i cannot stand "incel" term.

JotaD21 · 2025-01-01T01:09:42+00:00

It kinda reminds me of the double standards again. Feminism claims that someone's body count doesn't matter until it comes to talk about a virgin, kissless man

Septic-Abortion-Ward · 2025-01-01T02:33:13+00:00

For a lot of women, it's all they have. When they no longer have that power over men, their entire world falls apart.

So naturally they are trying to hype up the worth of the only thing they have to offer. The fact that this invalidates everything feminism has been claiming as their goals doesn't seem to matter.

It's too late. There's several generations of men that have been burned and scarred by the bullshit and lies, and the survivors won't be coming back for this degeneracy no matter how deep the discount.

cuttq · 2025-01-01T02:01:46+00:00

It's just a term used to gaslight people. People can't take a term that has power and not weaponize it, it just simply isn't possible.

It's the same with how people use terms like "insecure" to gaslight people into believing their concerns or frustrations are because of themselves.

Actual incels are victims. They're most often autistic men who struggle with socialization, they're not your average bro who has a thing or two to say about a woman's behavior.

Guinnessron · 2025-01-01T01:27:27+00:00

It’s the dumbest term and if someone uses it I disregard whatever they are saying. Man or woman.

Public-Improvement91 · 2025-01-01T01:16:59+00:00

I've seen married men being called incels. It's a weaponized term used to demonize men with an opinion that goes against the narrative.

Drayenn · 2025-01-01T00:56:33+00:00

The word has been taken over and no longer means "cant get a girlfriend". Media has changed it to "men who are sexist and hateful towards women due to their lack of success with them"

People online will encourage you to use something else to say you cant find a partner due to its negative connotation.

Sick-of-you-tbh · 2025-01-01T01:54:25+00:00

it literally perpetuates that man’s value is higher when he fucks women.

Feminists ironically very much still hold this idea more than anyone.

Not a single group likes to use “virgin” “incel” “you don’t get b*tches” “congrats on coming out!” More than them when they want to shame men. Because they still look up to men who sleep with a lot of women and look down on men who don’t.

ABBucsfan · 2025-01-01T01:34:55+00:00

It honestly is almost akin to saying someone has a small penis. It's an attempt to try and attack someone's image. Yeah sometimes it's also used more for the 'no wonder you're single' angle. Often question why thats a bad thing. Again a person's worth isn't based on whether they have a relationship of that nature. I guess if they truly are and havent had a lot of success, but just feels like a low blow to me. It's not an actual argument most of the time. In fact sometimes it's like you're not allowed to make a critical observation about women at all without some kind of comment like that, which speaks to the person being very defensive and unable to accept any criticism. Attacking the person with a low blow in return is kinda the cheap way out imo

MarionADelgado · 2025-01-01T03:12:49+00:00

I respond with "spinster."

Futureman999 · 2025-01-01T04:19:24+00:00

The reason "incel" gets so much play from reddit feminists is a symptom of society being restructured since the 1950s.

Old school:

Men can do it whenever they get the chance and it's a little naughty but fine - boys will be boys
Women get a "reputation" if word gets out they "sleep around" and no decent man with a good job would touch that for marriage so they'll be single and broke forever

New school:

Women can do anything and NO MAN can be quite certain he jumped through enough hoops to confirm consent before sex, and he may face rape charges larger depending on her feels and whims the next day or even years later. Talk to a woman? Attempt to approach her? If you're at work unless she's 300 lb and/or 50+ you're likely going to HR and might lose your career. Approaching ugly women is no foolproof defense either. Approach a woman at a socially neutral party, club, etc.? She may call for help and have a bunch of whiteknights jump you if she says she "felt unsafe". That's all it takes. A little wave or a concerned look on her face, and you get roughed up.

So sex is astonishingly easy to get for women as it always has been, but now they have no consequences at all, while men face higher and higher risk every year. Also that throat cancer epidemic for men in relationships trying desperately to make their partners cum so they don't cheat.

Let's face it boys, we're fucked (actually not fucked) by how far society has changed in the past few decades. That's why they love to taunt us with "incel" and shame men who would rather work part-time and play vidya than pay $90K for college then climb the corporate ladder so women can turn them into paycheck earner/chore doer betas when they age out of their sexy bartender chad hookup phase and want to buy the big house and have their babies...

EpicHajsownik · 2025-01-01T08:59:16+00:00

Incels are actually less violent than men who have a lot of sex. People only look,at incels in terms of super rare killsprees that happen once every 2 years which is extremely rare considering there are hundreds of millions of incels in the world, even tho when you compare how violent incel is to a man who has a lot of sex, then on average incel is gonna be less violent

blackjustin · 2025-01-01T10:39:40+00:00

Generally speaking, when you get called an incel, the person is saying “I don’t have enough of a brain to combat what you’re saying, so I’m going to call you an incel because sex is the only unit of measurement of value I understand”. “Narcissist” usually means the same thing.

