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tauruspiscescancer
[–][deleted] 222 points223 points224 points 5 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for including all emoji options that warms my heart 💕💕 We all need each other's support. All women - period.
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice158 points159 points160 points 5 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
Yess! I hate how devided we women are. I identify as a women before Identify as a white women. Cause guess what? Only women can understand the hardship I go through while men try to gaslight me that it is not that bad, of course other women like black women Asian women have it worse and that is because of their OWN men. No one kills and discriminates against women more than their own ethnicity,it is sad how women think men from the same ethnicity are closer to them than women from different ethnicity. We all have the same problem and that is male violence, for that to go away we need to put our differences aside and unite!
[–]tauruspiscescancerFDS Disciple[S] 157 points158 points159 points 5 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link
I actually really appreciate you saying this. I’m a Black woman and some days I identify with one more than the other because I am an oppressed person in terms of my race and my gender. Audre Lorde, one of my favorite Black feminists and poets wrote a book as a call to ALL women, white and BIPOC women, to come together to fight sexism. And if that fight against sexism doesn’t include a fight against racism as well, then it’s not a fight for everyone.
Edit: And she highlights women because she feels men are a lost cause. All colors of men are stuck in patriarchy and for that, we’ll be better off fighting alongside all other women than with any man.
[–]jeneprometsrienFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for sharing, going to check her out!
[–]tauruspiscescancerFDS Disciple[S] 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Yesss! The name of the book i alluded to in my other comment is called Sister Outsider!
[–]jeneprometsrienFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Oh perfect! I was looking for a new book, thanks😄
In other news Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is my favorite feminist. Thought I would share with you too 😊
[–]tauruspiscescancerFDS Disciple[S] 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yessss love my 🇳🇬 sister!! She’s amazing!
[–]jeneprometsrienFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OMG I absolutely love her! I love it here 🥰
[–]JesusisKingisLordFDS STRATEGY COACH1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She is such a queen!
[–]hydrohydrangeasFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for sharing! Definitely going to check this out 🙌
[–]not4prize2B1Throwaway Account0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the name, I am so adding her to my library list 💕
[–]JesusisKingisLordFDS STRATEGY COACH15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen! I'm a black woman as well. All men benefit from the patriarchy. I feel like black women are taught to bend over backwards for black men. We are out-educating and out-performing our male counterparts in droves.
[–]casuallycruelhonestyFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As a Latina woman, Amen!
[–][deleted] 31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I couldn't have said it better myself. I identify as a woman before being a white woman 100%!!! And you are right, my heart goes out to all the black and Asian Queens out there. They are the core of standing up for what we deserve! Low value men are everywhere, so the more of us stand up and work on ourselves, shit men will be tossed to the back. It's time to stop pick me culture among women.
[–]jeneprometsrienFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Beautifully said!
[+]ForkinshrdrPickmeisha™️-21 points-20 points-19 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lies! Stop speaking for women of color.
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am sorry? I didn't mean to speak for you, but I was just saying how we women should unite and support each other!
[–]illusion_believeAt-Risk Pick Me Youth34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes. It’s written in our DNA actually. The female is looking for the best mate since she only has one egg available. Look in nature how the male needs to seduce the female to prove himself.
It’s the same for us
[–]Sea_SoilFDS Apprentice12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The egg don't swim to the sperm!!
[–]RavenWudgieRose3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And even if a sperm managed to be the first one to get to the egg, she can still reject that sperm!
[–]textbasedpanda104 points105 points106 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Don't date until you feel powerful enough to do the picking.
[–]Cheesepops6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
P R E A C H
[–]leeser115 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is everything! Short and sweet I love it :)
[–]JesusisKingisLordFDS STRATEGY COACH4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Word to the wise!
[–]youdipthongFDS Newbie40 points41 points42 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Keke Palmer is such a queen honestly
[–]livelyfire4FDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Loooool keke been on it these days, she's right lol.
[–]Civil_Emotion5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In nature, women are always the primary pickers because they are more valuable than men. Society DEPENDS on women yet somehow humans got it backwards.
[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago (44 children) | Copy Link
What if this doesn’t feel like it’s true, as much as I want to believe it?
