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denverkris
[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice 376 points377 points378 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
This is the "wall" that women hit at 25. It's called becoming an adult and knowing better. They want to get you before you get wise to their low effort bullshit.
[–]naturopathicfantastiFDS Newbie 192 points193 points194 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
When you’re mind is too fully formed and less able to be manipulated. YES THAT IS THE WALL.
They want to scare us into marrying and having children to trap us before this happens. So afraid we’ll be ugly and withered. God the comedy.
I look better at 35 than I could have ever dreamed I would at 25
I laugh at bs at 35. I cried over bs at 25.
The wall is the mind not the body.
[–]Fit_JuiceFDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah, I think it's because our cheekbones get defined.
[–]naturopathicfantastiFDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My entire body has become defined. My aura has been etched in stone. The transformation from a girl to a woman shows in all ways.
Yea I do look better but I am more attractive in all ways. I don’t get cat called anymore, god bless. They don’t feel comfortable making me feel uncomfortable. even in revealing clothing. I’m god damn intimidating. They don’t approach without bringing what they imagine I deserve.
[–]cakewalkofshameFDS Newbie 49 points50 points51 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This!!
[–]MadamePotpourriFDS Newbie 255 points256 points257 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So true. I cringe when I think of all the LVM I dated from my early twenties. Had I met them now, none would have made it past the first few dates. I'm grateful that I ended my twenties with no babies and no husband.
Also grateful that I still had enough sense to prioritize university and graduate with a good paying job. That has brought me far more benefit than any man ever could.
[–]munakhtylerFDS Newbie 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes! Do not get enslaved by a worthless male. Always put your needs first, not some scrote who wants to use you as a baby incubation machine
[–]smothered_realityFDS Newbie 83 points84 points85 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I used to be told that no one would want to marry me because I was too old all the time when I was younger. My mother would honestly have panic in her voice when she screamed at me about it. As I hit financial independence I realize more and more that I dodged a massively fatal bullet by holding out no matter how much they hated me. I don’t think even half the players even admit it to themselves. My mom is one of them that’s too deep in to realize how massively problematic this all is. It’s funny because I wasn’t even a catch in my 20s because I was so stressed out by everyone that I was miserable to be around. The only people showing interest were all toxic. I’m a happier person now and I actually get interest from the kind of healthy people that recognize that.
[–]Interesting_Day1188FDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This. I was not happy in my 20's either really.
[–]heroic_nincompoopFDS Newbie 204 points205 points206 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I can't wait until I'm older. Ever since I was a little girl I heard older women say, "You become invisible when you're older. Men stop staring at you and hitting on you. It's like a light switches in their brains and they stop seeing you that way." I always looked at them like, "Promise?"
[–]cakewalkofshameFDS Newbie 129 points130 points131 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
For me, I always thought I'd be devastated at the first signs of aging but instead I felt such relief at my first tiny lines, like thank God, it's starting to end, finally I can go back to just being ME, like before puberty when I was a person and not a shell striving to be the best fuckdoll possible.
[–]pascalinesFDS Newbie 52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Wow I’ve never had my feelings put so succinctly by someone else before. As soon as I finally realized I had aged/I was not as pretty as I was before, it’s like this flip switched....and I was free to become the person I was at age 10 again. Crunchy, tevas wearing, obsessed with bugs and plants. Dgaf.
[–]cakewalkofshameFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fuck yes, I'm glad others have had this experience!
[–]RecordingImportant94FDS Newbie 67 points68 points69 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I have found it very telling that, having had a baby in my early twenties, it took until my brain had matured at 25 to leave the abusive father of my child. I will be making sure my daughter makes it to 25 without tying herself to a scrote for the rest of her life.
[–]hiraethsidharthaFDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I am so glad you left him 💚 You and your daughter both deserve the happiest existence you can find.
