What do you do when a man is late?

SweetRazzleDazzle · 2020-08-11T13:48:41+00:00

If it’s during the early stages of dating, I usually just ghost and block. If they don’t have the decency to even give you a heads up that they’re going to be running late, they belong in the trash. But either way, I like my time respected and constant lateness is not something I’d tolerate.

powerline2500 · 2020-08-11T14:07:37+00:00

Leave. When you realized he didnt remember the meeting you should have immediately hung up the phone. Be mean. Be harsh. Cut people off HARD.

"Use" him to buy you expensive food at a nice restaurant for what? Youre just waste YOUR time.

I swear I dont wait around for people.

The only reason I would ever not be on time is if Im dead, in the hospital or an accident happen en route. Theres only 3 reasons.

What Ive learned is that people who seemingly cannot manage time are never late to shit they really want to do. Like I have a friend who never keeps the time.

But shes also never missed an airplane taking her on vacation. Not even close. Shes always extra early. Because she knows the plane will leave her ass.

Be the plane. Depart at X time. Whoever isnt there, isnt there. Too bad. Their loss.

ValuableReception4 · 2020-08-11T14:36:52+00:00

I've had a guy ask me to meet him at a restaurant. We worked together. This was our first date and he was 25 minutes late. I got up and left. Texted him that I left the restaurant and couldn't wait any longer. He replied that he was 15 minutes away. He never texted me to tell me he would be late. He finally responded to my message and it had already been well over 30 mins and said he would be there in 20 minutes. I didn't reply. When I saw him at work afterwards, I acted like I wasn't the least bit phased. Was nonchalant AF. I thought to myself "your lost loser"!

If anyone's gonna be late on the first date, it's me! Lol. TF!

ldonnawho · 2020-08-11T14:36:55+00:00

Early stages of dating red flags stick around. They don't disappear, they just morph into something worse.

LEAVE while it's early and your time isn't wasted

somberprincess · 2020-08-11T14:17:55+00:00

He doesn’t respect your time. People make all kinds of excuses but when it comes down to it.. they wouldn’t be late to eat lunch with Beyoncé, in fact, they’d be EARLY, so the least they can do is be on time for you.

circescircus · 2020-08-11T16:32:28+00:00

I've been hearing about this a lot lately. Are these OLD dates?

I'm convinced a lot of these men are doing this on purpose, they are running their abuse tests on women when they show up late/change plans last minute etc. They figure that if you stick around after that, that you're good to go for whatever other abuse they throw at you. And they don't lose anything in the process-- if you end up having self-respect and tell them to fuck off, they didn't even have to bother leaving their house or making any real plans, so they don't lose any time or money. They are just looking for a free prostitute and/or someone to rope into a toxic relationship, I believe showing up late/changing plans last minute are strategies for predators who are looking for easy pickings.

dalenoriah · 2020-08-11T15:19:10+00:00

Back in my pickmeisha days, lateness was one of the first red flags that I noticed about my abusive ex. I was training for a bodybuilding competition at the time and offered to let him train with me at the gym when we became more exclusive.

However, I had a set time I would meet up with my trainer every day and my ex would be consistently late. Not only late, he would have the audacity to get upset and sullen when we didn't wait for him and started working out without him. I would try to explain to him that being on time was very important to me and that it's important to respect your obligations. He would always turn it around on me and make himself the victim.

Of course his lateness would then translate to other things. If I planned a romantic evening (shouldn't have been planning it, I know) he would be late. If we had plans to meet up with friends, he would be late. Anything that was important to me, he was late. I later realized that he was so NV and emotionally controlling that it was actually intentional and he was basically using it to sabotage my self-esteem, respect, and my reputation among my friends and family for showing up late.

Thankfully, hindsight is 20-20, but I will never wait for a man again.

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2020-08-11T14:45:12+00:00

Wait why’d he have to replace the whole tire for the tire light? Doesn’t that usually mean you just need air?

Ms_Tilly · 2020-08-11T16:06:20+00:00

I've learned from experience to just block them and not give them a chance to make excuses.

After worrying himself to death about whether I would "pick him" while online dating, the guy "forgot" our simple and low effort date plan. I made him grovel and make it up to me, but he ended up having a personality disorder AND ADD and he was a nightmare to get over.

sadcello · 2020-08-11T17:19:42+00:00

If he's late to dinner, I order my food, eat and leave if he doesn't come after I finish. Or takeaway the food and eat at home, watching movie. Same with anywhere else. Museum, theme park, cinema, sports related date? I go in myself. Even if he comes later, I'll lie and say I went home. I won't let a man ruin my plan, I'll still have fun nonetheless.

Don't plan a date, plan to have fun with or without him.

kantarra · 2020-08-11T17:23:37+00:00

I don't wait longer than 15 minutes for anyone, friend or date. In my city, public transport is not that reliable and you have to calculate a buffer of at least half an hour to ensure you really will be on time. Is it annoying to potentially have 30 minutes to kill? No doubt. But I'd rather do that than disrespect another person's time, and I expect the same from others.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2020-08-11T16:18:48+00:00

Lateness translates to loser. If he can’t be on time for a social engagement, imagine his career performance. This type is a man who is going nowhere.

ErikaNaumann · 2020-08-11T19:17:18+00:00

You read the handbook, and still went on a date to a guy's house? Big NO sister.

Also, when a guy is late you leave. You don't wait an hour for him. You get up after 5 mins, and you LEAVE. Then you proceed to block and delete his contact.

The handbook is very clear about this. No room for error.

Marionberry12345 · 2020-08-11T18:41:49+00:00

This is one of my biggest pet peeves because it communicates their time is more important. For context, I live in a city with horrible traffic.

