What is weaponised incompetence and how does it affect sharing the load in the home?

Inevitable_Dark3225 · 2024-06-04T23:11:07+00:00

The media is hell bent on dividing the sexes further apart than they already are.

Punder_man · 2024-06-05T00:23:14+00:00

Well, what do you expect will happen when you complain about someone not "Doing it right?"
As the old adage goes, if you want something done right, do it yourself..

So, on the one hand many men are being told they ARE incompetent in doing a specific chore / task..
Then on the other hand they are being told they as men are "Weaponizing" their incompetence...

Once again they want their cake and to eat it too it seems...

Also as an aside, I hate the term "Unpaid labor" in regards to the domestic chores..
How many women are using the money earned by their partner working 40 - 60+ hours a week to treat themselves to spa days, nail treatments, clothes shopping etc?

If that's the case then is it REALLY "Unpaid" labor?

And yes, women more often than not fill the "carer" roll, this includes sorting out things like Doctor's appointments, doing the grocery shopping etc..
But its 2024, NOBODY is literally chaining women to the kitchen / house anymore..
If they don't want to do that they are welcome to get a job..
There are MANY men who would love to stay at home, look after the kids..

neveragoodtime · 2024-06-04T23:28:34+00:00

How is he supposed to do the dishes if she always does the dishes? I’ll never understand the feminist condition of, “I’m going to choose to do something and also complain about choosing to do something.”

Smeg-life · 2024-06-05T00:09:53+00:00

And the article tells you all you need to know about its validity with this line

'"There is no data on it, [but] I often hear about it clinically from clients — particularly mothers and wives, and also sisters where they might be the eldest daughter and the caring load is on them,"

So no data ...

Not facts just feelings

Francis_Dollar_Hide · 2024-06-05T00:24:09+00:00

Examples from Ms Dober, and Professor Michael Wenzel from Flinders University's College of Education, include:

Not being willing to change a tire because "It's too dirty"
Not being able to pick anything heavy up
Leaving cosmetics, makeup and other items strewn all over the bathroom
Overspending money on frivolous items
Incessantly bringing up the same issue even though it's been discussed many times
Creating a DIY 'to-do' list but doing none of them
Taking 1.5 hours to get ready and making you both late when they knew what time you needed to leave
Expecting you to be able to read minds
Buying the same, cheap, unimaginative birthday present ever year
Not being able to stand you sitting still, in silence for more than 10 mins

Loud_Telephone_8924 · 2024-06-04T22:43:34+00:00

Add another category to complement emotional labour. They are just making things up.

Jaded_Permit_7209 · 2024-06-05T03:33:49+00:00

"Weaponized incompetence" is generally a term used by neurotic women to describe their partners not completing a household task to the standard they expect. It's frequently used to describe something that the woman considers urgent, but the man does not, yet for some reason her authority overrides his.

A long while back there was a post on TwoX about hosting in-laws for Christmas. The woman sat down and wrote this long-winded story about her panic attack because [1] the house wasn't up to her standards, which involved the towels in the bathroom facing the right direction, [2] he wasn't helping her write a Christmas jingle that she wanted to perform, and [3] she couldn't find a good recipe for the ham she wanted to make.

As everyone showered her with attention, all I could think was, holy fuck, you're losing your mind over a Christmas jingle? Who the fuck sings a Christmas jingle to their in-laws? Unless you're living in a 1990s family-based sitcom, you have no fucking business subjecting them to that cringe.

Now, keep in mind here that weaponized incompetence is something that only women are allowed to say about men. When a man says that his wife is weaponizing incompetence, he's an abusive and controlling monster, right?

There are tons of things that my wife screws up around the house. The other day she washed my brand-new polo shirts but dried them in the machine. They shrunk. I didn't call that wEaPoNizED iNcOmPETence because they're just fucking clothes and it's not a big deal. I didn't push the problem because clothes can be replaced and she realizes what she did.

She's also not the best cook. So? I'll cook instead because I'm dynamite at it. This isn't some elaborate ploy by her to make mediocre food just to force my hand.

