Stop getting into cars with men.

Namtara · 2022-01-31T18:00:48+00:00

Learned this before I even started dating.

While I was in college, my mom was dating an old high school flame. He had moved in much too quickly despite that he had not officially broken up with his long-term boyfriend on the other side of the country. I did not trust him, but my mom was a total pickme (and I learned from her example what not to do).

My mom wanted me to get to know him and suggested I go run some errands with him. We took my mom's SUV because he had not bought a car since moving (he claims he sold his out of state car). He spent almost the entire ride talking about himself. He didn't ask me any questions. Since he had no interest in me, I showed no interest in him.

At the end of our errands, he wanted to show me some off-road areas and what my mom's vehicle could do. He claimed to be an enthusiast. He drove us to some off road areas above the PCH, which had some great views, but it's a canyon area with a ton of cliffs. He kept accelerating and trying to make it look like he was going to drive us off a cliff. I grey rocked the whole time; I put on an act that none of it bothered me. He finally ended up scaring himself when he went too far and stopped just a few feet shy of a cliff. I said nothing and kept looking unimpressed. He drove us straight home and kept trying to play it off as if he hadn't been trying to scare me.

I didn't tell my mom what happened since I knew she'd just make excuses for it. I refused to ride in a car with him again because "he's a terrible driver" and he never argued the point. They eventually broke up.

Men will let any amount of control go to their heads, even if it is just driving a car. It doesn't matter if they're dating you or not.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2022-01-31T11:05:34+00:00

Yes, I'm seeing too many stories on here about women getting in cars with men they barely know.

SerialGeneralist · 2022-01-31T12:54:54+00:00

Storytime:

Went on a weird date with a guy a few years ago. I met him on an OLD app. I believe it was Bumble. We had good conversation and he asked me out. I told him I will drive there. I live outside the city. Get to the restaurant and it’s super packed and the only restaurant with less than a 30 minute wait was Chili’s. I don’t like their food at all but I was starving. He arrived 20 minutes late and looked like he rolled out of bed. Immediately I knew I would not continue to talk to him after the date. Tried to have conversation and he would look around the restaurant the entire date like someone was watching him. I asked him what is wrong with you? He said he felt like people were listening to us talk. I was so annoyed and on top of that he mocked my degree I was getting. I’m an artist and I guess he thought that was childish. Whatever, the date was over by that time. So we go outside and my car is further into the parking lot and it’s really dark. All I asked him to do is drive me to my car because I didn’t feel comfortable walking in the dark. He proceeds to drive out the parking lot and I start to panic. No lie my mom texted me saying don’t get in the car with him so my heart started pounding. Like it was a sign to think fast. So I’m calmly asking him where are we going and he says to the beach. The beach is like 45 minutes away and it’s after 8pm. He said I want to continue to talk to you in private. I told him we could have talked in the restaurant. He just started to get real antsy. We’re getting close to the exit and I told him can you please take me to my car. It took a lot out of me to remain calm. I told him we can talk another day but I need to go home. He turns the car around and I’m slightly relieved. He passes the parking lot again and tries to take another exit. I knew at that point if I don’t get aggressive now then I’m hopping out the car. I told him to take me back to my car again and he yells at me saying I just want to get to know you. At this point I don’t give a fuck and told him to turn the fucking car around or I’m jumping out of this car. Luckily he had an older car with no automatic locks. He finally takes me to my car and I’ve never hopped out of a vehicle so fast. That was my first and last time getting into a vehicle of man on a date night. I blocked his ass as soon as I got in my car. Be safe out here ladies because something is really wrong with these men. I should have called the police but that was my BMW days.

starlight_sequence · 2022-01-31T14:55:08+00:00

My roommate has been seeing a guy for 2-3 months. Came home yesterday and told me that as they were driving, he started screaming at her, driving recklessly, tried to kick her out of the car on the side of the highway... She had spoken so highly of him up until that point. It's chilling to think how easily men will turn on you once they have your trust. Thankfully she's never seeing him again.

ifhewantedtohewould · 2022-01-31T11:12:36+00:00

The moment you get into a mans car that you do not know (yes, just because you’ve been on a few dates does NOT mean you know him), he has ALL the power. Once he locks those doors you’d be screwed. Plus, if nothing happens in the car, he’ll know where you live.

purasangria · 2022-01-31T15:19:28+00:00

Also: Do not let a man walk you to your car. He has now isolated you in the parking lot away from others and could force you in to your car and kidnap you.

If you like him, and don't want to seem weird, tell him, "I really enjoyed this, let's say goodbye here." (At the restaurant)

If he continues to insist, huge red flag, say you have to use the bathroom, and will text him later. Go back inside, get a staff member to escort you to your car. Delete and block.

