Please, share your HVM stories/ relationships

lollykpops · 2020-11-22T23:58:41+00:00

I'd also be interested to hear! At 26 I have resigned myself to the idea that I will be single for the rest of my life.

BiscuitWoof · 2020-11-23T02:39:33+00:00

I’m engaged to my HVM.

Some HVM stuff: - works hard on his career, fast promotions, no problems with his coworkers who all respect him. He always says how he wants to earn a lot so that I have the freedom to go part time if I wanted to once we have children. - cooks every meal for us and meal preps my lunch for work during the week. Cooks fresh dinner after work every night. Always asks me what I want to eat and factors in my taste (for example, I didn’t want to eat this dish he was planning on making for the week, he made a big batch of another dish for me that I like) - treats me with gifts and surprises all the time that I mention in passing that I want. For example, I mentioned to him that I was buying my friend a makeup product and I thought it was really nice. He then logged into my makeup store account (he guessed my password) to buy it from my account so that I could accrue the points for the loyalty program and purchased it for me as a surprise. - looks after our pets. He does all the walking, trimming, grooming, cleaning and organisation of food. - looks after our plants and huge garden. He does the lawn mowing, hedge trimming, weed pulling, landscaping, etc - drives us everywhere including long cross country drives. I don’t like to drive. - tidies and cleans the house - never pressures me sexually - tells me I look beautiful every day in no makeup, dirty hair etc - kind, caring and generous to my parents as well as his own family - continues to plan dates for us even though we have been together long term - does not have any social media and never watches porn - maintains strong relationships with his male best friends

By the way, I’m not saying my SO is perfect. We all have our own flaws. But if a man truly loves you, it will show.

morrigan1618 · 2020-11-23T00:18:48+00:00

Super pregnant woman here (due date was 5 days ago). My husband is great. He does 99% of the household chores since I'm basically too big to move lol. He gets our toddlers up every morning, fed and changed before he leaves for work so I can sleep in. He comes home after work and takes care of toy cleanup, dishes, dinner, etc. On the weekends when he is off work he does 99% of the childcare, all the laundry and deep cleans the house. He is taking 3 months of paternity leave when this baby comes. He will do the majority of the nighttime feeds so I can rest and recover.

I have never nagged, made chore charts or any of that ridiculous shit. He just handles what needs to be done.

Also, I'm a SAHM. He pays for 100% of everything.

2020-11-23T01:37:14+00:00

At least four of my coworkers. The way they treat and speak of women, and how they are still courting their wives even though they have been married for many years now, it's just so heartwarming. I'm the only woman in our department and those four are my favorite. They also give me dating advice from men's perspective and sometimes during a date I'd catch myself thinking "Scott would say this guy is full of shit and AJ would tell me to politely excuse myself and leave"

ThrowawayKITTY777 · 2020-11-23T01:51:16+00:00

I'm dating one for the first time in my life and it's.... an eye opener.

I was burnt out and determined to not ever date again when I met him... and despite the physical and mental attraction I had for him the first 10 minutes of knowing him... I went into dating him just waiting for him to screw up and annoy me. For the first four months, I held back from getting too invested in case he turned out bad...but he didn't.

He just kept on being awesome and not pushing too much.

Plus all the things he did right kept adding up to me seeing myself being happy WITH him.

He's the only guy who heard my "No sex without trading clean STD tests" rule and said "That's smart" and not only did he not whine and try to talk me out of it he actually set up his own test. Previously I'd done the legwork for that in every single relationship.

He took my debilitating injury in stride and immediately after I revealed what I had to go through to fake walking normal he started dropping me at the doors of places and driving us everywhere and doing a bunch of little things all the time so I could rest my leg.

He made friends with my cats, it's a huge deal to me, because one of my floof-children came to me abused, hates men, trusts nobody and he spent all year working on her trust and now she's decided he's a safe person and lets him hold her.

He said early on that he wanted a "forever future" with me and would marry me if I decided I wanted it.

I just had a big surgery to fix my leg recently... went out on a limb and trusted he'd be my backup.... and he has been... he's been staying over doing all the cleaning and cat caring and cooking for us and really being THERE for me physically and mentally. This was really the last test for me.... how he handled low, stressful bad times like major health stuff. He's been wonderful.

He's unfailingly caring, sweet and romantic, respectful... day in day out, when his work gives him a shit day, when his allergies kick in... there's been NO Jekyll and Hyde he's just always the same person.