It’s actually quite misogynistic if you think about it. You’re more or less admitting that a woman’s primary feature is her vagina, which you can’t get, hence you’re an incel.

RoryTate · 2025-01-01T01:31:17+00:00

People who use that slur look just as stupid as people who hurl pejoratives at women for having too much sex. It's simply the flip side of the same ignorant type of attitude about human sexuality. That action says nothing about the target – almost always a man – or his actual argument or opinions, but it tells you everything you need to know about the person(s) who speak and/or support that particular insult.

The best response I've found is to just express a calm disappointment with the lack of rational thought. Getting angry or emotional is the reaction they want.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2025-01-01T06:08:09+00:00

"Incel" is the new term for what "nerd" used to mean (i.e. low-social-status sexually-unattractive 'spergy male) before all the hipsters started colonizing and appropriating "nerd hobbies."

internet_warlord · 2025-01-01T07:41:37+00:00

Some women use incel as a derogatory term as if having sex is a virtue.

Forsaken_Hat_7010 · 2025-01-01T01:54:06+00:00

Society judges women for promiscuity and men for lack of it, so the derogatory use of incel is like whore/slut.

People will excuse themselves by saying it also includes for misogyny... bullshit, if you want to call someone a misogynist, call them a misogynist. The only thing incel brings to it is a sexist and vulgar insult, what the muricans call a “slur”, so it should never have been normalized in discussions.

EgalitarianMale2 · 2025-01-01T06:29:05+00:00

Funny thing I've seen is that the term "incel" seems to have lost its original meaning. It's short for "involuntary celibate", and in the 90's was coined for individuals that struggled in finding relationships.

We see it being used even for men who are happily married and have children and it has just become a go to word for anyone who is a misogynist or any one who even disagrees or criticizes any woman. Or even just a standard insult for men.

It's also very funny how if a guy does not have any interest in relationships, like me for example since I'm currently really busy with hectic academics and work, he is often labelled as "incel" or "gay." (I've not faced it myself but it could be due to me being good at academics and being in good shape) But at the same time they will also be annoyed for guys that simp for women and try to get in relationships into them, as if they just want to find a way to hate on men.

Another hypocrisy is how if a woman is "single", we tend to celebrate her for it, but if a guy does it is because he can't get "laid." As if a guy's worth is based on women's validation and is if every women is a celestial being and getting a girlfriend is the "pinnacle" of a man's life. I agree for the other side too, a woman's worth is not decided on men's validation and it should be the same for men too.

For me "incel" is just like using "slut" or "whore" for women, it's a stupid insult and implies that an individual's worth is based on sex and relationships.

Also it's funny how everyone associates men who are genuinely lonely, depressed, and desparately want some emotional support and intimacy, with the very few percentage of highly mentally ill men labelled "incels" who carried out mass shootings or misogynists and use that to further dehumanize them. The incel communities aren't even as large as most people think it is.

A lot of people also don't realize how awful mental health can get for guys and you can get really seriously isolated due to the lack of mental health support or intimacy. As my saying goes "a woman is born with value and a man acquires his by the virtue of his status and actions." If you're struggling as a guy, nobody cares about you.

We should be looking to further help these men rather than pushing them way into a corner like this. That does not mean force women to date them, but help them to learn to cope and let them realize they can live a fulfilling life without a partner and provide them adequate mental and emotional support. Further isolating and dehumanizing a group will further lead to radicalization that will lead to a very few of them to resort to violence and once again cause people to get emotionally charged about the topic.

juuglaww · 2025-01-01T02:25:48+00:00

Apparently to society women’s sexual approval is the stick by which a mans value is measured.

brainzhurtin · 2025-01-01T05:18:36+00:00

Incel, Racist, MAGA, CIS, Nazi, Radical/alt right, misogynist, etc.

Used by 11 year old girls incorrectly for so long, they are now badges of honor.

notfr0mthisplace · 2025-01-01T03:54:15+00:00

I've also found out about it recently and it really pisses me off.

It's used insuch a pejorative way, that is like slashing the victim

churahm · 2025-01-01T04:31:39+00:00

Easy, it is basically a word used to refute any logical argument you can ever have. The word has lost its meaning completely and is used as a derogatory term to bandwagon on someone who dares to speak about any problems and injustice for men.