If he’s running late without texting me: I give a man 15 minutes, and then leave.

If a man texts me that he’s running late: I will wait 30 minutes from the originally appointed time, and then leave.

If a man asks to postpone our date by an hour or two for any reason: I cancel the date.

Your absence is the biggest message you can communicate to them. Stay calm, cool and collected.

Summerisle7 · 2020-08-11T16:53:28+00:00

For the first guy with the ferry - I'd have hung up the phone the second it became clear he'd missed the ferry and not bothered to tell me.

For the guy who was an hour late - I would have left after 10 or 15 minutes, and taken myself somewhere nice in the area. For the tire light I'd have looked up my car manual to see what to do, or else gone to a mechanic, I'm not dependent on random scrotes to keep my car running.

For the third one who "didn't respond," I don't quite understand what happened there but again, if someone doesn't show up or doesn't make clear what's going on, the date is over and I go do something else with my time. IDK about the last minute thing at some other guy's house, the handbook advises against home cooking dates.

Anyway, the FDS principle around lateness is: NEVER wait for any man, never give a second chance, never make it too easy for someone to blow you off.

jeanneeebeanneee · 2020-08-11T17:53:03+00:00

There's a lot of things I will let slide at least once, but lateness isn't one of them. That's just my personal stance. I make the effort to be on time, and if there's a true emergency that is going to cause me to be late I make the effort to notify right away. If you can't or won't make the same efforts then we will never work out, PERIODDDDDD

loudest_gusset · 2020-08-11T17:16:10+00:00

If given a reasonable heads-up and justifiable excuse, I would give a second chance because shit happens. If it happens a second time, then block and ghost. I say this because I once had a sudden situation come up that I had to handle immediately before a date. As soon as I knew I'd be late I called him and let him know that I'd like to push back our date an hour or so later. The guy was gracious about it and as it turns out, I had the best first date of my life. He's a great guy and we've been together for over a year now.

But if he simply forgot? Fuck. That. Noise. Toss him to the curb.

99natas · 2020-08-11T19:42:11+00:00

It just shows a profound lack of respect.

Properly if you are meeting while still on the way if you get delayed by traffic or some unforeseen event there is no reason not to text to say “hey there was a traffic accident” or whatever.

It can happen, but if they don’t even text or call gahh.

And even if they did have an issue, 30 minutes is the max I would wait to be honest, maybe reschedule if the unforeseen event hits the news lol.

jackrusselterror1 · 2020-08-11T22:49:08+00:00

I leave after 5 minutes. Usually I’ll tell them by text, but if it’s really out of my way, I’ll wait until they text me. One dude was 3 hours late, I found out because he texted me asking where I was 3 hours after our arranged meeting time. I got a spot at the restaurant bar, ordered myself drinks and food, got chatted up by another guy who was more than happy to take his place and ended up on a date with that dude instead. I was out with someone new within 30 minutes of being ditched for a first date.

I recommend that if he’s 15 minutes late, you forget about him, take yourself out and have a good time, especially if this is your first meeting. 15 minutes is generous, given men don’t put in nearly as much effort getting ready for dates and should be able to make it to a venue on time, especially if he planned the location and agreed to a meeting time. That was his first impression, do you really need to see how low he sinks? If you’re dating someone and he regularly is late, I think it’s a sign of disrespect and he’s taking you for granted, so I’d heavily recommend dumping men who do this.

I have ADD and used to rely on public transportation for the majority of my student and working life, if I can be the most reliable employee at my job and make it on time to any plans I make, no man has any excuse whatsoever. I honestly don’t care about the cultural excuse or disability excuse men try to excuse this with, wasting someone’s time is not culture, it will never not be selfish as hell to make others wait for one person to show up.

comet2004 · 2020-08-11T16:36:53+00:00

at best lateness means they aren't at a point in their life where they take dating seriously. I once gave a guy a chance who was 7 minutes late to our 1st date despite my better judgment. the minute me met me he seemed 100x more interested in me as a person, but it became clear that his work is way too demanding for him to be dating. that lateness was just the 1st sign. that's at best lol moat likely it means he's a douche who doesn't respect other peoples time

GAaliyah12 · 2020-08-11T17:23:46+00:00

I would either leave or call another man to take his place.

CharTheCatMom · 2020-08-12T10:14:29+00:00

Use him for the free dinner and block as soon as I start my car to go home 💅🏾

2020-08-15T13:40:54+00:00

I would leave. Any time I’ve stayed and waited and then dated them or even been in a relationship with the late man, he is always late! It’s not a one time thing. I would just leave because I know how annoying it is for me

Levelupmama · 2020-08-11T18:00:35+00:00

omg ladies! Y’all had me send him back. ESP after he said to me (while shazaming an awesome song at this cafe) And I quote “You should Shazam my voice. (Me: why?) I was trying to irritate you. I was looking for a reason. It’s cute seeing you annoyed. Upset. Those eyes you just gave me now are scary.” Yeah so I told him I had errands and walked him to the ferry that left in 9 mins. Sad bc he has a lot of traits I like. Cute French accent. Proper. Kind. But naw.

CoolSaucy · 2020-08-11T21:55:31+00:00

Anything past 5 minutes without a heads up PRIOR to the meeting time is a red flag to me. Im very punctual and I dont FW guys who make me late and trigger my anxiety 💁🏾 if its been over 10 minutes and I hear nothing, you hear nothing back lol and I take myself on a date!

Title	What do you do when a man is late?
Author	Levelupmama
Upvotes	48
Comments	75
Date	August 11, 2020 1:41 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i7s0xl/what_do_you_do_when_a_man_is_late/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-do-you-do-when-a-man-is-late.58531 https://theredarchive.com/post/58531

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