We haven't had any fights...he hasn't given me reason to be seriously angry yet.... if I say something bugs me or I don't like something he just says "OK sweetheart, I don't want to upset you"....and that might seem a little dismissive .... but then he takes the correct next step and DOESN'T do whatever it is again. I have not had to "tell him twice" about anything.

We work well TOGETHER.... he's the only man other than my dad that I've done garage stuff with and had a good time sharing that with.

I know this is praising just the "basics" but he can COOK like hell, it's something he loves to do... and he's always saying how he loves having someone to feed. We work well in the kitchen together, too.... the last guy I dated who had food skill turned into a bitchy crazy type chef when he was in the kitchen... would throw tantrums even and I couldn't stand to be around him when he cooked.

More basics.... I was really surprised the first time I visited his apartment... clean, full of cared for plants, and he does all those things that dudes never do like cleaning under the range hood, putting all the towels fold side out in the linen closet, wiping the ceiling fan... yeah he's as neat and picky as I am about the house looking good. Our aesthetics for house style are way different, but his place is well put together and stylish in its own way.

He wanted to introduce me to his friends and family very early on.... we met just before Christmas in 2019 and I didn't really feel comfortable with going to his family holiday yet but was happy to split New Years between his friends and mine.

He set up a lunch with his daughters as soon as I said I was up to it... so I felt like he was seriously invested in making me a part of his family too.

I think the biggest thing is he adds to my life... there's no stress or unhappiness taking away from the good life I had before him, there's just additions of having someone to share things with.

masterofthebarkarts · 2020-11-23T01:02:58+00:00

I've bragged about my husband many times, but he's just... amazing?

He's the singularly most thoughtful human I have ever met. He treats everyone with respect and kindness. He's incredibly hardworking, smart, funny...and just crazy attractive (at least to me).

I was so burnt out at work between a skyrocketing workload and awful boss that my usually-manageable chronic illness was flaring up so bad that I was essentially bed-bound every other day. He fully supported me (ie., House, pets, etc) but he also encouraged me to quit my job and do whatever I wanted, whether that was look for another job, start my own business, or just be a stay at home wife for a bit.

It's been a huge relief and my illness is under much better control. In another week or two I'll be starting my own business and officially self-employed, and he's been 100% behind me the whole way.

I literally didn't believe dudes like him existed because all my exes were just so...mediocre? Not even bad, for the most part, just vaguely irresponsible, inconsiderate and lazy. But my husband is so unlike that, it's like he's a whole different species.

Gourmay · 2020-11-23T02:09:49+00:00

One of my first boyfriends was a shining example of high value. The first time I came to his place for lunch, he had made me a little handwritten menu of everything he had cooked and always did thoughtful cute things. He helped me pay my rent when I moved to another country to go to university when my parents weren’t helping me enough. He even spoke to me about marriage in the appropriate time frame. But most importantly he supported my dreams and career aspirations as a musician, featured me on a record he was making (he lived from his music), gifted me one of the best guitars in the world, taught me so much and always supported me. It’s been over a decade since we’ve been together and when I hit him up recently (we stayed friends and I went to his wedding) for home studio tips, he took an hour to make me a list, send me product recommendations etc. I was too young at the time for it to work out but he’s a really good person.

repurposedschleem · 2020-11-23T00:50:24+00:00

My work mentor is very much an HVM. I’ve learned this through being his mentee and from conversations with his HVW wife. Honestly they’re relationship goals but I digress. He is a supervisor at my work place, and is a Chief in the Navy Reserves. (I know the sub typically has a negative outlook on military personnel, and I understand it’s for a reason, but this person is the lone exception to the rule I know of).

His wife is a SAHM, and he’s supported her journey through nursing school, financially and emotionally. He and his daughter love Halloween, so this man took it upon himself to learn more advanced sewing in addition to his knowledge of circuitry to make his kid a light up costume she really, really wanted one year. He never has to be told to clean anything, and in fact tends to pull most of the household weight when his wife is studying or in clinicals. He’s close with his mother and sister, without being a mamas boy, and even came around to the idea of getting a dog, despite not being a huge animal lover, because he knew his wife and daughter wanted one so badly. Now he and the dog are best buds.

With me, he’s only ever offered pertinent advice, helped me stop thinking of myself as a “female leader,” at work and replaced it with “leader.” He’s supported me when I needed it, never invalidated my concerns but also called me out on my shit in a way that never felt anything other than someone trying to help me do and be better because they believe I can do and be better. In fact, he’s the first person who told me to my face my ex-husband was abusing me.