Why even engage with any discussion when they can use the word "incel" and pretty much invalidate you in an instant. I really hope it gets to same treatment as other taboo words someday like the N word for black people, F word for gay people or R word for people with mental disabilities.

One can only hope, but I fear that we are still very far from any of that.

hardcore_softie · 2025-01-01T09:33:39+00:00

I agree.

The real irony is that the term was originally coined by a lonely young woman struggling to form romantic and sexual relationships. She wanted further research on it so that she and others struggling like her OF BOTH GENDERS could get the help they needed to be able to form these connections and relationships because they are vital to good mental health. Often people, again both men and women, struggle with this due to issues ranging from social anxiety and autism to childhood trauma and sexual abuse and rape.

The young woman who coined the term intended it to be gender neutral and wanted the subject examined further by psychologists etc because it was understudied despite it being known that many issues such as the aforementioned could cause an individual to struggle with this.

The term then eventually started being used by small misogynist communities mostly on 4chan spurred on by White Supremacists trying to recruit because sexually frustrated young men are historically the best targets for radicalization and violent aggression (see recruitment strategies for the KKK, Hitler Youth, ISIS, and even quite arguably the US and other militaries).

This led to misogynistic shit like GamerGate (again covertly spurred on by extremist groups like White Supremacist recruiters) which popularized males getting angry at and blaming women for all their problems, who self-labeled themselves as incels while spewing misogynistic hatred and ridiculously extreme ideas online (ie "women are dumb and only fuck Chads, therefore rape should be legal").

This was further exacerbated by psychos like Elliott Rodger, who committed mass killings and were hailed as heroes by these fringe "incel" communities, and suddenly incel became a slang term for extreme and possibly violent misogynist. Now it gets used by men and women anytime they want to label a man a loser or an asshole.

It's extremely sad because the young woman who created the term was very much onto something with it, but because it got appropriated by hate groups, research on it has practically stopped and now it's just an insult against any man. Extra sad because most involuntary celibate people of both genders and all orientations are not misogynists or misandrists, but hearing the term used in a pejorative manner like it's become so normalized is very hurtful.

I have no doubt the young woman who created the term hates to see how it is now used by the vast majority of both men and women and hates that no real progress has been made in helping the almost entirely non-hateful people, again both men and women, who have trouble with romantic and sexual relationships and just need help, therapy, and guidance. Unfortunately, the current usage of the term only causes further undeserved shame, pain, and denigration to this group of people which only worsens the problem for them.

Although it's only used against men, I'm sure it's still hurtful to women who struggle with the same issue yet don't blame men for their problems.

Public-Fly-971 · 2025-01-01T09:03:49+00:00

Incel was a term invented by a woman who couldn't get laid. The original community of incels was an online support group for women who struggled to find sexual or romantic partners. Then harpies started using it against men they see as losers and now we're here

BookwormNinja · 2025-01-01T02:39:05+00:00

Yeah, it really is a terrible thing to call someone.

Excellent-Berry-2331 · 2025-01-01T06:43:41+00:00

It is just bad terminology.

ragebeeflord · 2025-01-01T09:02:07+00:00

people claim it’s supposed to mean “men who take out their frustrations on women cause they got rejected” but they use it as an insult for men who can’t get a sexual and romantic partner in general (for whatever reason that might be). It’s shameful to do that.

Hour_Zero · 2025-01-01T13:00:02+00:00

It's especially hypocritical when self-proclaimed feminists use it, and then backpedal when called out on using a term that devalues a person based on their sexual history (something that they are supposedly so against, at least when it's done towards women.) They'll say "Oh, being an incel is a mindset, no one actually cares if you aren't having sex if you aren't being a misogynist" to justify the usage of the insult but in reality we all know that they are implying that your opinion on a topic is worthless if you as a man are not actively getting female attention/sex

Keokuk84 · 2025-01-01T15:04:33+00:00

Just like the word oppression, incel is just another word in a growing list of words that is used so often that it's lost its real meaning. I've been called an incel and a misogynist just for disagreeing with a female. I've been called an incel for posting statistics. I've been called an incel because I've pointed out that the majority of females cannot be trusted when you're in an intimate or romantic relationship with them.

kaleeb111 · 2025-01-01T19:21:05+00:00

I think you're thinking about it the wrong way. The original definition is basically someone who wants to have sex but cant get it because nobody wants them. And you're right to say your value doesnt depend on your body count.

However nowadays the use of the word has significantly changed. It's now used to talk about the stereotypical incel manchilds (or womanchild, yes incel females exist) that live in basements and have no jobs (basically parasites) that become sexist and spread irrational hate to the opposite sex blaming them for their own failures. Yes, the original definition applies when people say incel but if the above also doesnt apply then you're just a virgin, not a true incel.