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice93 points94 points95 points 5 years ago (28 children) | Copy Link
Well we are basically just animals and who does the picking in the animal kingdom? Exactly the female. You are the one who chooses which gene you pass on, you are the one who can get alot of men's attention just by existing. Believe it or not men don't have women lined up to be picked, it is you who have alot of men lined up and you pick the one you like the most. You are biologically and naturally the picker and men are the one who must compete for you. But sadly because of patriarchy men have made sure that women needed a man to survive and had to settle for a man she didn't even like, and of course when we look it that way men are the pickers but just because they have restricted women from being able to survive on her own. But thankfully that you don't need a man to survive today you have got back your natural position to be the picker back.
[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 47 points48 points49 points 5 years ago* (27 children) | Copy Link
I don’t have men lined up, lol. The one guy that I thought was a hvm and interested in me hasn’t texted me for a week. I’m done with him but it’s just discouraging. As much as I want to say that I’m ok with being single and don’t need a man who doesn’t deserve me, I hate it. I don’t have hardly any male attention at all, and I feel like I’m going to be alone forever because no one would want to commit to me. Part of why I joined this sub was to help me change my mindset but it’s really discouraging. I don’t have a lot of men to pick from at all.
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice109 points110 points111 points 5 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link
Please refrain from dating as long as your mindset is like this. Your setting yourself up to be exploited by your partner if you date now. Try to boost your self esteem, believe me male attention isn't great and if you think so remember that when you get a male attention, he is only looking for sex and thinks of you as his test sex doll to try all his depraved porn induced "kinks"on, this the majority of the men today, only very small amount of men are worth dating. Try to improve your self esteem, looks and fashion. It may help. But first your self esteem. I know 100% sure that you are gorgeous women! Don't let anyone make you feel lesser.
How old are you?
[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
I’m 24... I know I need to work on myself but let’s face it... we all have a deep innate longing for love and belonging, and my friends and family fill some, but definitely not all of that. I want to have a husband and family, and before I am too old to have kids. I’m tired of feeling alone and like there’s something wrong with me. Guys often tell me I’m cute and beautiful, blah blah blah but no one wants to commit to me and treat me like I know I should be. I would be an incredible girlfriend to anyone, I worry that I’m what a lot of people would call a “f3mc3l” but then again, I’m trying to not give a damn about what anyone else thinks. I’ve had boyfriends, but they always treat me like shit and they come back to me when the relationship is over, and of course I don’t let them back in, but I wonder why men see my worth, but won’t commit to me. I know I’m not the only young woman in this situation, but honestly some days I feel like I’m genuinely losing the will to live at this point. People say, “oh you’re so young, give it time” but they don’t know that I’m also an only child who’s struggled with feeling lonely her entire life, and I’m part of a religious minority that puts enormous pressure on young women to marry within the faith. I want to marry someone who shares my beliefs, but the fact is, it feels unrealistic.
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice48 points49 points50 points 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
You have plenty of the time, don't stress about not getting children. Believe me once you start focusing on yourself and feel happy with yourself, you will easily find a partner. You should try to look somewhere else if you can't find a partner in your town. Try old. And please don't say things like "I make a perfect girlfriend to anyone" it comes off as if you will do everything for them and not letting them do anything for you, and also it sounds kind of desperate you will only attract the bad kind of guys who want to take advantage of you, while they will not even commit to you. Again please work first on your self esteem. Try doing things that make you happy, find new hobbies, make great friends and in the mean time search for a partner but don't make that your priority.
[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
I have tried old recently, the guy I went on two dates with about two weeks ago, who seemed to be a hvm and was very well mannered, respectful and engaging on our dates, said he’s been “busy” and stressed with school the other day (guess what buddy, I am too!). After our second date, he said he’d let me know when our third date would be. He hasn’t yet, so I’ve given up. People are telling me to be more patient but I don’t want to be. It’s not worth the mental anguish and game playing.
I would never tell a guy that I’d be an incredible girlfriend. If he doesn’t see that, it’s on him and I’d never explain that to him. My girl friends and mom have told me that, and I know it’s true. I’m genuine and make my expectations clear, but I highly doubt I come across as desperate to anyone.
