Men can’t handle life changing events

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-04-12T01:23:12+00:00

I think a lot of men know when they an "excusable" cheating opportunity and they take it every. time.

This actually came up recently- I was out celebrating with a friend and we stayed out really late- a guy tryed to make moves on me but i had mad him confess that he had a gf. I drilled him as to why he is hitting on me. He then brought up his sex life with gf being non existent and a recent illness in his family that was hard because of a death in family that effected only the recently ill person. he was going the extra mile for his sob story- topping it off with the facts that his gf was out having fun. Needless to say I didn't go there, but he did get free therapy now that i think back. smh

Annonanopolis · 2021-04-12T01:51:42+00:00

They are also completely avoidant and lack empathy when there is a life changing event in your life as well. They either take your grief/vulnerability as an opportunity for sex and or manipulation, or they will just downplay or avoid anything to do with your grief, or better yet, sometimes they will just drop you at the first sign of trouble/trauma just anticipating what may be around the corner.

Only_Lime2520 · 2021-04-12T02:34:17+00:00

Your post reminds me of the scrote majority of the OLD world in the beginning of this year,

"How are you COPING with the pandemic?",

"My life has done a 180 since the lockdown *sad faced emojis* "

"I just wish everything was back to normal"

"I hate masks!!"

and the scrote king of them all--my ex, he went into depression and tried to "open" our relationship to polyamory as a way of coping.

... and I was like? Dude I'm taking online piano lessons, learning Spanish and brushing up my resume with a certificate in Product Design with all the time I got from not having to commute/ socializing.

Apprehensive_Ad_7917 · 2021-04-12T01:10:59+00:00

Yeah this is essentially what we mean when we say that the patriarchy hurts men too. Men created a system in which they require themselves to be socialized to suppress emotions (other than like anger). They think it makes them more logical or whatever but it just emotionally stunts them.

amhran_oiche · 2021-04-12T01:07:26+00:00

This is so accurate.

For all the "women are so emotional / oh are you on your period?" bullshit, men experience the same emotions we do and have absolutely no capacity to express them in a healthy way.

They think that talking about it, crying, or seeing a therapist is weak so they turn to drinking, rage, silence, and sex to ignore and push out the pain, because that's manly. :)))))

Platipus6 · 2021-04-12T01:11:16+00:00

Men pop out of the womb thinking they're immortal gods in control of their destiny.

Anything that pierces that bubble and reminds them of their own impending erasure makes them spin out of control. eg. a miscarriage, a woman getting an abortion, a friend dying after drink-driving. They realise they mean nothing, have made no mark on the world, and can be yeeted after one reckless decision or something beyond their control.

Some get worse during a successful pregnancy because they think she has no further use for him and can leave/live without him and take his kid so he has to lock her back down with another one. and another and another until its his 5 kids effectively locking her down.

Any method of keeping her exhausted and unable to determine her own destiny, because she's the only vessel for his immortality.

whiterabbit818 · 2021-04-12T01:16:21+00:00

My ex wasn’t awesome to begin with, but after his good friend died unexpectedly he became SO MUCH WORSE! Than my brother passes away (the same way as his friend, about 8 months later) and he is not there for me at all. He recovers a bit about a year later, then his stepdad unexpectedly passes. Cannot imagine what he’ll do when someone like his Dad passes, but NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE!

2021-04-12T01:07:33+00:00

Yep.

They're all about exteriors. If even that.

Handling emotional turbulence?

Big fat zero.

Yet the hubris 😒

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2021-04-12T01:11:08+00:00

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pretty_kill · 2021-04-12T01:13:10+00:00

This narc guy at my work is having issues with his sick grandma, and I haven’t known him pre-issues but he constantly comments on how it makes him easily irritable and puts him in a bad mood. It’s true he is very toxic. I just can’t compare to how he normally is because I don’t know him well.

Last LVM (possibly covert narc) I had a thing going on with pre-FDS legit was afraid of death. Not just him dying, but he couldn’t handle anyone dying. He said his life goal was not to die. He was going to figure out how to be immortal. No joke. He was dead serious (lol)

zazaleaz · 2021-04-12T13:01:49+00:00

Meanwhile if you have a life-changing event they expect you to power through it and get back to being a sexy housekeeper like nothing ever happened.

2021-04-12T12:31:02+00:00

My marriage was bad, but it got exponentially worse when ex husband's best friend over dosed and died (leaving behind a wife and a child under a year old, ex was mad I was more concerned about the wife and child than ex who saw this man maybe twice a year).

Ex and I worked together, and suddenly I was expected to cover all their shifts... Forever I guess. After the funeral I refused to cover shifts and ended up firing ex because BIG SURPRISE ex was just sitting at home doing scrote things then demanding I fork over what they would have made if they worked their own shifts.

And when my ex FIL (just a misogynistic, bigoted, narcissistic sack of shit) got diagnosed with cancer that was another shit show.

To support his father, my BIL started working 80+ hours a week to help with medical bills, brought his dad food every day and spent time with him after chemo, cleaned his house, picked up prescriptions, did yard work etc.

My ex husband.... Sat on the couch crying, playing video games, jacking off, while refusing to visit their father who lived 15 minutes from my house.

Why didn't ex visit? Because "it's too hard for me to see him like that". Apparently I'm a heartless bitch for saying I'm sure it's a million times harder for their father with cancer realizing which of his children are self absorbed losers.

poison_snacc · 2021-04-12T14:09:36+00:00

Everyone grieves differently for sure. I know i am a mess when I face any kind of loss, but then again I live with mental illness so it’s kind of expected. This brings me to the part that I have a problem with. Due to my mental illness, I see a doctor. I take medication and I do therapy. It is required for me and without those things I would not be doing well. I focus on that stuff and it comes first so I don’t bring down the people around me. I also hold off on getting romantically involved with anyone until I know I can handle myself.

