56:05+00:00

The vast majority of people who visit wedding forums are women. This was my clue.

ferociouslycurious · 2022-01-28T02:44:21+00:00

Boys are conditioned to aspire to marriage…..so that they can then sit on their butts and be lazy while their wife takes care of them. We need to actively condition boys to aspire to take care of themselves.

Throwawaylikehay · 2022-01-28T03:33:22+00:00

Find happiness within yourself first. You will know you were successful and joyful before a man came into the picture.

And if you get married, that's beautiful. You can share the mutual happiness, desire, sex, attraction with a man you love who reciprocates his feelings for you. And in the off chance it doesn't work out, you know you will still be a boss bitch because you were your own woman before him and will continue being a confident, sexy, successful woman after him.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-01-28T07:41:07+00:00

my pickme roomate from college got in touch with me after 5 years and started the message with: "I have a husband, I have two kids, I have quit my job and moved with my husband in a foreign country and I feel fulfilled blah blah blah. My husband has a friend who says it's very difficult to find someone to his tastes and I was thinking of you because you're more conservative and I think you two will make such a nice pair, you know, the type of couple that goes to the opera and visits castles. he needs in his life a woman such as yourself. what do you say?"

I did not reply for more than 10 minutes and she said "sorry if I was presumptuous"

I bet you are, would have been my answer but instead I told her I was in the bathroom or on the toilet, something like that and I couldn't use my phone.

yeah, talk about seeing this whole shit like an accomplishment. if all you can say about yourself is you're wife of X and mother of ABC... that's your whole identity. girl, I am not gonna rain on your parade!

Feminineprincess · 2022-01-28T15:59:31+00:00

I’m so glad that I’ve done a lot of unlearning (and still am) in regards to what patriarchal societies subconsciously taught women what was important. Last year (at 22), I realized I wanted to be a doctor and now every single day I make sure what measures I should take to get me into medical school. Having an education and a passion for something that you love makes you extremely empowered as a woman, and I wish more women would realize their potential of reaching extraordinary goals instead of being marriage minded. Why should women feel the need to be a wife and a mother and make it their ultimate goal whereas men see marriage as a burden and a loss of their freedom? I lost a friend who was like this, she chased after a man who lived in another state, she was driving 4 hours going and coming back to see him, and the two got married within 3 weeks of knowing each other. I’m sure she isn’t happy but she’s able to finally say that she has a husband, so sad.

alpinepunch2021 · 2022-01-28T18:31:52+00:00

I think the solution here is to start conditioning boys to aspire to marriage as well. Imagine the kind of familial stability and love that'd ensue if men contributed to marriages and families the way women did.

SpiteTomatoes · 2022-01-28T21:11:10+00:00

One of the best things this sub did was teach me to focus on myself and not finding a relationship. My whole life I spent chasing and adjusting to someone else. Since I followed here, I have grown so much in my career and academic accomplishments and plan to work towards my PhD now. That is my focus. A man will fit in to that plan if he wants to and I happen to find him. But my life's purpose is now my success and happiness and what a beautiful mindset shift that has been.

TellCerseeItWasMe · 2022-01-28T03:37:51+00:00

And then we divorce them

FDS-MAGICA · 2022-01-28T03:23:46+00:00

Never? don't know about that. Consider all the effort you have to put in to finding the right man: the vetting, the waiting, the learning, the work you put into leveling up... I think it would be OK to call it an achievement.

Title	Marriage is not an accomplishment. Focus on leveling up!
Author	bioqueen53
Upvotes	1278
Comments	30
Date	January 28, 2022 1:37 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/seeqxd/marriage_is_not_an_accomplishment_focus_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/marriage-is-not-an-accomplishment-focus-on.1099348 https://theredarchive.com/post/1099348

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