I’m tired of focusing on myself. It goes against my nature and I’m already getting my master’s, working, and trying to see friends here and there. I have hobbies I engage in and I cook for myself, trying to get back into working out, and general self care. I guess I’m just impatient? I fucking hate feeling like I’m never good enough for anyone, when I know that I’m actually too good for them. And then worrying if I’m coming off as conceited and/or desperate at the same time? Idk. I just want to be genuinely loved and committed to by a good man. That’s it, why is it so hard? Why aren’t my other accomplishments enough for me? Why do I feel like I’d rather have a boyfriend than a master’s degree?
[–]textbasedpanda25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I just want to be genuinely loved and committed to by a good man. That’s it, why is it so hard?
There's simply not many good men out there. It's hard to find one.
Why do I feel like I’d rather have a boyfriend than a master’s degree?
This is the real important question. A lot of girls are taught to grow up to be wives and mothers only, not to get a master's degree. Does that apply to you or do you think it's something else in your case?
[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No, my family is very supportive of me getting my degree, but I’m also an only child and my parents are getting older. They make comments about how they’re noticing little kids more and how cute they are. My mom has a younger friend from church, who has toddlers and my mom just loves her kids, it hurts my heart because I wish I could give them their own grandchildren. I literally cried one time about it. My parents haven’t put any direct pressure on me, they say I have lots of time and to focus on being my best self right now, they didn’t get married until they were 29/30, but I don’t want to wait that long. I’m losing hope that I’ll ever get what I want, my soul’s deepest longing... to love and be loved and committed to by someone who truly loves me the way I love him. Since I was little, I dreamed of it. And now reality is b!tchslapping me in the face.
[–]textbasedpanda11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah it is a harsh toke when you fully realize the reality of today's dating world, especially if you've been dreaming of a loving relationship since you were a kid.
There's nothing wrong with wanting a marriage and children over a master's degree. Ignore anyone who shames you for wanting to be a "traditional" woman. You want whatever it is you want.
The problem is that most males are not family material and it takes (lots) of time to go through all the trash, so to speak.
Ultimately your parents are correct- you DO have lots of time to achieve your education AND relationship goals, and get married by age 29/30. (Not easy but doable!)
At at least you've realized what you want while you're very young. And even if you end up changing your mind in the next decade or so, you'll still have a Master's degree!
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Please dont feel like that that is what men WANT you to feel like, I know from the way you talk that you been exposed to the "women nature is wanting kids and a man no degree makes her happy ect.". That is not true, just look at relationships advice on reddit or breaking moms, do you want to be like that women? That is the men who are out there, with exception of course but exceptions don't make a rule. I am proud of you for getting your master degree! Anything is better than having to be independent on a man. You NEED to work on your self esteem, not only your body and don't wait for a man to reply just simply block and delete. You can go back on old and you will have plenty men to pick from. But I really would suggest to work on your self esteem and self love.
[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I do genuinely want a man and kids though. I don’t want that because I’m “supposed to,” I want it because I want it. Even a steady boyfriend is what I want right now, marriage and kids can come later. I’m just fucking lonely. Period
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I’m just fucking lonely. Period
Try fostering/adopting animals. It would do you some good to direct your focus on doing something right now.
[–]caoutchouck3 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Yeah, I’d love to but right now, it’s not really an option. Thanks for the idea though.
[–]SayNad1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
At least a pet fish?
[–]caoutchouck2 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Lol, I actually adopted two fish from a friend who couldn’t care for them anymore and they died... idk what I did wrong but I felt bad about it 😭
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As you said, you can easily date men but you don't want just a man right? If you keep feeling like this you may end up dating a lvm. You have to work on the way you feel about yourself and that being alone just doesn't mean loneliness. I would say start to do yoga, meditation and read books about self love. It can really improve your life, and when it is time a hvm will come into your life.