I know you know this already. But you are totally ace for getting out 🤷♀️
[–]RecordingImportant94FDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you. I only wish I’d realised earlier that it was doable, even without any income due to the pandemic. You are never truly trapped but these abusive men create a psychological cage for you and so many women believe they couldn’t survive on their own. It’s worse when you’ve had no real independent life before, which is a big part of the appeal of younger women to these scrotes. I daydream a lot about creating a charity to provide escape funds for young mothers with abusive partners, as women suffering from financial abuse, as I was, will find it harder to break away. I’m very fortunate that the country I live in has some support systems for women in abusive relationships, and a supportive family who took us in initially. I have a wonderful fresh start with my daughter that I couldn’t even imagine before.
[–]lansburysodaFDS Newbie 139 points140 points141 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This. I’m 26 and my looks haven’t changed at all since I was 23 but my standards have.
[–]curiousandbashfulFDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😃👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
[+][deleted] 5 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]thinktwiceorelseFDS Newbie 37 points38 points39 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They probably read those articles that say you'll magically become infertile as you hit the age of 26. I remember how scared I was when I was with my LVM. I thought if I don't hurry up and make babies, I'll end up childless and unhappy. I thought that was my last chance. Guess what, now I'm almost 30 and childfree. The dread dissapeared from my life the moment I realized I don't really want children.
[–]dak4f2FDS Newbie 47 points48 points49 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Childhood abuse can lead one to choose abusive or low value partners in life because it's all you know. It's what you learned love was at an early age. Plus childhood abuse often can lead to low self esteem later in life.
Thank goodness for therapy and FDS.
[–]idestroythingsfora-FDS Newbie 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep, I agree with this one. Not me, but my mother. She was an incredibly naive and very psychologicaly abused woman at 28, who pretty much believed she was less than worthless. Her abusive mother practically handed her over to her abusive husband (my dad :/), she convinced her to meet him again, call him, get married to him right after he came back from his travel (their engagement was long-distance!) migrate with him to a country she had no one in, yelled at her when she asked to help her separate from him after he beat her to a pulp, etc. If she hadn't been abused for so long in her life she wouldn't have went on to marry an abuser.
[–]HhjjuuyFDS Apprentice 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Women do not trap themselves in marriages. We are conditioned into believing these relationships are in our best interest despite being a tool of oppression.
[–]BluefoxcrushFDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
In my experience, they get caught in this pattern where they only see their own value in how men see them. So they never develop the skills to be truly independent and coast on the people around them.
I’ve seen it work out where a pretty woman divorced a man and got half the company and is a millionaire.
I’ve also seen it where a woman had children by a series of men an are discarded every few years. And as her beauty has withered, so has the quality of man she is able to pull so she now leeches off her sister and the money she gets from the state to raise a grandchild.
[–]hiraethsidharthaFDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah. Many women end up not being able to get out I of relationships with LVM because of a huge wealth of reasons. I am sure the gold digger woman totally exists but this is not why women stay. The idea that women stay in relationships because they are after the mans hard earned money is highly misogynist.
Like. Being a mother and wife is a legit job too. Courts know that. Which is why divorce courts operate the way they do. You can't expect women to birth your children and act as cleaner/therapist/family administrator/whatever and receive nothing.
I really believe that the Goldigger idea is a myth. It is the idea of harlot woman taking what is not theirs.
Receiving benefits from the state is 'Leaching'? There is a reason why state benefits exist. As a safety net. You can disagree with the idea of state benefits all you like, but most women do not stay with LVM because the women are 'leaches'.
A good book that helps to explain the dynamics of abusive relationships is Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft. There is also mental illness, financial insecurity or downright poverty that affect women's lives and become exacerbated when they have children and end up with large gaps in their CV.
I am not trying to take away the agency of women by saying that they can't leave. Anyone can leave. The psychology and real life complexities behind the reason people stay cannot be ignored. Most women stay because that are afraid and cannot see a way out.
[–]pickmieshaexorcistFDS Disciple 108 points109 points110 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Even if the brain were fully formed before then, having babies just makes everything exponentially harder. Especially in America where there’s no real safety net. Finding appropriate housing, being tethered to the area because of family support, limited with jobs/hours, daycare costs (which is astronomical when they’re in the diapers ages). The list goes on.