On the other hand, anything that involves bending down to the floor is out of the question for me. Bad back. I can't change diapers unless we buy a changing table (although I'll change them in public restrooms because I can), and brushing our kids' teeth sends my back into spasms. She doesn't respond to this by going online and whining about her deadbeat husband because, you know, maybe she should just fucking pick up the slack where necessary?

There are things that I do and things that she does. I work full-time and she's a SAHM. But we actually fucking like each other so we don't keep points on who's doing more at any given time.

And for any woman who truly believes that her husband is sabotaging the household, is making unpalatable meals, and is ruining hundreds of dollars of clothes by washing them improperly... why are you fucking him, dumbass? Why did you choose him out of all those possible men? Because I can guaran-damn-tee you that there are plenty of men who kick ass at work, come home, and then play an active role in being dads. But you chose to let the fuckwit you hate impregnate you.

Congratulations. You played yourselves.

alter_furz · 2024-06-04T22:53:23+00:00

Which load? Button pushing? TV watching while the dryer is drying and the robotic vacuum cleaner is vacuuming?

Goddamn I live alone and this "load" is so unbearable I hardly notice it!

Their arguments are getting scarce, playing victim is getting harder by the day.

MannerNo7000 · 2024-06-05T02:33:57+00:00

‘Why aren’t people getting married and having kids anymore’

Capable-Mushroom99 · 2024-06-05T02:25:47+00:00

This sounds like some fantasy based on the 1950s. I did once ask my wife to write down specific instructions for washing some of her clothes so I didn’t make a mistake. But then I also taught her to cook and I write out a detailed recipe for everything I make.

hasbulla_magomedov · 2024-06-05T07:09:02+00:00

I find it funny how most women don’t know how to do basic maintenance on their house or car, even when it’s pretty simple to learn. Why? Because they know their husband knows how to and relies on him to do it. But suddenly when tasks don’t go their way they pull out this “weaponized incompetence”

GDMongorians · 2024-06-05T05:17:59+00:00

What bugs me is the chores that somehow don’t count when reading these articles.. i.e working a lawn mower, weedwacker, changing the oil of the car, maintaining the cars, house, tools, etc.. pretty sure this door swings both ways. Fuck these sexist articles.

WannabeLeagueBowler · 2024-06-05T02:58:42+00:00

Weaponized incompetence is when there's no footage of of the Pentagon being hit on 9/11 because all the cameras were having their tapes changed at that exact moment. Or the EPA saying Flint Michigan's tap water is safe and effective.

In the home, the women doesn't understand power tools or appliances and can't be bothered to fix anything. She can do dishes and make it take twice as long by wasting twice as many as needed.

pissed_off_elbonian · 2024-06-05T04:24:25+00:00

LOL, fucking-A!

Sure, I'll do the dishes and vacuum, she can unclog the fucking toilet, hang the TV, attach the shelf, etc.

Oh, she doesn't want to because I do those things better? Weaponized incompetence!

SMH

And the worst part? I'm out of beer :(

Petrus59 · 2024-06-05T07:23:05+00:00

Weapponised incompetence is not knowing how to use power tools, not knowing how to hang wallpaper, not knowing how to mow the lawn, not knowing how to fix the car and not knowing how to give good head!

New_Builder8597 · 2024-06-04T23:26:36+00:00

when I was in rehab in group, one bloke was talking about how he deliberately got out of filling the dishwasher by putting cups upwards. I guess you're not supposed to get cranky in group therapy, but nobody did, some people laughed.

p3ngwin · 2024-06-05T15:44:52+00:00

Ah yes...

When a woman has to explain to her partner, how to do something, in exact detail, to her standards, it's because he's "weaponizing incompetence".

When a man has to explain to his partner, how to do something, in exact detail, to his standards, it's because he's "MANSPLAINING".

2wicky · 2024-06-05T02:20:26+00:00

If you take the lead of a household chore, and your partner is showing this type of behaviour, it's likely a failure of leadership on your part.

If someone who loves you is reacting with malicious compliance, you have likely attached a very negative association to a particular task to the point that verbal communication has broken down and the only way they can tell you they don't want to do it, or even if it is just to do it your way, is too do it badly. They're no longer engaged and just want the problem to go away.

You've destroyed any good will they might have had to help you in future and you're now in a vicious cycle that's hard to break out of.