[–]illusion_believeAt-Risk Pick Me Youth0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can never work on yourself too much. There is no limit. What you need right now is a therapist
[–]squaremarshmallowFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I completely feel your pain. I'm also 24 and from a religious minority group that expects women to be married basically as soon as they hit their 20s. Being single is a problem to be prayed away as far as they are concerned. You need to find a way to live on your terms and really see yourself, not just the person you should be. If you didn't have a masters degree, good job or were not part of that religion, who would you be? Strip away all you identities for a moment and get to know that person that is left. That person is the real you and that person doesn't need another human being to choose her to be valuable and loved. She just is. Then you can start to recognize how the ideas you have been fed from society, religion and family have damaged your core sense of self and begin to rebuild yourself.
[–]la_zarzamoraFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I remember being 24. That shit sucked. I'm 30 now and am worlds away from where I was back then. So much more wisdom and confidence. Honestly most of my 20s sucked. Hang in there and try to focus on you. I'm not saying to give up your desire to have a relationship and be totally happy alone forever - but while romantic relationships are important, they aren't EVERYTHING. If you find and walk your own path that makes you feel happy and healthy, you'll meet the right person along the way. It sounds like being in the religious community you're in is putting a lot of pressure on you to do the whole "get married now or you'll be all washed up by the time you're 30" but that is absolutely not objective reality. Tons of women find their partners and have kids at age 30 and beyond - just read the threads on r/AskWomenOver30.
[–]crescent_loon6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I remember being 24.
It was right at the age where my on-the-grind friends took off into promising positions beyond entry wage, others had just gotten married with the fanfare of their families (some are even still married now), some had saved from a few years at home with their parents and were now putting that money towards travel and further education.
And me? I had almost died in a freak accident, one that took a toll on my mental and physical health, my looks, my opportunities and my jobs.
It's all random. Cut down on the social media because that's also pain shopping.
You're a lot younger than you think, in the sense of still feeling on the wrong foot. Use this time to really get in touch with yourself, and what you want from yourself.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you 🤗
[–]illusion_believeAt-Risk Pick Me Youth1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m sorry about the pain you feel. But the mindset that you have here, is not a mindset of a HVW that wants to attract a HVM.
[–]saint-jezebelFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You need to start your mental level up. SheraSeven1 has two videos called “defeated and level up don’t mix” and the second one is “why you can’t stop seeking validation from men”. If you can get through at least half of the videos lol, it can help you with your mental level up. I will watch her videos from beginning to end because she drops gems all throughout her videos, but you don’t need too much (if you can’t).
[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the advice, I’ll look her up!
You have men that want you. They are just not high value. This is why we create this sub. We focus on HV offers only
[–]vereelimeeFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
Give it some time. When you internalize FDS, your outward attitude changes and people notice.
If you use OLD, then it's more obvious. You'll still attract LVM but when you find someone that has dating potential you will ask yourself if you like him. If you don't, then you block and delete.
It's all about standards and not tolerating low effort. You don't respond. You don't explain. You just block.
I won't settle for someone that is bored and only cares about his needs. It's not worth my time or effort. It takes a while to reset your boundaries and standards. There is still trial and error to go through. It's worth the effort to regain control of your dating life.
[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link
I totally agree.... but the fact is that there’s not even a lot of prospects to even sift through... how can I turn men down if they don’t exist in my area? It doesn’t help that I’m part of a religious minority and the pressure to marry within my religion from my family is astronomically high. Pretty much every other woman my age I know is either married or has a boyfriend.
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Don't go into relationship because it expected of you and don't go into relationship to feel good about yourself. Once you view relationship as some kind of validation you need it will do you more harm than good. Find yourself, find things you like to do, get your degree if you can, make sure you don't need a man and once you feel content with yourself, you can start looking for a partner.
[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
I’m getting my master’s degree now and I have many interests. But my human need for love and belonging and wanting to be a mother is unfulfilled. That’s the painful bottom line.
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Wow you are so amazing! It is my dream to get a master degree! You are just done with university love, don't stress you really have plenty of time. After you have gotten a great job, you can travel the world and maybe meet your future partner, but also you can meet him on your job or outside of it. Don't give up hope you are young, smart and beautiful! You will definitely find a partner.
I would like to know, Which religion do you have?