9chars · 2025-01-02T21:38:51+00:00

Despite all their college degrees, woman on average just really are not very smart. Not much logical thinking going on up there at all. It's just become their flavor of hate speech.

Former-Dragonfly2226 · 2025-01-01T12:13:53+00:00

It needs to be categorised as a hate term.

NoCapital2270 · 2025-01-01T18:20:09+00:00

Lmao pedo thread

idislikeanthony · 2025-01-01T23:36:52+00:00

Weird. So gay men are not real men since we don't touch women.

IllustriousBowl4316 · 2025-01-02T02:39:00+00:00

I can't stand this term too like they seems like the man's value increases by them having sex with a woman... and use it to dodge the questions...

Lolocraft1 · 2025-01-02T02:52:00+00:00

Except that it’s not what an incel is about. An incel is a man who not just don’t get laid, but also blame women for it, with a pinch or racism and homophobia

You are still a virgin at 30? That’s fine. You say the reason is because women only want the "Chads" and "Tyrones"? You’re an incel

South-Steak-7810 · 2025-01-01T11:05:32+00:00

People, mainly women, but men too call men incels as another form of shaming language. That’s it. It’s the current shaming buzzword. I could have been: gay (quite the homophobic one), loser, no woman wants you anyway, man up, you’re a pussy, you beta, you’re dusty, if you’re broke just say so, male fragility, remarks about penis size, about height, and so on.

It’s the only thing they have to get men back in line. Back onto their plantation. Because they can’t use physical force. It worked well for most of humanity and still does to this day. But more and more men are waking up to these tactics, realize what kind of woman they’re dealing with and simply walk away.

What I find extremely disappointing is that mainly women use that word to shame men that for whatever reason are unable to find a girlfriend, are unable to have any kind of intimacy with a woman and think it’s perfectly acceptable to make fun of them. Use that word “involuntary celibate” to shame men. Hurt men. And I don’t think it’s about sex. As long as a man has some money he can have an escort come over and have sex. I think the term incel it’s used to indicate that a man can’t get a girlfriend.

“Ow, you can’t find someone to love you?”…”what a loser”.

And that imo, is an extremely messed up thing to say.

The majority of men still have the urge to provide and protect, so when they feel that that option is not there they feel heartbroken.

The majority of women deep down inside still want the option of having children. So when that option is taken away it will leave most women heartbroken. Even if they were never planning on having children.

Just like women want to take care of a child, men want to take care of a woman.

Imagine if men started making fun of or shame women who are unable to have children for whatever reason. There would be outrage, rightfully so. But because it’s “just men”, making fun of or shaming men for not being able to get a girlfriend, well, that’s just normalized. Acceptable behavior in our “pATriArcHy”.

Disgusting behavior and a great indicator of what kind of women we’re dealing with. Women who don’t give a single iota of fucks about men or our feelings.

analfarmer2pnt0 · 2025-01-01T05:53:22+00:00

Anytime a new word is being used I don't bother to learn it

rag3light · 2025-01-01T14:37:02+00:00

Idk sex and romantic companionship are human needs.

Tbh pretending that people especially men can be just chill not having sex and not having romantic attention is fucking dumb and misanthropic. It's more man hating than assigning a man's worth based on sex.

Like you can't escape being human. Humans fuck. That's how the species perpetuates.

rebar71 · 2025-01-01T17:27:46+00:00

It's derogatory. You're not supposed to like it.

Apprehensive-Alps279 · 2025-01-01T18:08:13+00:00

In terms females are thereby saying they're just a s*x object or hole to be used.

Roge2005 · 2025-01-02T08:02:55+00:00

Yeah, the weird thing about this one is that it isn’t used by it’s definition. Incel means “involuntary celibate” which means that someone is never able to lose their virginity even if they wanted, and the term was created by a lesbian. But nowadays it’s used to describe someone who is misogynistic who may or may not be involuntarily celibate.

walterwallcarpet · 2025-01-02T08:26:40+00:00

"Women have only one kind of business...." Arthur Schopenhauer (1865) https://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html

maxbjaevermose · 2025-01-02T12:32:23+00:00

in = involuntary cel = celibate

You're not involuntary, so the term does not apply to you.

khaste · 2025-01-03T13:58:33+00:00

Great post, and i do like how you pointed out the clear misandry with this issue.

I think societys obsession over the "incel" issue has died down, as theres not much obsession now compared to what used to be. Maybe that peoples focus has finally shifted to actual issues, ( or that theres been a economic and societal shift, who knows) not just random virgin men saying harmless controversial nonsense in the dark corners of the internet.

res0jyyt1 · 2025-01-06T20:04:08+00:00

They call Elon incel, but you already know how many baby mamas Elon has. Go figure.