Jinxhourglass · 2022-01-31T19:07:06+00:00

Also get an AAA membership! I remember a mod in here saying that she took a separate car to her date and on the way back it broke down. While waiting for triple A the guy was acting like he was going to help and then tried to attack her. Cover all your bases! Triple A will prioritize getting to your car with a membership.

queenoshi · 2022-01-31T11:15:19+00:00

Absolutely. I cannot believe that this is not common sense. In college, a girl in my writing class was boasting to me that she matched with a rich older man on OLD. He organized a limo for her to go to New York to see him. She was bragging but all I could think about was how completely terrified I'd be in that situation... Imagine being a 19 year old girl getting into a strange limo going someplace you don't even know?! Literal nightmare fuel.

skeletoncloset9277 · 2022-01-31T12:46:44+00:00

Even if you think you know him extremely well, always best to have an escape route. And the more types of vehicles you know how to operate, the better off you’ll be. My piece of shit ex husband tried to get in my head to convince me I did not know how to drive stick so he could block my vehicle in the driveway with his. Never again.

Skater_Babe_917 · 2022-01-31T16:11:17+00:00

I learned this the hard way this past week! I should have known better and was basically sexually assaulted and because of traumatic past I had frozen when I should have gotten out of the car and called my sister!!

SayNad · 2022-01-31T13:06:33+00:00

Also to add:

Do NOT go to a man's house or let a man into your house - even on date #123. You two ought to get the marriage discussion down first before getting into each others' privacy. This is to avoid danger, false sense of intimacy and fake bonding - because even though it doesn't seem much in modern dating - once upon a time crossing the threshold of the house is a wedding night ritual. Because that is just how much valuable your private space is.

Do NOT go into any private jet setting lone island vacancy alone with the man - sounds romantic but you are in a vulnerable position. Even going with a few girl friends is not recommended - he might have a gang waiting there, who knows? Unless he is willing to afford your entire family going there - just don't. Go do fun dates but make sure to be as safe as possible.

Do NOT go to some weird ass hiking, jungle trekking, big-foot hunting "dates" all these "adventurous" scrote tryna drag you to. Hell walking in some obscure park where there is no people around? AVOID. A date should be in public places and stay in public places - makes sure there is always a crowd around and if shit hits the fan - you can lose him in the crowd. Try Disneyland!

There is also the kind that purposely invite you to very romantic by-the-sea restaurant dinner date - overseeing the dark sea and all that waves. And after dinner, smoothly segue into walking by the seaside hand in hand? Nah, it is too dark and you may drop your guard far too soon. Something about the sea can be intoxicating and disorienting at night. If you want a seaside date - only during the day.

Force him to get creative in arranging dates that are both exciting and safe. Make it a vetting strategy - if he couldn't care less about your safety during the date, he ain't it sis.

katiekat0214 · 2022-01-31T15:31:14+00:00

I have a very recognizable vehicle in a bright color. My issue would be, anyone who sees me drive up could never forget my vehicle! I live in a medium sized city, but I've only seen three vehicles like mine. I'd worry about being stalked, although I LOVE my vehicle, and chose the color because it's very happy!

FlowerPrincessChief · 2022-02-01T00:50:32+00:00

I’ve learned a ton of safety tips just from reading this post and the comments alone. Please add this to the handbook somewhere. This is stuff we should be teaching daughters, nieces, cousins, and even aunts and moms. We are not safe in this world.

Japanese_Lasagna · 2022-01-31T14:17:57+00:00

I know so many women who are somehow too anxious to drive but have no qualms getting into cars driven by strange men, whether it’s for an Uber ride or a date. They’ll complain at times about dealing with creepy or annoying men yet fail to see they could avoid that if they just leveled up, learned to drive, and drove themselves places. These same women are spending as much money on Uber as they would on driving a cheap car of their own (I’ve calculated it), so it isn‘t as though they are saving money. It is so risky. Occasionally you do hear news reports of women who were assaulted by their Uber driver, but they believe it won’t ever happen to them. Having all sorts of strange men knowing where you live is so risky. I don’t know why so many women think to rely so much on others to get from Point A to Point B. I understand someone being so poor they have to take the bus, but I’m not talking about those women. It’s a weird dependency I see among a certain subset of women that I have difficulty understanding.

Edit: I’m not blaming women for harm that comes their way. The perpetrator is always at fault. However, as a woman, it is dangerous to be dependent on others, and the more dependent you are, the higher the likelihood is of being at someone’s mercy / being their victim. Always make it your goal to decrease the likelihood of becoming a victim even if you can’t guarantee you won’t be targeted. Having an education, having your own job and money, and having your own means of transportation are key. If you end up in a relationship with some abusive asshole, you will have the means to flee immediately if you are independent. If you have to wait for someone to give you a ride, your chances of avoiding harm dramatically drop.

Also, I absolutely do live in a city, and if I said where, you’d know it is, in fact, a city. (Obviously, I won’t be saying where though.) It seems to me some of you live in very old cities that were developed before cars whereas mine is newer and has parking in abundance no matter what part of town you are in. If you live in such an old city, I pity you for having to live in such a city. I know cities like that are terrible about their infrastructure. Your best bet is to do all you can to eventually move away from said city.

Title	Stop getting into cars with men.
Author	warinmymind94
Upvotes	873
Comments	52
Date	January 31, 2022 9:46 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/sgxij8/stop_getting_into_cars_with_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/stop-getting-into-cars-with-men.1098768 https://theredarchive.com/post/1098768

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