Women like to complain about this a lot but never ask themselves how they got themselves in that situation in the first place. So it just keeps happening to them. They fall in the roll of mom, which might work with your children, but not so much with your partner.

Don't force anyone to do anything. Invite them in. Keep the interactions positive. Don't focus on process, but on the result, meaning you need to be open to their feedback. They might know something you don't and they may also just be wrong, but you need to be able to talk about it. If you need to be critical, it should be about the behaviour or task at hand, never the person. Once you start insulting the person, you've compromised your role as a leader. They don't want to follow you any more.

It goes both ways. Whether you are in the lead or following, you don't control your partner. Both parties in this relationship have agency and that needs to be respected.

There are things I wish my girlfriend did differently, but I always give her the space and the opportunity for her to choose how and when to engage in a certain task she might initially be hesitant to do. It takes patients but does pay off in the long term.

If you are being led, make an effort to set the ground rules early on. Reward good leadership, and verbally communicate when it's bad. Again, focus on the behaviour, not the person.

Melodic-Dust-1160 · 2024-06-05T09:37:47+00:00

Let us not lose sight of the fact this ridiculous feminist propaganda piece was published by the ABC, Australia's publicly-funded and primary news source. The US equivalent would be the NY Times publishing this. This isn't an obscure activist blog. The Australian people are being fed a steady diet of this crap.

David-Metty · 2024-06-05T12:23:51+00:00

Gentlemen, the notion that men are not doing their fair share is a myth that has been totally and completely debunked numerous times over the last 20 years. Time to worry about other things…

Siganid · 2024-06-05T16:20:29+00:00

It's when a woman pretends she's too incompetent to reroof the house, change the clutch in the family truck, and replumb the leaky sink in the bathroom.

klubkarameldesignmix · 2024-06-05T18:45:17+00:00

I always find it baffling that you never ever get any examples where women would take advantage of men in these kinds of articles. These articles are basically exchangeable even though they pretend to come up with a new issue once in a while. What matters is the subtext which is always "Men bad!".

And to think that I vented on reddit about desiring a relationship as an unexperienced male. It would all end in flames.

Stopsegregationofmen · 2024-06-05T19:44:05+00:00

Can women who demand alimony and child support during divorces be said to be using weaponized incompetence in order to control their ex-spouse? Hundreds of millions of male victims have no support due to such injustices, yet the perpetrators of this violence continue to benefit from this control.

Extreme_Spread9636 · 2024-06-05T12:32:43+00:00

People who want partners according to their standards, while refusing to hold themselves to the standards that their partner wants, found a new term to point out that their partner doesn't fulfill their standard. What a shocker!

DeadBedroomPain · 2024-06-05T05:00:45+00:00

If you want to save time, just swallow the ultimate whatever-pill, that women are basically all femcels.

Expensive_Laugh4712 · 2024-06-08T08:46:15+00:00

Of course the picture is old love cleaning the house while the man sits on his ass and watches TV having a brew.

Like 1) he worked his ass off all week. He's earned that brewskin.

2) How tone deaf to all the fucking work we as men do in the house and in society.

Another anti male hit piece from the ABC.

Australia has fucking lost the plot and is all in on "men are the problem".

This is going to cause male violence in Australia to explode.

They want to see a mass protest but that's not how men work.

So these lone wolf incidents will keep happening and all men will get the blame because testicles.

What a lovely male positive patriarchy we all allegedly live in.

Smeg-life · 2024-06-05T00:08:05+00:00

'weaponised incompetence'

When you do a job consistently so bad that the other person feels that you are deliberately doing it so poorly that they have no option but to do it themselves.

Say for example a kid who never wants to do the dishes so they always do it badly in the hope that they never get asked to do it again.

Stairwayunicorn · 2024-06-04T22:34:46+00:00

is that anything like malicious compliance?

Title	What is weaponised incompetence and how does it affect sharing the load in the home?
Author	DougDante
Upvotes	143
Comments	104
Date	June 4, 2024 10:17 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1d89w7o/what_is_weaponised_incompetence_and_how_does_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/what-is-weaponised-incompetence-and-how-does-it.1520558 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520558

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