[–]honeydewmelonzFDS Newbie 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow I’m so excited for this
[–]LucysFakeTitsFDS Newbie 84 points85 points86 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I got pregnant at 21, 2 months shy of 22. We talked about getting married and moving in together. He is African from Congo and would tell me shit like Africans don't get pain medicine to have the baby. I'd be like well good thing I'm not African. No no, i misunderstood what he meant. The men dictate for the women they can't have pain medicine because they need to suffer for the baby...... Gee I wonder why I fled the state to go live with my mother and blocked him on everything? Unfortunately, my conscience got the better of me.. I didn't get a fulfilling relationship with my dad because my mom poisoned it and I didn't want to do that to my child. I love my son very much, but his father is a controlling moron and my life would be easier if he (father) wasn't in it. When i went to my first OBGYN appointment he went with me and my blood pressure was high because I hated being around him so much, it hasn't been high since then and I have had 2 more children. Promiscuous sex is my biggest regret in life. I wish I hadn't placed so much value in men finding me fuckable when it literally means nothing. Being married and having children has been so much less stressful and fulfilling. I feel bad for my son. I failed him and there's nothing I can do about it, his father and I can never be together and he has to split his time between us. It's all my fault for not telling this stupid man no when he asked to have sex without a condom. I met him on Tinder 🙄 I get so frustrated with myself in the past
[–]hiraethsidharthaFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I totally get the frustration towards past you. Fact is we can only deal with present us. Past us had none of the information we have now. Past us was dealing with all kinds of confusing stuff that we didn't have the time or ability to process.
We can only go from where we are now. Giving ourselves a really hard time for past mistakes is not helpful. Learning and then getting rid of the guilt in the knowing that we did what we could with the information we had at the time is the only compassionate and sensible thing we can do.
21 is young as hell. My mum had me at 21 and now I'm way past that, I can only see her as a baby herself. Where I am from (poor working class area) it is totally normal to have kids when you are practically a kid yourself.
I'm sure you are an amazing mum. Being a good parent is HARD. You tried to do the right thing for your son by keeping his dad in the picture. Try not to kick yourself about not knowing any of the things you know now. Giving yourself a hard time is 1000X more counter productive than doing something nice for yourself because dealing with said moron is draining af.
[–]HereForTheFreeFoodOkFDS Newbie 47 points48 points49 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love her twitter account - I am already a follower!
She is sharp, incisive and perfectly articulates complicated issues.
[–]thatrecoilwhenyoucmeThrowaway Account 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Silent collusion.
[–]StrawberryMoon3FDS Apprentice 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This!
[–]dragon_wolf4FDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Why was this post removed!??
[–]denverkrisFDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't know. I messaged the mods asking why and never got a response.
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[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice 376 points377 points378 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]naturopathicfantastiFDS Newbie 192 points193 points194 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Fit_JuiceFDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]naturopathicfantastiFDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cakewalkofshameFDS Newbie 49 points50 points51 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MadamePotpourriFDS Newbie 255 points256 points257 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]munakhtylerFDS Newbie 20 points21 points22 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]smothered_realityFDS Newbie 83 points84 points85 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Interesting_Day1188FDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]heroic_nincompoopFDS Newbie 204 points205 points206 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]cakewalkofshameFDS Newbie 129 points130 points131 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]pascalinesFDS Newbie 52 points53 points54 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]cakewalkofshameFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RecordingImportant94FDS Newbie 67 points68 points69 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]hiraethsidharthaFDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RecordingImportant94FDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lansburysodaFDS Newbie 139 points140 points141 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]curiousandbashfulFDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (7 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]thinktwiceorelseFDS Newbie 37 points38 points39 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dak4f2FDS Newbie 47 points48 points49 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]idestroythingsfora-FDS Newbie 16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HhjjuuyFDS Apprentice 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BluefoxcrushFDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]hiraethsidharthaFDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pickmieshaexorcistFDS Disciple 108 points109 points110 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]honeydewmelonzFDS Newbie 18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LucysFakeTitsFDS Newbie 84 points85 points86 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]hiraethsidharthaFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HereForTheFreeFoodOkFDS Newbie 47 points48 points49 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thatrecoilwhenyoucmeThrowaway Account 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]StrawberryMoon3FDS Apprentice 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dragon_wolf4FDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]denverkrisFDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link