Long time, firts time... Swollowed the pill back in March, read the prerequisite's,SGM,and others, currently lifting, passing most tests with STFU, AM, and AA.

A little background...I'm 31, wife is 29. We have a very close SMV. I concider her a 9, myself...maybe an 8. But am working hard to bring that number up. Met her 11 years ago thru a mutual guy friend we had. I got her knocked up with our first of 4 kids after only dating for 3 months. Decided to do the "right thing" and got married. She has always been a SAHM. I have always provided. Been steady increasing my income over the last 11 years. (Will break 6 figures for the first time ever this year!)Life was good. Or so I thought.

Fast forward a couple years and the guy who introduced us father passed away. I was a Paul Barre at his funeral. After the service I invited everyone back to my house for a little party. The friend of ours and I were in a metal band together so we decided to drink and jam. That's what we did back then. Long story short...I walked up from the basement to grab a beer and that's when I saw it...no touching, no kissing, not sex.. but just by how they were looking at each other I knew something wasn't right. Come to find out my wife and him have been caring out an "emotional affair" for almost a year. I blew up that situation right then, kicked everyone out and had a huge blow out with my wife.

This cycle has happneed in one form or another 3 times.

She tells me that she is sorry, I'm the one she wants, not him. I swallow the blue pill, forgive her and make up. Get her pregnant... life is good for a while...repeat. Always with the same guy. And it's not that I catch her in the act of doing something. I find out that she still has "feelings" for him after she tells me that she doesn't, and not to worry.

Sex has always been an issue for me in our marriage. I don't have a dead bedroom by any means. I get sex quite frequently. But not the kind I want. It's not starfish but not the great enthusiastic sex I want. Im the only one who has ever been able to bring her to orgasm. She didn't even know she could have one before we met. I enjoy pleasing the woman I'm with. Point is she has told me that our sex life is better than anything that she has had before. So I don't think that's what she is looking for in another man. She tells me that she misses talking with him. I think now the thing that is preventing me from getting what I want is mainly a lack of emotional connection between us. And I think that her having feelings for another man will always prevent me from getting what I want from her.

I think i went full beta after we had our first child, but maybe I am not beta enough sometimes. I'm working on improving myself as much as possible right now. The end result I would like to see out of all of this work is a strong marriage with a wife that does not have feelings for another Man and an improved sex life. I'd like to think that the reason I want to save this marriage is because it's "special". Not in the I love my little snow flake sense, but in the sense that we built a family together. I'll never have another mother of my children. Got the bag cut. I don't want to be a part time father, and I don't want to give her half my money. And in all other ways I am happy with the relationship. She is a good mother to my children, and does very well as a SAHM. Sex is getting better... The reason I am here is to work on myself. To make myself a better more attractive Man so I can get what I want with or without her. But I am posting in the MRP for a reason.

It's been a hard pill to swallow. I was raised by a single mother with no father to speak of around. I glad I found this forum, and I look forward to passing on what I learn to my children.

Any input, comments, and advice would be much appreciated.