I feel very fortunate to have him in my life, and to have built a friendship with his HVW wife too, because seriously...she’s a mentor to me in my journey to becoming a HVW.

OriginalLola · 2020-11-23T08:26:19+00:00

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and so far he seems like a HVM. From the get go, I never once doubted how he felt about me. After every date we went on in the beginning he would ALWAYS send me a message letting me know (again, he would say this at the end of the date too) what a great time he had and how much he wants to see me again. He would always be the one to initiate texts, plan dates etc. I was never left feeling confused about how he felt or what was going on between us. It took 3 weeks for him to ask for us to be exclusive.

The biggest thing I think for me is that he doesn’t watch porn. I was so doubtful of ever finding a guy who didn’t watch porn, I thought this just wasn’t a thing. When it came up in conversation he said he watched it a little bit when he was a teenager because that’s what all the other guys were doing but he found it really hard to watch/finish to because of the lack of intimacy and how the women were treated. Our sex life is AMAZING! I’ve slept with my share of guys and only one other person has ever made me finish before and that was a handful of times over a 5 year relationship. With my current boyfriend, it’s very rare that I don’t finish at least once when we have sex. It’s mind blowing. He’s such a passionate, caring lover and I have never experienced that before.

Other things that come to mind that he does are: I only have to mention to him once how I like things done, and he’ll do it that way from then on out. He always wake me up with a coffee every time we stay the night together, he always does my dishes when he’s over, more often than not he cooks for me when we stay together even at my place. He’s so great at communicating and actually listening to me when I have a problem and then changing that said problem without any hesitation.

He’s only 21, so I’ve given him 3 years to propose instead of the 1 that FDS recommends. But honestly, I would be surprised if he hasn’t proposed by the 2 year mark. He’s always asking me to point out rings/jewellery that I like so he has a feel for the style that I like.

He’s just an all around genuine, caring person. He treats everyone around him with such respect and care. It’s so refreshing and I consider myself so lucky to have met someone who makes me feel the way he does.

emtoots · 2020-11-23T02:33:39+00:00

My dad is a definite HVM! Earlier this week my mom got mad at him bc he bought her cookies as a treat- she’s been suffering from high blood pressure and is trying to eat healthy. She told him that she felt like he wasn’t listening and telling her he didn’t care. The next day I came home from work to find he had gone out and bought her garlique! He also just retired, so he’s been cleaning the house and cooking dinner almost every night since June (as he should, but he is happy to do it and doesn’t complain). And he buys us ice cream every Sunday as a “Sunday night treat.”

They taught me that every couple will fight and have problems, but I’d choose my parents’ relationship problems over any else’s any day! I mean, if my biggest issue with my husband is that he buys me too many cookies I’ll be a happy woman. I’m glad I got to live with my parents well into my twenties because I’ve gotten to experience their relationship as an adult, and they’ve shown me what a good relationship should look like and how a man should treat his partner. I know what to look for and what to expect from a man who’s worth my time.

BashRunes · 2020-11-23T03:05:07+00:00

My adoptive dad is the absolute best. He's certified in just about everything you can be certified for, save for underwater welding (he says he's working on that). He refuses to let any member of his family call a repair guy. For a peanut butter sandwich he's always happy to help.

He's close with all of his kids, raised us all in a house in the woods and shared all of his hobbies and passions with us. We were always working on some project, like the chicken coop or my brother's wrestling ring bed. He taught himself to cook using YouTube so my mom wouldn't be overburdened and can make some damned good grilled catfish.

He'd pull side jobs if someone had something coming up. Took me to a crazy fancy sushi buffet for my birthday, made sure I had the perfect dress for the eighth grade dance. He'd renew his vows with my mom and he'd be so excited about it. He took her on so many road trips, camping trips, hikes through the mountains.

If you disagreed with him, you could talk to him and he'd talk to you like an adult about it. He takes criticism and learns from it. If you did something wrong, you told him. He didn't judge.

I'm sorry for the rambling. I love my dad so much.

nenindis · 2020-11-23T08:22:33+00:00

So, quite recently, I was sick with an ear infection. The bitch hurt like hell. Here's what my boyfriend did and, no, I did NOT have to direct him because I'm not his mom:

- Told me we are going to the doctor. Yes, "we". Not "you".
- Called the doctor and scheduled me an appointment on the very Monday after the week-end the infection settled in.
- Told his supervisor at work he's NOT attending their online meeting because he has to take me to the doctor. When he was able to reach again, the supervisor asked about me. I heard the whole thing. In a gentle tone, my boyfriend said that I was. I paid close attention to the tone because we all know how resentment sounds like.
- He took care of me the whole time throughout the treatment, applied my ear drops. Needless to say I didn't do ANY household chores while sick.

