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Period. 👸🏾👸🏼👸🏽👸🏿👸🏻

tauruspiscescancer

October 14, 2020

2257 upvotes

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

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Post Information

Title	Period. 👸🏾👸🏼👸🏽👸🏿👸🏻
Author	tauruspiscescancer
Upvotes	2257
Comments	87
Date	October 14, 2020 1:04 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jb09qt/period/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/period.737054 https://theredarchive.com/post/737054

Comments

[–][deleted] 222 points223 points224 points 5 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link

[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice158 points159 points160 points 5 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link

[–]tauruspiscescancerFDS Disciple[S] 157 points158 points159 points 5 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]jeneprometsrienFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]tauruspiscescancerFDS Disciple[S] 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]jeneprometsrienFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]tauruspiscescancerFDS Disciple[S] 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]jeneprometsrienFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]JesusisKingisLordFDS STRATEGY COACH1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]not4prize2B1Throwaway Account0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]JesusisKingisLordFDS STRATEGY COACH15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]casuallycruelhonestyFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]jeneprometsrienFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[+]ForkinshrdrPickmeisha™️-21 points-20 points-19 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]illusion_believeAt-Risk Pick Me Youth34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sea_SoilFDS Apprentice12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RavenWudgieRose3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]JesusisKingisLordFDS STRATEGY COACH4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Civil_Emotion5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago (44 children) | Copy Link

[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice93 points94 points95 points 5 years ago (28 children) | Copy Link

Well we are basically just animals and who does the picking in the animal kingdom? Exactly the female. You are the one who chooses which gene you pass on, you are the one who can get alot of men's attention just by existing. Believe it or not men don't have women lined up to be picked, it is you who have alot of men lined up and you pick the one you like the most. You are biologically and naturally the picker and men are the one who must compete for you. But sadly because of patriarchy men have made sure that women needed a man to survive and had to settle for a man she didn't even like, and of course when we look it that way men are the pickers but just because they have restricted women from being able to survive on her own. But thankfully that you don't need a man to survive today you have got back your natural position to be the picker back.

[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 47 points48 points49 points 5 years ago* (27 children) | Copy Link

[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice109 points110 points111 points 5 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link

[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link

I’m 24... I know I need to work on myself but let’s face it... we all have a deep innate longing for love and belonging, and my friends and family fill some, but definitely not all of that. I want to have a husband and family, and before I am too old to have kids. I’m tired of feeling alone and like there’s something wrong with me. Guys often tell me I’m cute and beautiful, blah blah blah but no one wants to commit to me and treat me like I know I should be. I would be an incredible girlfriend to anyone, I worry that I’m what a lot of people would call a “f3mc3l” but then again, I’m trying to not give a damn about what anyone else thinks. I’ve had boyfriends, but they always treat me like shit and they come back to me when the relationship is over, and of course I don’t let them back in, but I wonder why men see my worth, but won’t commit to me. I know I’m not the only young woman in this situation, but honestly some days I feel like I’m genuinely losing the will to live at this point. People say, “oh you’re so young, give it time” but they don’t know that I’m also an only child who’s struggled with feeling lonely her entire life, and I’m part of a religious minority that puts enormous pressure on young women to marry within the faith. I want to marry someone who shares my beliefs, but the fact is, it feels unrealistic.

[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice48 points49 points50 points 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

I have tried old recently, the guy I went on two dates with about two weeks ago, who seemed to be a hvm and was very well mannered, respectful and engaging on our dates, said he’s been “busy” and stressed with school the other day (guess what buddy, I am too!). After our second date, he said he’d let me know when our third date would be. He hasn’t yet, so I’ve given up. People are telling me to be more patient but I don’t want to be. It’s not worth the mental anguish and game playing.

I would never tell a guy that I’d be an incredible girlfriend. If he doesn’t see that, it’s on him and I’d never explain that to him. My girl friends and mom have told me that, and I know it’s true. I’m genuine and make my expectations clear, but I highly doubt I come across as desperate to anyone.