GoldConstruction1994 · 2025-02-18T03:02:40+00:00

Yeah, I hate it too. Shaming someone for their sex lives or lack of as a means to put them down. I hate it with a passion when I hear that word.

2025-02-28T07:16:17+00:00

Current dating especially offline dating is far too physically and verbally dangerously competitive for men as well so why are incels demonized so much, it's not like they're completely wrong really, especially for small men as small men can't physically defend themselves and biological power being genetics are unfair being imbalances which is a reason why technology exists

Fragrant-Print5812 · 2025-03-22T08:02:24+00:00

I find it strange too. Didn't know about this for quite a long time? Maybe it is just a subcultute but overrated...?

Because I think normal people don't tell everybody if they do or don't have sex in the current phase of their life. And don't care about others' "status" regarding that . It is a personal thing.

OK maybe someone will talk to some good friend about his problems to find a nice girl for a relationship (that would include also sex ;-)), but that's it.

There are a lot of things in life one would like to get or achieve, but at the moment isn't able to. A better job, bigger house, more friends, more exciting hobbies... or a girl to love and have sex with OK all that can change, with some effort or sometimes just by having good luck. Or if it doesn't change one can reconsider his priorities in life...

But that's just life.

Complex-Skin2743 · 2025-03-28T17:51:37+00:00

I'm so intrigued to know how many women have actually told yall what you're thinking. The majority of women and feminists i know also want to help men. That's why they talk about toxic masculinity and helping men be able to talk about emotions in a non stigmatized way. I see many women bring up and speak about body positive for men, and speak out against harmful speech about men/men's body. I truly wish all of you to meet the majority of women rather than the few bad apples. Remember by looking at a few bad women and claiming all feminists or all women are one way- is the exact same as people saying all men are rapists. It's the same harmful narrative and perspective on both sides.

BrilliantWriting3725 · 2025-01-01T16:57:15+00:00

Incel also applies to women btw and there are many of them. I always thought it was a gender neutral term.

HyakuBikki · 2025-01-02T22:47:25+00:00

DRAGON_rosegold · 2025-01-03T07:14:14+00:00

Incels must watch this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVptrVEu9tE

WaveProfessional3275 · 2025-06-30T23:26:46+00:00

I was not familiar with this term until recently. From what I’ve seen. All it does, unfortunately, is cause division.

RandomYT05 · 2025-01-01T04:18:50+00:00

I literally want to kill myself because of the shame. Its got to stop. 2 things have to stop. The shame, and the fact that young women have gotten too picky. Call me an incel for wanting the latter, but I'm only an incel because of the latter. How is it even my fault for not having sex when I've been available this entire time? How I ask, How?!?

Nerfixion · 2025-01-01T04:32:53+00:00

It literally stands for involuntarily celibate.

Sassy_hampster · 2025-01-01T04:38:28+00:00

Well men have been calling them whores for the better part of mankind .

Bulky-Implement-6531 · 2025-01-01T01:12:15+00:00

I'll be honest, I'm not a man, just to be clear. But the term "incel" is typically used for guys who can't have sex but blame others for it. So, being asexual and aromantic wouldn't make you an incel. Though, I'll say this, nowdays, especially recently, like a lot of things, it's kind of lost its meaning. Just like with words like "nazi" or "terrorist", they pretty much just use it to describe men they don't like/disagree with them.

ClassicMatt101 · 2025-01-01T08:05:22+00:00

“Incel” isn’t meant as a derogatory term for any man that hasn’t had sex. It’s meant to refer to the kind of behavior that can be seen so much in this very thread: men who for some reason believe they are owed sex but can’t get it because, frankly, they are simply unappealing to the woman they try to get with. So they make their rejection into everyone else’s problem and blame both the women and society itself for being somehow unfair in denying them what they feel is rightfully owed.

An actual good person who is unlucky romantically but doesn’t blame anyone else for their situation? Not an incel.

Guys who rage against the world for their own personal failings? Incels.

Prettywitchboy · 2025-01-01T01:04:26+00:00

People are also called incels when they are hateful or violent verbally or physical towards women who are not interested in them. Which I agree with. But I do not agree with it being used against men who don’t have sex unless they blame women for their inability to get sex or affection. Not their fault.

Title	i cannot stand "incel" term.
Author	MorticianDin
Upvotes	600
Comments	155
Date	January 1, 2025 12:47 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1hqs333/i_cannot_stand_incel_term/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-cannot-stand-incel-term.1540043 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540043

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