I won't delude myself into saying he's perfect. No one is. However, it's a major improvement compared to all of my exes, who would assault me, try to coerce me into sex (my current boyfriend doesn't even talk about sex and we do it when I'm the one feeling it, not him). He's taken care of me before when I was sick, and I didn't have to ask him. Our relationship flows way more smoothly generally than my past ones.

Additionally, a moving out period is coming. He immediately went to do all the house hunting, whereas I participated in the vetting process and made my requirements, preferences, and standards very clear. He didn't try and argue with them. I didn't have to cOmPrOmIsE or go over 700 hoops to get it through his head that certain areas of our town are off the table. When we choose the place, we choose it together and I'm involved in the process as much as he is. I just let him do the hunting work because, frankly, I love it when he takes care of some things, such as house hunting or my coffee being ready in the morning.

pinkcloudzzz · 2020-11-23T09:04:03+00:00

My ex in college planned surprise birthday parties for me (decorations, cake, inviting friends). He would cook me dinner after class. He took care of me when I was sick which was often. He would buy me flowers just because. We had 2 arguments in 2 years and they were quickly resolved. He had many friends (guys and girls) but always platonic. People were drawn to him since he was so friendly and caring. He spoke to other women purposefully platonically, calling them pal or buddy and so on. I never felt insecure or the need to worry. He planned vacations for us down to all the sight seeing without me having to do anything. He held me and soothed me during panic attacks unrelated to the relationship. He always complimented me. He didn’t pressure me into sex or to do anything performative. I was very lucky.

lunadelsol00 · 2020-11-23T11:02:29+00:00

I've gotten together with him right after I discovered FDS. I've therefore put the poor guy through the wringer.

We've known each other from working together a couple of years ago. We were buddies, always hanging out and making each other laugh. Both in relationships. Then we've reconnected last year in December. It's so weird dating someone who was a friend. But I've never had a relationship like this.

sex is always about me, which is something I had to get used to. It took me a while. Before that I just assumed sex was about a man's pleasure. But as soon as I reach my high, he isn't interested in continuing anymore.
he moved in with me and slowly claimed the kitchen is his space. He eats a fuckton due to working out a lot so he is always in there preparing food for us and keeps it clean and tidy.

-I have very low moments in which I'm incredibly lethargic. He has the patient of a Saint trying to get me moving, if we have to take care of something. I used to brace myself for an argument because my previous bfs quickly grew irritated. I never felt my now bf losing his patience with me. And there were a couple of times in which I really wouldn't blame him if he did.

I think to sum it up, he is hv to me because he accepts me exactly how I am and I never felt the pressure to change for him. And I know I'm not an easy person.

throwRA8935747835 · 2020-11-23T09:56:41+00:00

My current partner has just been an overall completely different experience than previous men I've dated. No second-guessing, no mind games. Just a decent guy who knows what he wants, and who treats his surroundings with respect.
When he met my family, he had spent a few months learning some of my language, and he showed up at their house with small presents for my parents. He is always taking care of my and supporting me - from small things, such as making tea "how I like it", to generally be incredibly supporting and cheering me on. He celebrates my victories and encourages me to pursue my goals,
It is also a bonus point that my family adores him, and my mum has been gushing over his behaviour and the way he treats me.

One of my good friends is also HVM, and share some similar traits. No bro culture, always treats people with respect and has never treated me differently because of gender. His whole family is actually super sweet and has a super healthy dynamic, which I've found really inspiring. Besides being a bit of genius if you ask me, then he also volunteers as a tutor. I've heard some of his friends being clueless as to why he has so many female friends, but it simply because he is friends with other people without any underlying motives.

Delilahh12345 · 2020-11-23T18:48:31+00:00

My dad's an HVM. My mom met him when she was 35. They got married when she was 36 and then they had four children when she was 38-44.

evaporative · 2020-11-23T03:02:29+00:00

[removed]

Title	Please, share your HVM stories/ relationships
Author	HumanAdhesiveness360
Upvotes	133
Comments	35
Date	November 22, 2020 11:22 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jz5yd3/please_share_your_hvm_stories_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/please-share-your-hvm-stories-relationships.726917 https://theredarchive.com/post/726917

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