I’m tired of focusing on myself. It goes against my nature and I’m already getting my master’s, working, and trying to see friends here and there. I have hobbies I engage in and I cook for myself, trying to get back into working out, and general self care. I guess I’m just impatient? I fucking hate feeling like I’m never good enough for anyone, when I know that I’m actually too good for them. And then worrying if I’m coming off as conceited and/or desperate at the same time? Idk. I just want to be genuinely loved and committed to by a good man. That’s it, why is it so hard? Why aren’t my other accomplishments enough for me? Why do I feel like I’d rather have a boyfriend than a master’s degree?

[–]textbasedpanda25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

No, my family is very supportive of me getting my degree, but I’m also an only child and my parents are getting older. They make comments about how they’re noticing little kids more and how cute they are. My mom has a younger friend from church, who has toddlers and my mom just loves her kids, it hurts my heart because I wish I could give them their own grandchildren. I literally cried one time about it. My parents haven’t put any direct pressure on me, they say I have lots of time and to focus on being my best self right now, they didn’t get married until they were 29/30, but I don’t want to wait that long. I’m losing hope that I’ll ever get what I want, my soul’s deepest longing... to love and be loved and committed to by someone who truly loves me the way I love him. Since I was little, I dreamed of it. And now reality is b!tchslapping me in the face.

[–]textbasedpanda11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah it is a harsh toke when you fully realize the reality of today's dating world, especially if you've been dreaming of a loving relationship since you were a kid.

There's nothing wrong with wanting a marriage and children over a master's degree. Ignore anyone who shames you for wanting to be a "traditional" woman. You want whatever it is you want.

The problem is that most males are not family material and it takes (lots) of time to go through all the trash, so to speak.

Ultimately your parents are correct- you DO have lots of time to achieve your education AND relationship goals, and get married by age 29/30. (Not easy but doable!)

At at least you've realized what you want while you're very young. And even if you end up changing your mind in the next decade or so, you'll still have a Master's degree!

[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]SayNadFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]caoutchouck3 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]SayNad1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]caoutchouck2 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]illusion_believeAt-Risk Pick Me Youth0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]squaremarshmallowFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I completely feel your pain. I'm also 24 and from a religious minority group that expects women to be married basically as soon as they hit their 20s. Being single is a problem to be prayed away as far as they are concerned. You need to find a way to live on your terms and really see yourself, not just the person you should be. If you didn't have a masters degree, good job or were not part of that religion, who would you be? Strip away all you identities for a moment and get to know that person that is left. That person is the real you and that person doesn't need another human being to choose her to be valuable and loved. She just is. Then you can start to recognize how the ideas you have been fed from society, religion and family have damaged your core sense of self and begin to rebuild yourself.

[–]la_zarzamoraFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I remember being 24. That shit sucked. I'm 30 now and am worlds away from where I was back then. So much more wisdom and confidence. Honestly most of my 20s sucked. Hang in there and try to focus on you. I'm not saying to give up your desire to have a relationship and be totally happy alone forever - but while romantic relationships are important, they aren't EVERYTHING. If you find and walk your own path that makes you feel happy and healthy, you'll meet the right person along the way. It sounds like being in the religious community you're in is putting a lot of pressure on you to do the whole "get married now or you'll be all washed up by the time you're 30" but that is absolutely not objective reality. Tons of women find their partners and have kids at age 30 and beyond - just read the threads on r/AskWomenOver30.

[–]crescent_loon6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[+][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]illusion_believeAt-Risk Pick Me Youth1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]saint-jezebelFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]illusion_believeAt-Risk Pick Me Youth1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]vereelimeeFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

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[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]caoutchouckFDS Newbie[🍰] 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]Alma00019Pickmeisha™️11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

You started this comment thread by saying that it doesn't feel like women do the picking. But you just said that you "could easily be dating someone I don’t really like.... but I’m not going to do that"

So, you've admitted and proven to yourself that women ARE the ones who do the picking. You HAVE been picking your mates by the very fact that you have been refusing them. All those men WOULD be with you, even if just to have sex. So, men aren't the ones picking, you are the one who is doing the picky. The fact that you haven't found a man you wanted to pick doesn't negate the fact that you - and all women - do in fact do the picking.

