Mixed signals means he’s not interested

Iamnotofmybody · 2020-08-12T03:41:09+00:00

I really wish I’d listened to more advice like this when I was torturing myself for 4 years of my life with an abusive, uncaring addict. Ugh, glad I’m here now though.

Pahapan · 2020-08-12T04:34:34+00:00

And no, him texting you nagging about when you'll hang out again isn't actually effort.

AnniaT · 2020-08-12T08:33:09+00:00

Agree. And even if he was interested, you don't want a troubled or emotionally stunted man that can't show you clear and direct effort and properly pursue and court you. We've all made excuses and kept it going with these men but it's fruitless. If you keep giving them girlfriend or sex benefits with men who give you mixed signals, they'll keep it going and stringing you along never properly committing or chasing you. Better leave the situation and find someone who doesnt show mixed signals.

munissa · 2020-08-12T05:19:25+00:00

Yup. You can tell immediately when someone is interested or not. It’s the amount of effort. Yes people have lives and get busy but you can still tell so don’t let them use that as an excuse. No one is that busy, even when I work 90+ hours a week, I still have time to respond to texts. Though I do forget to respond sometimes but if I care enough, I’ll respond.

pumpkin-escobarrr · 2020-08-12T05:14:31+00:00

So true! Wish i saw this back then. Would have saved me from all the bread crumbing and anxiety.

midge_rat · 2020-08-12T12:01:18+00:00

Effort is him mowing my lawn. Effort is him planning fun dates. Effort is him working extra hours so we can go on a trip.

Effort is not: constant texting, inviting me to “hang out”, telling me he “was gonna buy me flowers” 🙄

Rough-Tree · 2020-08-12T04:50:37+00:00

He's not 'that' into you.

manalitta88 · 2020-08-12T09:07:01+00:00

100%. low efforts ==> not that interested. Real interest is usually not confusing and does not give anxiety. On the first sign of mixed signals,cut your losses and move on. Check this out 9 most common mixed signals by men and their meaning

muricaxoxo · 2020-08-12T04:04:49+00:00

Thank you I need this 🙌

ErikaNaumann · 2020-08-12T12:50:01+00:00

True, and not just for romantic interests. Friends and family too.

uselesssdata · 2020-08-12T19:29:12+00:00

I also think sometimes the mixed signals can be a hesitation to make a fool of themselves. Sometimes, if they know they can't measure up to you - either lookswise, career, intelligence, or even just confidence, a man with a huge, fragile ego is going to be unwilling to stick his neck out with you because he will always feel less than. Men tend to be focused on power dynamics and hierarchy a lot more than women are. These are the types of guys who tend to seek out women they perceive as "less" than they are in any of the above areas (and then subsequently see that as a free pass to treat her like garbage). Happens quite a bit, I've noticed.

Bullet dodged, either way.

MademoiselleVache · 2020-08-12T14:57:11+00:00

So how do you cope when he seems to be putting in the effort, and then suddenly changes and becomes distant/grumpy/a LVM? I still feel really badly hurt by an experience like this (it was my first dating experience, actually). I'd thought I was being smart by waiting for "the right kind of guy" but my desperation got the better of me and I ignored my gut instinct and a few pretty vibrant red flags. I guess lesson learned: players don't have to be knockouts, they can be unkempt looking artsy types too. Actually, they're probably worse!

ms_monquis · 2020-08-12T15:10:03+00:00

It’s funny how clearly we know this about ourselves but are willing to not believe it in others.

You know how, when, and why you invest time and interest. Expect and believe that from the other people in your life. Don’t make excuses for people that THEY aren’t even making for themselves, and that you know wouldn’t be true for you.

2020-08-12T13:12:21+00:00

Oof I didn't notice the sub at first and felt very called out, sitting surrounded by about 2 dozen half finished projects. Guess I should get off my phone...

roverlover1111 · 2020-08-12T20:31:25+00:00

While I definitely agree for the most part, my ex and close friend has aspergers and severe social anxiety, so he is the only acception out of the men I’ve met who this doesn’t apply to. But yes, I generally agree, though I think anxiety/fear/mental health needs to be taken into account for some.

Title	Mixed signals means he’s not interested
Author	sourrolls
Upvotes	1810
Comments	40
Date	August 12, 2020 3:18 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i869gz/mixed_signals_means_hes_not_interested/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/mixed-signals-means-hes-not-interested.54950 https://theredarchive.com/post/54950

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