This is how a HVM should react

randomgirl34861 · 2021-10-30T23:31:41+00:00

I like this so much because it’s an example of a man protecting a woman emotionally. Societally, way too much emphasis is placed on the ability to physically protect, but in this day and age emotional protection is more widely used and valuable. His wife is upset, so he settings this boundary (uninviting them) to keep her safe emotionally and protect her happiness. By doing this, he’s taking the not-so-fun role of “bad cop” (aka the boundary setter) and acting as shield for her from her family members. When he says he would ”support her 100% if she wanted to overrule me” he’s showing that her happiness is what he cares most about in this situation- not his pride or anything else. By saying she can overrule him, he’d likely have to give a fake apology to the parents and sister and show a lot of restraint emotionally. And he’s willing to do that, if that’s what she wants.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-10-30T18:17:09+00:00

Good for him. That poor woman. I smell a narc parents and Golden Child/Scapegoat situation here and that he picked up on it? A+. So many guys would reinforce her family’s gaslighting and agree that she’s being dramatic over nothing.

arnezuara · 2021-10-30T18:13:20+00:00

Narcissistic parents and their golden child. It’s incredibly sad to see children be brought up in such toxic home environments, especially girls — it sets them up for more abuse/exploitation later in life.

Nonetheless, the OP did what every supportive, good partner (bare minimum) should do: prioritize his fiancée’s happiness and well-being.

husheveryone · 2021-10-30T21:57:44+00:00

Yikes. Narcissistic family system, where the golden child elder sister not getting engaged/married first had bizarrely “injured” the disordered enforcers of the PickMe-tastic family system. So the horrible parents reacted by punishing the younger sister, who was a captive audience in the dress shop, ruining what was to her likely an important rite of passage of choosing her wedding gown.

FDS-GFY · 2021-10-31T15:49:17+00:00

I hope she continues to ignore them. Too often children of narcs keep going back and the spouse gets exhausted from defending them. Ask me how i know.

BrightIdeaGenerator · 2021-10-31T17:54:52+00:00

This is a family of narcissists that are mad the scapegoat is getting married before the golden child. Predictable. Good on fiancé.

xfelugirlx · 2021-10-31T15:42:06+00:00

Good for him to stand up for his fiancé and no falling in the common thing of be quiet and stick to family even when they are assholes

sherbearie · 2021-11-01T10:14:59+00:00

Really like this man standing up for his fiancée and wanting her to be happy for their wedding, saying he’d support her decision if she wanted them there, how they are her only family, even though they do not seem to be pleasant to be around and has the awareness to reflect as to whether his actions might come off as out of line (even though here seems perfectly reasonnable), demonstrates emotional intelligence and willing to do the best to support his partner.

I sure would have appreciated a partner standing up for me, if I were in her shoes. Family can be very difficult to set boundaries with and get them to treat you as an adult and with respect, in my experience, it’s an entire different dynamic from partners and friends. It’s nice to know you have a partner who will have your back and not let you being disrespected.

It’s great that this lady found herself a partner that seems to be high value and prioritizes her happiness, in spite of having a very dysfunctional family for model. Can’t imagine the pain of wanting to share an important moment with people you love and a sibiling make it all about herself, when your wedding, choosing the dress are like this one day it’s about you and that you’ll have memory for a very long time.

pathalienation · 2021-10-30T22:57:02+00:00

Nooooo!!! This is a big gesture, a dramatic gesture. He made the decision without her. She’s going from one abusive environment to the next.

Title	This is how a HVM should react
Author	herbivorouscarnivore
Upvotes	574
Comments	21
Date	October 30, 2021 5:57 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qj6tkv/this_is_how_a_hvm_should_react/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-is-how-a-hvm-should-react.1080926 https://theredarchive.com/post/1080926

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