So take confidence in that.

There are many trash men out there. But you do the picking. Eventually you will find a man worth picking. Just remember to keep your worth and don't lower your standards.

[–]caoutchouck2 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]Alma000195 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I get that, and I 1000% understand and sympathize. I completely understood your desire for love and I don't think it's weird or weak or whatever for you to want that.

It's just a sad truth that there are very few worthwhile men. But if you focus on yourself, on your sense of self-worth and confidence and knowing that you deserve a good guy and refusing to settle for all the shit LVM pull, and if you stay true yourself, open, honest, vulnerable but strong, eventually you will find one.

Just remember that while you have to stay strong, vet men RUTHLESSLY, always remember your worth and what you deserve, you still have stay open and vulnerable -- because a HVM man will want a woman he can truly connect with. It's a tall order - I know. Being strong yet yielding, confident and unwavering in knowing your worth and your boundaries, but being open to accepting another person fully. In the past, women didn't have to be like this. They were protected and there were social systems in place that made finding a HVM much easier.

I can tell that you're different - even if there were plenty of HVM running around, it would still be more difficult for you to find someone for YOU, simply because you're different.

You're part of a religious minority and you don't want to leave it; you want to find a man to understands and accepts (and ideally probably even is a part of your religion), but you don't seem to be very dogmatic or at least you don't seem to be mindlessly following it. You seem to have a sensitivity and are a free thinker. Free thinkers are hard to find regardless. But free thinkers who also are part of your religion are even harder. But, I believe there is a man out there for you.

I would write down a list of characteristics you want your ideal man to have. Write down all of them - this should be a long list. I would't focus on minor details that you don't really care about. But focus on personality, ways of looking at the world, etc. This will help crystalize in your mind who you are looking for.

If you are still doing OLD, write a dating profile that you think this man that you have written down would be attracted to. Don't bother with generic things like "I like hiking, traveling, and reading." or "I'm looking for someone serious who likes art." Try to SHOW your personality in your profile, rather than telling us.

If you aren't doing OLD, still try to think of what your ideal man is looking for, where he might go during his spare time, what he likes to do, where he spends his free time, where he lives, where he works (maybe you start getting your coffee in coffee shops in that area).

Again, this is NOT trying to be something you're not just to attract a man. It's knowing what you're looking for, and actively placing yourself in situations where a man like that might cross your path.

Maybe you can join clubs, youth groups, or discussion groups around your religion. These don't even have to be local. Join discussion groups on Facebook or online. There might be men there who think a little differently/more deeply and so aren't the ones rushing to get married just because your religion tells them to as soon as they turn 18.

But don't force anything. If you're currently in a small city/town, you might have to move somewhere to find a HVM you truly connect with. So keep that mind. Maybe after you finish your masters you will have opportunities to move to a bigger city, or even just somewhere else, where you will find someone.

Anyway, I know I've been kind of rambling, but I hope you find some help in here.

[–]caoutchouck1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]caoutchouck2 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]vereelimeeFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

That is difficult.

However, I want to ask you why you are considering anything but your own happiness?

You can always make changes to your lifestyle. You can find a job somewhere outside of the peer pressure. Don't forget, you get to choose what you want to do as an adult.

It may feel nearly impossible to escape a controlling family or religion. I don't want to assume either is harming you, but if that is the case, then ask yourself if you really want to stay there.

I don't know what your life is like but I do know that if you do not feel emotionally, mentally, physically or financially secure, then it is in your best interest to change until you feel secure.

I've heard from other ladies that peer pressure is crazy intense from parents. Some may be from love and some may be from wanting control and power. If it's the latter, then getting back control may be worth considering as a long term goal. If it's based on love, then a conversation is needed so you can be on the same page. Your parents can be your best advocates and may be able to help you find a HVM.

Do what is best for you.

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