[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for the encouragement. I don’t feel comfortable talking more about my religion but it is a significant factor in my life that I don’t want to change. Also, yeah grad school is an accomplishment but what I truly want most of all is love. That’s basically my bottom line.
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
If you are Muslim it may be that some men arent trying with you because they know they won't get sex out of you (which is great, the trash are weeding themselves out) And if you have Christianity is the same if you are strict one. Can people see which religion you are? I can only think of these things now. But most likely it may be because they know you are too good for them❤️
[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, I think it’s both of those things, also most guys my age in my area are already “taken.” Also, I’m picky, which I have every right to be. I could easily be dating someone I don’t really like.... but I’m not going to do that. Thanks again for your comments.
[–]Alma00019Pickmeisha™️11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You started this comment thread by saying that it doesn't feel like women do the picking. But you just said that you "could easily be dating someone I don’t really like.... but I’m not going to do that"
So, you've admitted and proven to yourself that women ARE the ones who do the picking. You HAVE been picking your mates by the very fact that you have been refusing them. All those men WOULD be with you, even if just to have sex. So, men aren't the ones picking, you are the one who is doing the picky. The fact that you haven't found a man you wanted to pick doesn't negate the fact that you - and all women - do in fact do the picking.
So take confidence in that.
There are many trash men out there. But you do the picking. Eventually you will find a man worth picking. Just remember to keep your worth and don't lower your standards.
But I want to find a man that I will pick... I guess having no good options doesn’t really feel like a choice at all. But you made a good point, thank you.
[–]Alma000195 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I get that, and I 1000% understand and sympathize. I completely understood your desire for love and I don't think it's weird or weak or whatever for you to want that.
It's just a sad truth that there are very few worthwhile men. But if you focus on yourself, on your sense of self-worth and confidence and knowing that you deserve a good guy and refusing to settle for all the shit LVM pull, and if you stay true yourself, open, honest, vulnerable but strong, eventually you will find one.
Just remember that while you have to stay strong, vet men RUTHLESSLY, always remember your worth and what you deserve, you still have stay open and vulnerable -- because a HVM man will want a woman he can truly connect with. It's a tall order - I know. Being strong yet yielding, confident and unwavering in knowing your worth and your boundaries, but being open to accepting another person fully. In the past, women didn't have to be like this. They were protected and there were social systems in place that made finding a HVM much easier.
I can tell that you're different - even if there were plenty of HVM running around, it would still be more difficult for you to find someone for YOU, simply because you're different.
You're part of a religious minority and you don't want to leave it; you want to find a man to understands and accepts (and ideally probably even is a part of your religion), but you don't seem to be very dogmatic or at least you don't seem to be mindlessly following it. You seem to have a sensitivity and are a free thinker. Free thinkers are hard to find regardless. But free thinkers who also are part of your religion are even harder. But, I believe there is a man out there for you.
I would write down a list of characteristics you want your ideal man to have. Write down all of them - this should be a long list. I would't focus on minor details that you don't really care about. But focus on personality, ways of looking at the world, etc. This will help crystalize in your mind who you are looking for.
If you are still doing OLD, write a dating profile that you think this man that you have written down would be attracted to. Don't bother with generic things like "I like hiking, traveling, and reading." or "I'm looking for someone serious who likes art." Try to SHOW your personality in your profile, rather than telling us.
If you aren't doing OLD, still try to think of what your ideal man is looking for, where he might go during his spare time, what he likes to do, where he spends his free time, where he lives, where he works (maybe you start getting your coffee in coffee shops in that area).
Again, this is NOT trying to be something you're not just to attract a man. It's knowing what you're looking for, and actively placing yourself in situations where a man like that might cross your path.
Maybe you can join clubs, youth groups, or discussion groups around your religion. These don't even have to be local. Join discussion groups on Facebook or online. There might be men there who think a little differently/more deeply and so aren't the ones rushing to get married just because your religion tells them to as soon as they turn 18.
But don't force anything. If you're currently in a small city/town, you might have to move somewhere to find a HVM you truly connect with. So keep that mind. Maybe after you finish your masters you will have opportunities to move to a bigger city, or even just somewhere else, where you will find someone.
Anyway, I know I've been kind of rambling, but I hope you find some help in here.