So what do these men do when they become depressed? I don’t see them going to a medical professional. They’re not taking medication or in therapy. Most of the time I don’t see them take any responsibility whatsoever for this shit. They treat the women around them like therapists and react with incredulity when someone confronts them about their behavior. They take shit out on women and often become abusive. They use substances, cheat on their partner, or develop what they so delicately refer to as “anger problems.” Faced with a bottom line, they blame everything on their partner and gaslight their partner into thinking it’s their fault. If someone threatens to break up with some of these men, the men threaten violence or suicide.

Scrotes who can’t deal with emotions, stop using grieving as an excuse for treating everyone around you like shit. If you don’t have the balls to get help, stay on your own and work on yourself until you are able to behave worthy of a partner.

motokos_ghost · 2021-04-12T14:17:57+00:00

my nvm ex used his fathers death as an excuse to treat me (no one else) like absolute garbage. he wasn't close too close to his dad but i understand his death from cancer to be a devastating thing. i was there for him to the best of my ability, aways checking up on him while he'd be short and ignore me for days. (not anyone else though, nothing for love and respect for his ''friends''). i mean i was having this internal monologue with myself, asking myself am i wrong here? i know death can be completely devastating. but why is he only ignoring me? why is he only treating me like this? it was almost as if he was purposely trying to hurt me. as if i was the cause of the death of his father. i felt nothing but vitriol from him all towards me, when i truly cared and i was there for him.

one day i just decided to send him a fb message. i asked if he was ok. he was said he was just frustrated. i said alright. four days later of straight radio silence from him (mega activity on socials though, following new girls,sex worker accounts) i asked him if he was mad at me, and he claimed i was just making this all about me and broke up with me right then and there. 2 years, and he broke up with me on messenger. simply because i asked if he was mad at me.

see i was a hardcore pickme at the time and trying to cOmMuNiCaTe during this grieving period of his. but because our breakup was during the same time as his fathers death, its been a mindfuck for me. if it really was my fault. i understand if he could've broke up with me face to face, in a more mature way, but the way he just ended it like that, even though he was so emotionally abusive throughout our whole relationship really cut me, to this day. it's been 8 months, i'm still hurting, even though he treated me like absolute shit.

i blocked and deleted, he sent me 2 emails with shitty apologies, saying he just wanted to be with his family and he was sorry how ''things went down.'' i didnt answer. i had the misfortune of seeing his FB profile pic even though he was blocked about 2 months after the break up. he was dressed up in a halloween costume like everything was fucking dandy. i didnt get it, i mean he was grieiving so much and then 2 months later you're dressing up for fucking halloween? the whole thing didnt make any sense.

sorry, im rambling. i'm just angry still.

burritogirl101 · 2021-04-12T08:49:19+00:00

Completely true. My grandfather died about 5 years ago after a sudden illness and his funeral was on new years eve. My ex came back to my parents house with me on December 27th and then left to go home on December 30th because "it was too intense and he thought it would be better to stay out of the way".

... Aaaand that was the beginning of the end really. He was never there for me when I needed someone.

ReddRedd777 · 2021-04-12T01:16:15+00:00

This has been my experience as well. Both of my parents passed away in quick succession. The effect it has had on the males in my life has been astounding. We do all deal with grief in our own ways but for some reason, the standard seems to be that they don't know how to support anyone during such a time and they don't know how to process any of it in a way that isn't also burdensome to others. Smh.

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2021-04-12T13:10:44+00:00

Absolutely. My last relationship ended because of this. I tried to be there for him and support him, but he just totally shut down and became a shell of a man. I gave it 6 months until I woke up and realized my needs weren’t getting met and even if things changed at some point, the next time something like this happened we would go down the same road. I remember thinking “what am I holding on to?” and I left. I wish him and his family the best but I couldn’t martyr myself.

2021-04-12T09:58:07+00:00

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Hikari3747 · 2021-04-12T17:42:24+00:00

100% agree.

My ex couldn't handle the stress I was under. I lost my job in November, my sister was diagnosed with leukemia and my dog was taken away because he got loose. I was able to get my dog back, but I was so afraid he was gone.

Dispite my life deciding to fall apart, I was strong stay clam, and still looked for jobs. I never made my problem his problems, yet he claimed about me being stressed. Did my sex drive drop, yes. Did I still have sex with him yes. I still keep the apartment clean and gave him attention.

Some home wrack slide her green card scammy ass into his dm. I never had an issues with my boyfriend having female friends but she planeted alot of problems and he stwrted emotionally cheating on me with her.

I didn't realize what was happening because I was working different temp jobs and applying to every job I could. I finally got a job!

I noticed my boyfriend being distant, and we both agreed to break up. He immediately got into an official relationship with the other girl. That when I realized what was happening. I call him out and he gaslighted me and deny everything.

What ever, I have a job and you don't. You're forced to move back into your parent house ans talking to a girl into another country who saying anything to get a green card. But that not my problem. ~

My sister is doing better and cancer free because we caught it early. However Chemo fucking sucks!

Radenoughyet · 2021-04-12T21:59:41+00:00

Our society doesn’t promote healthy expression of emotion in men so they do things that are counter productive like shut down, avoid the situation, and drink.

Title	Men can’t handle life changing events
Author	chelsTX
Upvotes	288
Comments	42
Date	April 12, 2021 12:52 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mp3ev0/men_cant_handle_life_changing_events/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-cant-handle-life-changing-events.1188879 https://theredarchive.com/post/1188879

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