[–]caoutchouck1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Honestly, you make a lot of good points. Thanks again.
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I am glad that you know your worth by not dating someone below you! And no problem, you will find your hvm soon, just make sure you take care of yourself mentally and physically okay? Prioritize yourself always. Remember a hvm is an extra in your life he should not be your life. I am glad that I could help you in anyway❤️
[–]vereelimeeFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That is difficult.
However, I want to ask you why you are considering anything but your own happiness?
You can always make changes to your lifestyle. You can find a job somewhere outside of the peer pressure. Don't forget, you get to choose what you want to do as an adult.
It may feel nearly impossible to escape a controlling family or religion. I don't want to assume either is harming you, but if that is the case, then ask yourself if you really want to stay there.
I don't know what your life is like but I do know that if you do not feel emotionally, mentally, physically or financially secure, then it is in your best interest to change until you feel secure.
I've heard from other ladies that peer pressure is crazy intense from parents. Some may be from love and some may be from wanting control and power. If it's the latter, then getting back control may be worth considering as a long term goal. If it's based on love, then a conversation is needed so you can be on the same page. Your parents can be your best advocates and may be able to help you find a HVM.
Do what is best for you.
[–]Eskim03 points4 points5 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Getting picked should be mutual, not a zero sum game. A better message would be: Okay, he picked you - but do you pick him? Are YOUR wants and needs being met? Don't let male validation cloud your judgment.
[–]buttercupsparklesFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I need this reminder EVERY DAMN DAY because it is so difficult to not settle in a world where 99% of the men around me are mediocre at best.
[–]Kalipie231 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
PERIOD. Also, we don't compete with other women for men. Men compete for us.
[–]featherflowersFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Saving this post for all the reading list recommendations and extracurricular activities of people I need to look into. Love this Queens ❤️❤️❤️👑
[–]hakunnamatatamfsFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Reframe your mindset. Getting a hvm is not the prize. You are the prize. You need to be happy on your own, independent and enough on your own first. Yeah having a great partner can be amazing but a woman who is happy on her own knows that if she doesn't find a hvm is not the end of the world. If you find an hvm and for some reason you two break up its not the end of the world either You need to work first and foremost on feeling complete by yourself.
[–]Darthsage890 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yes totally agree.
[–]ultrajulesThrowaway Account0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I needed to hear this. Love this subreddit. Does anyone know how I get a flair? I'm a FDS newbie.
[–]AyemHerselfFDS Disciple[M] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
User flairs are assigned by mods at our discretion. Until then, we have a mod queue for comments. This is done to keep out trolls, of which there are many.
[–]TigersEvergreen0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is such a lie...
...she knows EXACTLY who needs to hear this.
[–]Seagull9770 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
All girls and all women need to hear and be taught this. It is how I was raised and how I am raising my daughter. I come from a long line of strong and independent women and will continue to pass this on to the next generation. Women’s rights are being eroded and confused more than ever before, now is the time for all women to unite, identify first as woman and stop with the ‘pick me’ culture that has been encouraged in recent years.
[–]rcotton96FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes!!! This is why I always had an easy time dating around- the stakes of each date felt so low to me. I was always thinking is this person worth my time? Do I like them??? I never had any doubts that they wouldn’t like me (and don’t really care either way at that point in getting to know someone). It wasn’t until my first date w my current HV partner that I had a moment of “oh shit this is what it feels like to want someone to like me”. 2 years later and he just passed the bar to be a lawyer, has his own lovely apartment with a view, and takes care of me (and my dog!!) in so many ways. Very glad we picked eachother.
[–]FashionTech537FDS Newbie-2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
As much as I agree with this.
I did comment on FDS about this and got told that it’s better if men approach you because it shows they are interested?
They both contradict 🤷♀️
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Men approach and you pick the best one. It is how it goes naturally, but men have messed with it by making women dependent on men to survive which gave men te option to pick and the women had to hope to be picked. But gladly we don't need men to survive anymore. Let them approach and pick one you like the most.
[–]FashionTech537FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Makes more sense - thank you :)
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No problem!
[–]Microwave79FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I see it as picking the best man for a relationship or "for the job"
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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